Old days.. days that i remember.. i must say..
so much is missing from school days..
as i really loved being part of a
flesh and blood group whether
or not i was everyone’s
favorite person or
not.. i remember
on the river
front from the time
i was so small at age 3 and
above.. yes.. last name was
Land.. there were a whole bunch of
them who played together from break
of dawn to end of sunset thru night and
it was just me and my sister and mother
and my grandmother and i am having a little
trouble now as my mother is sick and she refuses
to go the doctor not unlike me when i almost died in
2008 as i was terrified of Doctors and didn’t go to one in
23 years as they almost put me away for good in ’81 and
i was always afraid i might really be crazy as i had these out
of control emotional feelings and anxiety that overwhelmed me so much
that i just wanted to escape like i did in Middle School and stay on Summer
Vacation forever just me and my dog and family at home so no one would be
mean to me then.. and that’s the thing.. when you are outcast.. your pet and immediate
family means everything.. and my father never seemed like he liked me very much as he
never had anything to say..
but i finally
the part of the
Asperger’s Syndrome came
from and when he died and i wrote
a lot about it.. no one offered any kind
wishes to me then.. so i knew how alone
online was then.. and yes that was before
i met the Rafiah online.. who was the first
real person who was kind to me back then
in the Summer of 2014.. as i spent years on
the ‘Wrong Planet’ where people didn’t have
any feelings expressed for other people at
all.. like mechanical parts in machines
and for me it wasn’t hard to tell
people i cared about them..
it was just how it came
out that made
to them then.. but
you see.. before i got sick
and before i got pushed up higher
in the administration of government work
and for almost two decades of Bowling Center
work.. particularly the first decade when no supervisory
serious responsibilities were mine then.. i just enjoyed the
warm human touch and juSt a smile with eyes and thank you
sir and m’am and come again and all that stuff.. and people were
nice to me no matter how strange i walked and ran down the middle
of the lanes to get deadwood then.. as they could see i was sincere
and when a lady later asked me why i was so nice.. after i told her
i was a supervisor of the place and she said that is why you
are nice and i was thinking WTF are you talking about
lady.. i like people ’cause i like them and that’s
all there is too it.. and then the Christian
Group Bowlers who came in told
me i was the best example
of a Christian they
ever met after i hadn’t
been to church in a decade or
so then.. eventually to make 23 years
too.. about the distance i went without seeing
a doctor too.. respecting people’s freedoms is what
i do.. i offer dissension but i am not one to enforce any
laws by desire on my own.. and i guess after my father left
as my mother said.. before i was three.. it seemed like i idolized
him then.. although i cannot remember him ever being with us..
i guess.. i became scared my mother would leave and not come back
too.. as i was severely attached to her.. and was always afraid she
would not come home when she went to work.. and when i visited
my father in Tallahassee.. i would get homesick as there didn’t
feel like there was any warm and cozy love there
anywhere but home.. eventually.. i learned
to give that love.. i had gained from
my mother as i never fully
gave up and eventuAlly
even though i was
of the nerd
Beta Club said.. welcome
Ladies and Gentlemen when
i came into the meeting by adding..
And welcome Fred too.. suggesting
i didn’t fit in anywhere.. although later.. he
who had a crush on my best beloved friend
Lynn.. admitting that i was everyone’s favorite
person of course meaning Lynn.. my friend.. and he
couldn’t understand why.. well.. the truth is.. it was the
Unconditional Love my mother gave me from ages 0 to
3.. before she had to go to work that made my soul whole
no matter what.. eventually through life.. and although my mother
has had many issues of her own through her later years thaT Love
was the greaTest gift i could ever wish anyone and that Love was what
attracted the Katrina to me.. and what has made me an epic Lady’s man..
hehe.. through my life as my eYes are love and those eyes cAMe from my Mother’s
Love forever then and forever now.. i am having a hard time with this but i have been
and i just
hope my mother’s
pain goes away soon..
and that is the beauty
of writing as i
out if no
but my soul..now.. among
my favorite memories now are
my sister and me and my mother
watching Alfred Hitchcock TV shows
late at night when she let me have coffee
that helped me concentrate.. i had so many
warm and fuzzy feelings of Love when i was young
and when i became so ill and lost my emotions and had
no idea what emotions really were except some felt really
special and good.. i asked my mother.. please bring that feeling
back.. help me to live again as human please.. and eventually
God of Nature gave me that gift again.. and i refuse to
ever hold it back again no matter how soft
or strange anyone calls
me as sissy
used to in middle
school for being all
happy and smiley then..
no vengeance for me.. i’LL keep smiling
instead.. thank you.. and those bullies did
continue in work life too.. vague.. and behind
the back.. back stabs too per do.. thinking i didn’t
know what was going on.. that’s okay.. Love wins.. iT DO..:)
maKing Love God.. A great thing
as sure.. Love IS A great Force…
taKing that message and
making it into
is totAlly miSsinG the
Message of Love as a UniVersal
God of Nature Given hUman
as and of
as the coffee
cup says.. Love one
another like i have loved
you.. sure ..just another version
of the Golden rule.. as quote from
John 13:34 on the breakFast cup..
what else.. yes.. For where two or
more are gathered in my name there i am
in the midst of them.. from Matthew 18:24 as nicely
illustrated as fog dispersing in the morn of a living tree..
see.. you really have to be somewhat of a poet to understand
where the teachings are coming from.. while we use symbols like
the Goddess Venus in Roman Form and Aphrodite in Greek form
to express the virtues of Love.. Beauty and Sexuality although Beauty
as the flesh and Sexuality as the flesh is denigrated somewhat in Christianity
oF old and not so much in some places in the Old Testament as it is clear to see
that beauty at least as beauty of Nature is honored in the David Psalms.. where the
New Testament is more about getting in touch with spirit.. yes.. regulation of your emotions
and integration of your senses for a BaLanCinG Force of Faith as Focus in life for gaining
liGht over dARk as Force oF LiGht LIFe.. as the study of human EmoTiOns in regulating
and experiencing them and naming them and mastering them is still a young science
in the fields that help folks with our inner UniVerse that is the greATest oF all
to eXplore and master with relative free will.. as gifted in potEnTiaL
we are by the GoD of NaTuRE aLL to this PoinT of eXistencE
noW.. thing is we are still talking about the deep
South.. the back woods in old Jerusalem
days too.. extremely patriarchal..
where boys must potentially
away from Love
ALL to avoid the
in killing others
to defend the tribe
to gain and maintain
resources in areas of
environmental scarcity in case
you thought this was gonna be an
all mush talk here instead of Fredtalk… ha!..
WeLL.. theRe is the Wisdom of gaining TrUth oF KnoWledge
and tHeRE is the LiGht of gaining emotional regulation and
sensory integration and transcendence from the every day
worries and never ending ruminating over worries too..
until one becomes a worry factory that never
stops thinking about
next.. until basically
one becomes a worry
wart on a frog and never
turns into a princess or prince
and far far from a master in relative
free will of the inner human UnivERse
as Queen and King of one’s own existence
co-creating wiTh GoD as one FocuSinG Faith Force
of WiLL and Love.. finally getting away from the DArk
ForCe of Fear and hate.. problem is though.. we are more than
a head.. yes.. we have a miNd and BoDy too.. fully encompassing
uS too.. and while most meditation for mindful awareness to regulate
emotions and integrate senses focuses on stuff associated with the head
like breathing and thinking alone.. the body is where the emotions and senses
flow or stay stagnate until one needs massage or rough ‘rolfing’ to even remember
there is body down there below the neck after one has been sitting in front of a screen
almost all day long in one spot where the potential for ergonomic injury can be greatest
as sitting still is a repetitive movement too that can create all types of pain from head to
toe if some other balancing movement does not come to Balance a body out in
moving force of now.. as well as moving to burn harmful and cumulative
stress hormones that over time can destroy every body system
from head to toe too.. and no.. this is no “wive’s tale/woo” this
is science now that definitely shows stress
kills.. stress kills and is responsible
indirectly and directly for
much misery and
substance and behavioral
too.. like video game addictions..
gambling and too much porn as take sexuality
off the table and appreciation for the beauty of Nature
all together and one has the opposite problem of NDD..
Nature Deficit Disorder.. yeS it is important to keep a little
naked Apollo and Aphrodite in your life to keep the dopamine
and androgen and estrogen juices of life strong along with the
social bonding neurohormone oxytocin and no.. hell no.. not that
pain killer that sounds like that word either per oxycontin as oxytocin
is actually identified as the human all natural love drug that is facilitated
by touchy feely love.. yes.. matter of science fact.. even touching yourself too
as the athletes say adjusting yourself to feel human again after a long day of
anxiety creating competition as love kills fear and anxiety and hate overall and
that is why there ain’t much fear and hate on Bikini Beach where Aphrodite.. the
Goddess of beauty and sexuality and yes love rains free in bikini bottoms and tops
and speedos.. i guess.. for folks who are into that too.. hehe.. fact is.. you get some love learning
in church to the death of healthy sexuality and appreciation for Nature as anything other but
dominating both.. so it’s true.. in many ways Buddhism is lacking Tai-Chi but now that the
hair nets have been removed at church and been replaced with short skirts..
action speaks much louder than words in truth and light too.. including
healthy and open sexuality and beauty too.. so we are getting
there slowly in words and much faster in do.. as hUman
nature is God Nature free when we are free to
mindfully and bodily get back away
from prison of cultural
from human nature
where reAlly transcendence
is just being human again no different
than our forager indigenous Indian ancestors
that we are still at core once we remove the idols
as forms of words and statues of men/women/goddesses/gods
and come to understand fully unclothed as all natural liFE/liGht..
the essence underneath all trUth and liGht that is the essence of
God Nature as gifted to us free.. so on this Saint Valentine’s Day
of words and forms
and become the essence
of what you feel and sense
and yes.. thiNk too of what humanity
as gifted by God is free in you.. different
brushes for God’s masterpiece painting..
different sexual orientations and abilities to
sense and feel liFE.. and unique and same
we are as paRts and fractals of God whOle
but truly when the form becomes Truth
and liGht and the essence is no
longer lived we become
of words that no longer
have a flesh and blood liGht
beating breath of liFe as HeARt..
SpiRit whOle as MiNd and boDy
BaLanCinG soUl for now and in the
spirit of miNd and BoDy BaLance this is
my Saint Valentine Fred’s Wish for you.. hehe..
A Cup of Love and a Plaque of Beauty and two dolphins
that swim as empathy and compassion forevermore now
with a lust for life now too that never ends in Bliss and Nirvana
as the Heaven of now.. chances are i might have left something out
and no problem as sooner or later someone else will seek it and find
it and experience it and share it in other words and other symbols and other
expressions of art too.. Venus you.. Aphrodite you.. and Jesus.. you too.. DancE
and SinG them aLL as one force of Love LuST and Beauty pARt and WhOLe BaLanCinG
Faith for and as
LiFE liGht iN aS TrUth now..:)
SMiLes.. my friEnd.. Candy..
the touch of two legs
early in the morning..
one older and furry..
sexual but soft
touch that has no
distance.. space or
time.. the warm and
fuzzy feeling of love that
never ages that lives
in old age
ages when real..
and perhaps the beyond
saddest part of all is when that
smooth leg of eternal youth touches
the fur of middle age and the beast that
was love became empty as a beast of numb
and i had it all and i had it none.. as Love is
essence and never
leg and a smooth
one that never ages
shaved close and loved
as much smooth or peach
fuzz too.. and when i go to the
bar and hear the young men talk about
women.. raised with only form of porn never finding
heARt that warms a soul and heart and spirit in oldest
tHeRE IS A death
thEre that may never be
gained as liGht as LiFE that
never ages as Love.. and sure.. as that
Love potential left me in neurochemical
and organic way for 66 long months without
the human furry smooth feeling loving touch..
i know where skyscrapers with labels and neon
God’s come from.. they come from a Love that no longer
exists.. i know where 10 Million dollar homes come from that
seLL God as Love as making bigger bucks.. they come from a Love
that no longer exists as free flesh and blood touch feely taste smell that
no space.. no time..
no age.. so.. Happy Valentine’s
day.. my friend.. Candice.. the feathered
Sleep with Hugs of Love that never age..:)
Happy Valentine’s Day one more time as the
Sweet Heart days ends soon.. and in preparation
for our two doctor’s appointments of maintenance
check-ups in addition to me being down somewhat
with a cold for over two weeks now in what seems like
two different ones caught over that period of time.. i thought
out loud to my self.. hmm.. too bad i don’t have a Valentine’s shirt
to wear out and about getting the required subsistence items from
Walmart after the appointment ended and lots of stuff going down at once
with my mother refusing to go to the Doctor.. to the point of her losing bladder
control now and delirium and thanks God she finally gave in and she does have
a sepsis infection and undergoing tests now to see all of what’s wrong as she
has refused to go to a doctor now for 12 years and lost a whole lot of weight all
of the sudden last year and has had severe hip pain off and on too.. her
wish was never to go to the doctor again
and die at peace
glad she finally
agreed to go to the
hospital as she was really
suffering and it was getting to
the point we would have to go against
her wishes.. to stay at home.. and as mentioned
before.. done there did the almost death thing of ill..
refusing the help that saved my life as there is a time
and place always to get help and surely modern medicine
saved my life and put me to sleep after 40 days of almost no
sleep then with a synergy of life threatening disorders.. including
the suicide disease.. type two trigeminal neuralgia.. no infection
for me as sepsis is certainly life threatening too.. hopefully
all will turn out well as prayers pour out for that
with Good Will too.. best thing is.. she is
getting the care she needs and
hopefully her comfort
will come away
from pain now..
not much for music or
dance or poetry or much of anything
but maintaining a will for good will to be
strong as i am very close to my mother
as she surely saved my life more than
once in life too.. as mothers do
of hugging love..
so yeah.. i’LL hug love
and too sick to go to the hospital
to spread my germs and perhaps i will
pour it out different in a prompt by dVerse
on the topic of HeART as pain of the emotional
kind is the muse of the deepest soul to sing a song
of healing wherever that may come and go.. come what may to generate a tear
as the worst
thing to do
that only leads
to unresolved pain
that can last for years
if one can not let it all go for Love oF LiGht..:)
i danced the night my father
died as that is the way he led
my mother on
the other hand has
lived her life love full..
so i go to heart now..
may as Love.. as Love
that the Love comes from
continues to grow.. never is
tHeRe a shortage oF LiGht to come..:)
So.. here goes the Heart prompt at dVerse
for now as this is surely therapeutic for me
for now.. to keep afloat from going too dARk
ThE Lone souL that caves
for hope.. the lone hope
comes.. a tunnel
more.. A SonG SinGS
DAncE moRe for Love..:)
A heART sets us apART
from birds and bees..
ART oF Love..:)
Finding Love iN
In eYEs thaT Love
sweeT heART ChocoLate Love..:)
50 sHades darKer
Red sings cards..
sHards.. glasS HEart
Art.. 60 percent smART
sAMe for heART
as 75 percent
of 60 percent more..
Ocean Whole Love waters more
he and p
and he and e and h
backwards from Art as Love.. AM..:)
SMiLes.. my friEnd.. Xenia Tran and happy
Valentine’s to you and your family and
family of Galgo’s from Spain.. and aren’t
all dogs and cats ambassadors of Love
for when humans
are not up
come into to feel
the spot of fill when
humans fail.. some sadness
here as my mother has fallen
ill on Valentine’s day and our cat
Yellow Boy comes to snuggle sadness
our pets are love
and i say to the world too..
what a wonderful
refuge you make
heAR for canine Love..:)
sMiLes.. my friENd..
greaTest Love i for
one kNow and FeeL
And SenSe of Wife..
is the life
to set me free…
Day to you.. too.. my friENd..
hehe.. and thanks for helping..
as i was looking for something
to say to her
places oF LovE..:)
Spent some time with the homeless..
under bridges and sleeping
run off by the law..
what i’ve come to find
is.. it is the small group of humans
who stick together for a forAge of
of texting twitter heARTs
with little characters oF aLL..:)
Dreamtime of indigenous
As dance of life
iN trance of love
aS LiFe oF DancE
And SonG of soUL..
animus and anima WoNe..:)
For years.. For Decades spent
and Christmas came and went
And i becAMe work away from heART..
And at my mother’s home.. sat cards of all
those who touched her heARt from years of
contact.. come again.. as love…
No cards at my
home for i was
Love to spread
from desk and chair…
My Grandmother became
a painter in her 60’s after her
father died.. my mother.. a poet..
after her mother died.. and it seems
my mother could be close to that in a hospital
tonight.. yet known from the result of tests.. me..
too sick with a cold to enter into sanitized rooms where
germs could kill..
the thing is.. i never
took the time to send cards
before.. as one must give
without any expectation
life works first..
i find noW in older
age more than ever before..
i never forget anyone who is nice
to me.. hehe.. and i rarely forget anyone
in a bad way who is mean to me.. greaTest
art comes from dARk when Love liveS on and
the more i come to hurt the more i come to Love
wins Love wins.. lives liGht..
Happy Valentine’s mY.. FriEnd..:)
Valentine’s day.. sAd heaRt
day for the lonely it seems
but what outcasts feeL and
seNse and Love
coMe to be
for all of what that
is as green and living
and even mountainous terrain
when a grain of sand comes to be
from lEast to
poetry.. a sweetest
candy on any
iT is that IS A
spYinG eYes oF LiGht
oR dArker SHades oF hAiry sTuFF..;)
LiGht as Love
neVer feaRinG lone
aLLone flies hiGheR oNe..:)
SMiLes.. my FriEnd.. Lillian..
so sorry for your loss..
Love lost love lives
as eYes and words
of love.. and my mother
visits a doctor and hospital
for the first time tonight.. in twelve years..
sepsis.. delirium.. she only wanted it all at home..
in peace at home..
with no fear of death
the gift of Loving Life.. ’till the end
And beginning as gift oF aLL thaT is..:)
And we just got the test results..
Breast Cancer that went into Abdomen..
Bone and Brain and the rest of her body too..
Brain and the
amazing thing is..
a few days ago
she beat my sister
at Scrabble ..my friEnd..
not expected to regain consciousness
and when she did wake up incoherent it
took three very large men to hold down
her 120Lb body from escape.. my
mother had has a will
on me when
i gave up on
all of existence
in life as death..
with no regrets..
i can only hope i do the same
as Love wins when Life as LIGht..
and death IS
A blesSing for
those who live liGht as Love..
glad.. i had a person
who is truly human to share this
with in real time now online who cares..
as Love does..Love..
for alWays being
a nice person.. to me..
So.. yeah.. what to do now..
what my mother taught me best
to keep loving to keep loving and never give up..
and with memories of so many days
i thought my life
will come.. it
will pass.. change
will come.. it did.. and i continue to live..
with tears of a shoulder wHo Nurtures liGht as grOwn..:)
And that’s all for now…
Facebook Friend and
nice niece Candie says..
Beautifully written. My heart is heavy for what y’all are going thru..:(
All my memories of her have been positive ones. Always a smiling face,
welcoming heart and a giving spirit.
And i say in return..
Thanks Candie.. to put it short..
when i was young.. some of my
friends wished my mother was their
mother.. to be born to her.. again.. would
be worth all the crosses.. i for one have carried and more..
with that said.. off to see her while she’s still living as the cold
i have.. is no longer a relative issue.. thanks again.. for the human touch..:)
Art is how we share our heARt in SpiRit as soUl with
our family and friends and hehe.. iN my
case the world
as wheRe my
heARt flies free
iN SpiRit of SouL..
And what better way to
share my Mother while she is
still alive and resting easy with aid
of modern medicine than to share her
actual written page published poetry soUl here..
yes.. in her 50’s.. also like me.. never writing poetry
until after her mother passes away about a decade after
that when she is living alone
in her home after the wife
and i who lived with
her shortly before
and she turned
to the art of poetry
to express her deeper
feelings then.. and yes..
when she wrote.. shapes of words
came free too.. farthest thing from
my computer brain then that people
literally compared my super problem
solving brain.. to.. yes.. computer head Fred
without any social graces of public dance then..
as that changed after i came out of my cocoon with
butterfly wings in my 50’s too where feet and hands
became free with heARt and SpiRit iN a miNd and BoDy
BaLanCinG soUL.. too.. and while my Grandmother addressed poeticAlly
here as Loving caring heaRt FeLt SpiRit of sOUL by my Mother.. worked
7 days a week.. 12 hours a day as a waitress in town to support her family
as a single mother back in the early part of last century and was the first
woman to wear slacks in town.. getting a job selling auto-parts to help out in
the overall effort of World War II when women went to work more then out of the
home and being a single mother was much more rare than now.. she also dropped
out of school.. and picked cotton at a young age to help her Father who was a widower
as my Grandmother’s Mother died young from breast cancer and a single father was born
after that and additionally a family of first settlers in the area named as Navarre beach now
on the sound side.. of course.. but with still a Ferry necessary to get over Pensacola Bay for
my Great Grandfather to get to work..
with the only entertainment then..
oral tradition among
by my Great Aunt
Jettie before she passed
away at 94.. back in my
Dead zone days as all i had
time to do was sit and listen
with barely a breath to talk myself
all messed up from a total mind and body
breakdown in physical disorder way from the
chronic effects of flight and fight stress at work then
for 2 years in a spot my Nature was not cut out for at all..
per the Asperger’s syndrome and the danger of falling out
of balance to the dark side.. eventually.. of Bipolar.. while dealing
with demands then wiTh the manic life draining part of that issue
as an adaptation to extreme environmental conditions that can sTiLL
range from physical to mental efforts behind a computer and social
demands at work too.. i keep it all balanced out through the art of
hands that write my heART and feat of free verse dance that
regulates all my emotions and integrates my senses
where the world seems an excellent
comfortable and moderately
exciting place to live
of balance dance
and song of LifE.. takes
practice and that’s why i am
here now.. still writing after getting
back from seeing my mother.. it takes
an Olympian effort to keep my Fredenstein
Brain all togeThER like a finely tuned Ferrari
head tuned with all 12+ multi poTenTiAl cylinders
of life and
liGht now out of
thAT hUman potEntial
away from dARk.. continuing
iN liGht as long as i keep a practice
of what works to keep all my shit togeTher
FloWinG iN ZoNe Butterfly Tiger Free..
floW oN.. my Mother’s
family.. very much like “Steel
Magnolia’s”.. Great Grandfather
lived two doors down on the River
Front of Black Water in advanced age..
living ’til ’94 then too but as long as i remember
the women were all in charge and seeing a male
in my family anywhere was a rare thing.. and that’s what
would eventually make me a nurturer too per the environment
makes you what you are as all the law enforcement of my father
in colder emotional non-speaking ways moved over to Tallahassee and
stayed there.. and my mother.. a devout Catholic.. would have never divorced
him.. but my father insisted that my mother go to work as he felt money was much
more important than the mommy staying home with the kids.. so he left.. divorced
her and remarried a women in his law enforcement office pool.. per say.. otherwise
i would likely have many many more siblings than one for now.. as all my Mother
cared about was raising her children and i got the benefit of her unconditional
love until age 3 as she was forced to go to work after my father left.. so..
i became the child waiting at the end of the day.. too.. in hopes of
feeling the warm healing touch of mother again..
and my most terrifying fear was that
she would leave as that
was the only
place i could
Love that was the
same spirit i feel no matter
what.. including today when i walk
in a room wherever she is at and i have
to say when i woke up this morning and felt
the pain of her leaving soon and not returning
to this earth while i live here more.. i felt a greater
sadness and compassion this morning feeling the love
of my wife Katrina still with the warm loving human touch
for all of those folks who may have never experienced love
like that and in my experiences on the so-called ‘Wrong Planet’..
a common theme there that did not pertain to me with Mother for
sure was a hatred for parents in general where there was no love at all..
and yes.. for reasons of neglect and abuse too.. the difference in my life on
the Autism Spectrum.. not unlike the like of Temple Grandin is.. i had a mother
who refused to do anything but love me and here recently she got in her head
that i was demon possessed but surely that was the Tumor in her brain that was cancer
speaking.. then too.. but we already sensed/felt that she was sick.. so i let it go and she let
it go too.. and all was well again the next week when i visited her as love rules when
a practice of life
belief and faith
that an all unconditional
Jesus lives inside.. as i had
that Jesus as a mother.. some
folks don’t have it at all if they
didn’t have their Jesus.. it doesn’t
matter the form.. however love comes..
the essence of Love is the God of Nature
Given Power that makes life good for self
and surELy much better for others too.. as
the source of all Steel Magnolias comes down to Love..
and a matriarchal leaning society most always works better
in smaller groups as prehistory and primitive folks go
in smaller peaceful societies as ranked by
sociology in the twenty
live by the
Free as Love of Life for all.. noW
iNterdependent wHeRe sOURce
of Love remains and stays first
at the breast that feeds loving milk…
and those clouds that i captured last
week are named like that as utters of love
coming from sKeYes in a feed of life that is heavenly
Love as it comes from eYes that breathe thaT Love
it on and on
as Love grows
in hope away from
fear and hate… women
for the win of cooperation sTiLL..:)
The greatest thing you’ll ever do is love..
The part of the Moulin Rouge Song.. come
what may.. that is left out of the
to copyright strike..
and how children come
into the world today.. in an automated
world.. with less of the feely loving mother’s
touch at a breast of life of hugs and holding hands
and needing each other’s naked warmth for the forage of life..
and surely.. i was protected
and folded in love like
this from born
older to journey
away from love to
cold technology of figures
and facts and lights that excite
and neon colors of manmade created
God that is surely paRt of God but separate
of the furry love that is our inheritance at
breast of life that comforts
that soothes that
tag or goals
or motivations over
the basic subsistence and
shelter that love brings as blanket
and cover that never needs more than
life of love.. so what can love do.. live that is
what love does best NoW as the hiGhest power.. the
greaTest gift that to give is to receive as liGht as Force
beyond dArk of doubt.. fear.. and hate.. the years my mother
suffered from gall bladder pain.. refusing to go to the doctor..
i experienced that pain and just wanted to take it away from her
and her pain kept so silent with cancer spread over her body for
years hurt me beyond pain no matter how quite she kept it then..
and now that she sleeps without pain it brings me greater comfort than
the love she can no longer express in a vocal song of love that never falls lower
than higher angelic breath.. as much as it still hurts as dream of loss as nightmare
as child becoming reality now.. we are all born.. we all die.. and love makes the difference
and the best difference of the journey ‘tween two events of life we all share as equal beings..
from the smallest life to the largest
life now that can or
L O V E..
i only wish
all people could
love like this unconditionally..
i only wish that everyone could agree
that Love.. the Force that now some of us share
so deeply is the God worth worshipping as pARt
of aLL of GoD as Nature thAT is the beST paRt for
those who can and do give and share Love Freely..
but the fAct of feelings
senses and knowings
and even science too..
and sure.. common
are even born with
the innate ability to give
and share love.. and humans
are evolved by Nature as God
to optimally give and share love with
at most 150 to 200 sets of friendly loving
eYes groWinG this Love as A Garden of Eden
in a forage for subsistence and shelter together
in a warmth of life where the human life and love is
the prize and not a tool we create instead from clothes
to cars to homes to cities to spaceships to leave our home
of earth.. so.. the priest comes to visit my mother and while i told
his secretary.. i didn’t know how comfortable my sister would be with
the last rites ceremony for the sick and dying.. no different than a doctor
insisting on blood pressure medicine when the top part goes over 140 now or
the bottom part goes over 90 in the doctor’s office.. the prescription required
by the pope’s administration.. is to give these last rites to insure an entry into heaven..
and that was fine.. the priest didn’t ask.. he acted.. as my sister was gone out of the room…
i understand/feel/sense.. the importance of
rituals as shared positive
emotions to comfort
poured on an
innocent head.. shortly
after birth.. thing is.. how much more
for the God of Love would allowing people
who just so happen to be gifted by God with
different sexual orientations to make their love
recognized as holy and sacred as another couple’s
love that they choose to hold holy and sacred full of
meaning and purpose to give and share the rest of their lives..
well.. sAdly.. it’s not in the manual.. and as synchronicity will have
it.. when my old Tennis Buddy.. the Monsignor.. rigidly performed every part
of the ritual perfect.. up to the song he sang loud and proud as a Catholic
administrator and priest same.. he got to the part where he needed to read
from the last page of his manual to get it perfect and suddenly he couldn’t find
the page.. it seemed like a rather cold ceremony.. so i interjected some humor and
said.. well.. Mike.. perhaps it is the “Mandela effect” (when what you remember from
before becomes something totally different) per in this case.. OMG Fred.. the page is gone..
well yes.. after flipping back and forth and of course after doing this an innumerable number
of times.. he found the correct page and all was finished according to the book as assigned
to him.. thing is.. if we could all just go back to Love and use some common sense/feel/can/
WiLL.. Love could rule but sadly the world has become a very complicated place where words
have taken the place of
Love.. where words are rules
becoming collective intelligence and
religions to enforce those rules along
with cultures and more tools to bring
creature comforts like cloth blankets too..
but without love.. truly.. it is just one big
empty palace or skyscraper with an empty Trumpet
that has no song.. when humans become refugees.. now..
where the rule of love no longer applies.. God cries a tear
that is empty of the water of breathing Love.. but it goes back
to square one root one problems.. without the naked breast of love
at birth that grows this garden of Love in a place fertile and small enough
for Love to thrive.. the cold comes.. and the poor of spirit spend a life doing tHeir
best in/with/as tools of life to replace what is missing inside… a dance and song of Life that
if one can feel..
sense.. be more..
with will.. lettiNG love
guide one NoW in all one
does with fearless smART
WiLL oF Unconditional Love..
to get unplugged.. as a human tool
of culture.. can be so difficult.. but when
Love rings as faith that is smART without fear..
Love rings a song that can be heard without distance..
space or time.. and what the only thing truly in liGht any church..
home.. or dance bar late at night.. lives.. is the love that is more than
one person who shares.. together.. as a cup of love that has no golden chalice..
but the gold
no limits or
to dance and sing as
Love forevermore now..
so.. as my mother lays dying on
her bed in rest and comfort.. the love
she gives and grows in me IS A Hurricane
of Love with calm center eye that growS on
Ocean whole as Love guiding any eYe oF wISe..
TrutH and LiGht..:)
one might ask.. Superman..
now.. what really is kryptonite..
weLL iT’s the same human
nature story that is the
act of life over
father finds the most feminine
loving mother and births a child..
super masculine is super fearless
but doesn’t have the ability to express
Love like super feminine does.. so opposites
come together in attraction and as science shows
before the advent of ‘the pill’ that smooths attraction
more out to gender neutrality of egalitarian which ain’t
a bad thing overall.. thing is.. it is a combination of fearless
love that can breed a super hero man or woman or the ‘tween
of that and much comes into
way of adversity
and love to make
Clark Kent change
to Superman for more..
and actually.. the original
Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde
Literature is named as a source
of the Superman story too.. as the
tender Garden of the Divine Love of
a Mother’s Breast can create warmth out of
a stone of warrior that might have otherwise grown
that way from daddy’s who tell their little boys that boys don’t cry..
toughen up son in loud down south way to use a stereotype of
course as human diversity in biodiversity rains as clouds
as spectrum oF LiGht thru dArk beYOnd rainBow colors
in all pArts of the world as one race of
human beings too..
anyway.. that’s where
i come from.. a father of fearless
who escaped a den of love..
not easy growing
up in the
of assessed places
in the United States
here in a place with the most
old time religion churches per square
mile by record and 5 or so military bases
designed to kill to defend rather than love to spread..
as what divine feminine love does in grace over masculine
will and strength.. i’ll not build a skyscraper for i did not go to military
school.. but what i can and will do is continue to spread fearless love..
in all i do.. and yes.. this is opposed to the place of environment
i come from but the Flower(S) sPeak different.. in Saint Rose
county from Saint Rose of Lima Catholic Church
from State of Flowers
in a mill-town
here now as
of my hands of song
and feet that dance over
kick ass as those feet were the
strongest ever last night at the gym…
might have pressed 1020 LBS 50 times
and i could have gone longer as after all
my mother can still struggle past three men
my size to escape from a bed of death back to God FReED now too…
Yes.. real SupermenwomenEtC.. get their strength from LOVE.. doubt
am i stronger
with legs of love
at age 56 here now..
than any other big man
in that gym.. it is the love
inside that is calm that powers
this Hurricane art as winds of grace
and strength in me.. and without that love
i am just a piece of paper full of structural infirmities
still shown clearly on Cat Scan and MRI.. in terms of
arthritis and spinal stenosis ranging from top to bottom
still of me now.. and that’s the thing.. i am more than just
flesh and blood as my mother still is on her death bed too..
i live through
death as life and
never give up.. and with
this said i am going a little
shorter on this 747th MacroVerse
of Ocean wHole longest form poem…
i am still lifting more than three men by legs
of dance and song of love.. and doing the work
of 10.. maybe 20 poets each day as my Mother’s Love
rings on in eYes of me.. Helen.. did you know you created
this much love.. yes.. she did before the brain cancer got too bad
as she told me so when she could see that love in my words in all
the pages i shared of what came out of my heart in the last year that
i shared verses with her from my GodsUniVerseNovel3 where i have
a stack of pages bigger than several books as just a small paRt of that
one MacroVerse poem of 338,630 words and all this effort was worth it
just so i could relate how much she has meant to me and how much i loved
her whole no matter what.. so thanks God for helping me to find a way to say
it after God brings me this gift of life as love to say it one more time and forever
now.. so yes.. this 76th MacroVerse of ‘Nether Land Bible 2017’.. arises to higher sTiLL in
number of words as the 75th MacroVerse brings it up to 1,145,032 words.. with Ocean Whole Poem
of all 747 MacroVerses now still well exceeding 3.3 million words and i will keep it no secret..
whenever they talked about the Virgin Mary in Catholic Church.. the only person i saw
was my mother then and still now as she is the source of my love no matter
what happened way back then.. and for me she has always been
my Jesus alive on earth and priest moreover than any
man in church.. and no.. i will be no political
leader and no.. i will never
rule the world
she died she
came to find out
she did grow a garden
of love in me.. She knew
i am love while she was well
and that is enough for me until
the day i die as she told me i would come
back to live then and i did from death as life..
this passes.. all passes.. and love is real now…
will i dance tonight in my 148th dance night at
old Seville Quarter to shine that light of love in dance..
as my mother greW in me from birth.. i WiLL if i can and
i wiLL aT
i have a song
for this and all it is
is humble love for my mother..
and that example that good cop super
hero Jesus that was provided to me between
the lines of a book i read who was for all the outcasts
in life who loved like my mother did and does.. that Jesus
of Love is worthy of thanks and praise no different than my
mother or anyone else as all of Nature as PARt of GoD wHole.. as
doubt and fear and even hate can be turned into faith and hope and even love…
i’LL do what i can but seriously we are going to need a lot of different folks with Good
cop Jesus sKin on to turn this titanic around before the iceberg of doubt fear and hate
the ship of
faith hope and love to crash.. yes..
i’LL do what i can but i am just a
gRain of sand.. the solace IS A grain
of sand holds up a mountain of love
that can and will be human too
as long as Good
the forms of
as a gRain of sand
as big as the gift of Love
that is the Greatest grace of
God of Nature Given as real Force of Love..
of GreaTest story
of God forevermorEnow..:)
Mother’s Day Forevermorenow
BeforE and After NovEL pARTy
Introductory post to Free Novels..:)
Free Verse Poetry Novel..:)
Free Verse Poetry Novel..:)
Epic Free Verse Poetry Novel
Approximately 3000+ printed pages…
With Hundreds of Beautiful Beach Photos..:)
KATiE MiA FredericK!iI
3.3 Million plus words
Super Epic Free Verse Poetry Novel
SonG oF mY SoUL..:)
Approximately 30,000+ printed pages…
And yeS.. FinAlly..
CrediTs FiELd oF DreAMs..
A Thanks YoU oF sORts..
GRains oF SaNd
oF LoVe NoW..:)
GodsUniVerse 42 HiTchHiKinG
Hmm.. more and less..
A Meaning oF liFe..;)
After Book of Fred
of course too..
6000 Miles of DANCE WALKING! NOW!
6000 Miles of DANCE WALKING! NOW!
Documenting this Public Feat oF Feet in 3 years..:)
After Dance oF Fred
Stop DanCinG noW..:)
Book oF Ten Sixteen..
9 Macro Verses from
October 2016.. totaling
141,244 words.. all liNked
from that Month like A Great PumPkin..;)
New Testament oF ELeVen iN HeaVen ‘SiXteen
New TesTament HeaVeN iN ELeVeN ‘SiXteen
Total of 12 MacroVerses with
final chapter of this New Personal
Testament named as such.. 181,221 words..
as streAMs.. RiVers… OceaN wHOle wAves SinG oN.. FReED..:)
12 MilLioN ThanksGiVinG Words 2016
12 MiLioN ThanksGiVinG Words 2016
Documenting 12 Million words written
Since ThanksGiVinG oF 2010 or
A Seventh Book wHOle noW
oR wiTh 16 Macro-Verses
2016.. iT iS wHAt
2nd NT iN HeaVen TwELve ‘Sixteen
Included as 13 Macro-Verse liNks iN
Grand Cross Bible 2016.. 181,291 words..:)
Grand Cross Bible 2016
61 Macro-Verse chapter liNks
provided in this last chapter as
full table of contents oF A 915K
Word.. Personal Bible aS SucH..
Written from Memorial Day
2016 and finished and
published 7 months
later on Christmas
Day oF 2016..
aS thiS beComeS
mY 9th book completed
iN Star Year 2016 that ranges..
yes.. approaching 2 MilLioN words..
iNclusive oF 12 MilLioN.. over 6 years
written and recorded NoW oNline too..
Y.. yeS.. oF course.. ’cause i CaN Do WiLL..
Fearless smART LoVe
wRiTe oN cOUrse..:)
KATiE MiA FredericK 2016 A Year in Review
A ReView oF A Record Years of Record years..:)
CoLoRs of HeAVeN Bible 2017
66 Macro-Verse Table of Contents Chapter liNks WiTH
5 added as a revision to ‘Grand Cross Bible 2016’
wHeRe A iSReaL Revelation oF HeaVeN
is made at the
eNd and continuing
beGiNNinG aS WeLL..:)
VicTorY LaP iN HeAVEn 2017
The rise oF A MiLLioN
Word Bible aT
Over 1.01 MiLLiON
Words and suRE..
A Victory Lap GoinG
aLong wiTh aLL thaT iS
And This aT thE 67th MacroVerse
oF thaT Bible.. pArt oF Ocean Whole Poem more..:)
CelebRaTinG 42 MoNths iN HeAVEn
Yes.. most Definitely Worth
Celebrating and noting
in Epic way too..:)
Nether Land Bible 2017
NoW A Third ReViSiOn of a Personal
MiLLioN plUs Word Bible
at this 69th MacroVerse
rest of the Bible
arriving at 1,052,137 words
total at this 69th MacroVerse poinT
as words continue in coMiNg MacroVerses
after this 69th MacroVerse as nows continue to Go oN NoW..aLLFReED..LonGeR..;)
Sending love, smiles and prayers across the miles xxx
New Blogger Poet Friend.. Xenia Tran.. sends kind wishes in regard to my mother..
Sending love, smiles and prayers across the miles xxx
And i return with..
She returns with
smiles and a heart emoticon
And i return
with a smile emoticon..
And with that said.. the healing value
oF A Mother’s hand cannot be denied by
those who feel the love that Mother’s hand
can bring in Unconditional way.. and fortunate
am i to hold that warm and loving hand once again
as the Doctor’s
from two days
to a week to live
for now.. my sister
and i taking shifts at her
bedside now.. and off to lift
my spirits now in how i do that the
best in hopes of spreading that gift
oF liGht as inborn and bred by my mother’s
hand of love as there is rarely a healing touch
as loving as a Mother’s hand and i am surely
glad she is going the way she wanted
too.. at rest it appears will
be her curtain
creator as liGht
comes from dArk
and goes to liGht
continues as liGht..
and sMiLes.. i’ve experienced
too many miracles in life not to
believe in life forevernow.. too much
magic in one life that makes Santa look
like a skeleton in a closet alone.. allone with
God all now forevermorenow all paRts we whOLe NoW
uS LoVinG LiGht as GoD SpiRit fLIGht moreevermorenow…
i wish i could impArt this 100% Faith with and on everyone as liGht
as words are surely not the sAMe as the foreveressence as NOW liGht..
so.. i celebrate my mother’s liFE and her exit from misery and suffering and
all of liFe associated with pain as the dARk is PARt oF liGht too.. and tHeRE is
no separation from God in our daRkest thoughts and moments we feel and see NoW
any oTher way than that.. does it hurt.. sure.. more than i’ll ever put into words.. but
nah.. it doesn’t numb nearly as bad as having nothing left to feel and sense inside of Love
or to give as LiGht as Force as LoVE is power oF liGht we share when isreal as fLIGht to
of we Ocean
with unlimited shores
of Love to grow even more..
so.. yeah.. off to dance to stay afloat..
off to float to dance and sing liFE aLIVE
and celebrate the greATest gift we all alive
liFe as liFE
lOvE goeS oN as noW more..
And thanks from me goes out to all of those
who have extended kind wishes and thought in
all the ways that comes from a tear of reaction on
Facebook to a loving flesh and blood hug as touch..
it’s all love.. in all forms it comes it’s all essence when
Love wins Love wins Love wins..:)
Facebook Friend and nice niece Candie says..
This is so beautiful and sad at the same time.
With Sad emotion and Crying tears emoticon
And i return with..
Appreciation of Love…
my very nice and kind niece.. Candie..
Love lives as long as Love Lives..NowmoreeverforevermorenoW..:)
Back after an afternoon and night with my mother and a dance
floor to express all my emotions and senses without
bottling it inside.. and ironically..
i suppose/feel/sense a great song
for this 77th MacroVerse
of this ‘Nether Land Bible’ now
totaling 1,153,816 words with the
76th MacroVerse added in of also now
748th MacroVerse here staRting for Longest
Long Form poem of over 3.3 Million words closing
in on the 42th Month of poetic stream of consciousness
Holy spiRit co-creative writing with the God of Nature all..
since the end of August 2013 in Word Press way and total blogging
experience with first spark of that spirit expresSinG at the end of
February 2013 in a PM to my first and only Facebook Friend then in what
surprised me in flow the same as it did when i won a Christmas Story in a
middle school two homeroom classroom competition of 80 students where i had no idea
where the words came from then and a spark in a philosophy class at age 18 in college
writing all about the Universal God of Nature then having no idea where the words that floWed
out of my fingers came from then.. and it came in spurts.. starting at the end of February
2013.. now close to the 48th month point.. and really flowed along with the free verse
public metro dance that also started at the end of August 2013.. when the Word Press poetic
effort of longest long form poem came.. then.. so yes.. it is safe to say as ‘they’
say.. the spirit has been upon me for 42 months full in flow and around
4 years in and out all toGether now.. by the end of this month..
so.. sure.. i used “Time in a Bottle” as the Bottle is
my SpiriT eXpreSsinG EmoTions and seNses of HeARt
from head to toe and more in the art of
a miNd and BoDy BaLanCinG SoUL..
so.. in other words
i am putting
this bottle heaR..
for floW iN ZonE of
ArT aliVE alWays noW
as Love and all the Pro-social
emotions that spRinG from that but
what i leARned when i lost my emotions
for 66 months is emotions are what make us human
and this art of free verse poetry is what connected
the language as guide posts erected before to house emotion
bRinGing the essence of EmoTioNal and SeNsoRy SpiRit back to
live in shells of
word no matter
had no essence
of FeeLinG SenSinG
EmoTiOns within.. and that’s
a sad thing.. perhaps.. a saddest thing
when someone says your words are beautiful
and you cannot feel the beauty of words or even
a sunset or a sunrise or flower in the niGht or Day..
and trUst me that is the bottle of Love you do not want to lose..
and the way i found it back was three fold..
through words oF oLd through Music
of my youth.. and through
the photos of the
Loves i lost
of Love in youth
in how i adjusted to
that emotional turmoil was
to shut emotions down progressively
through all the stresses of life until
they no longer existed and they seemed impossible
to find again.. you see.. Epigenetics and Neuroplasticity
in change adapting to environmental stress for the positive in human
evolution in just one life can go both ways.. yes.. negative too..
use it or lose it
applies to all
life.. so.. February
16th will be the afternoon
and evening i sat at my mother’s
bedside and expressed all my emotions
that trust me.. were a Hurricane of dance
last night for a crowd to experience as i was
born a very emotional person.. a very sensitive person
who could feel/sense everyone and everything like i could not
separate and individuate myself from everything and everyone
and that is just one form of Autism that overwhelms a person to
where they don’t make
it all out
at once in what
they experience as a storm
of life in emotional and sensory
experience.. other forms of autism
are opposite.. where either emotions go away
or they never exist at all.. Autistic Psychopathy
as it is originally named by Hans Asperger as he
sheltered these children from the Nazi Effort to eliminate
anyone ‘less than perfect’.. in the early 20th Century.. oh
yeah.. and speaking of feelings.. my wife reminded me i forgot to
mention that she gave me that ‘Five Days at Freddy’s’.. T-shirt
right after i said i needed a special shirt for Valentine’s Day as
i never finished that thought in the last MacroVerse SonG..
anyWAy.. i am moving a little too much on a fact
finding mission here away from
emotions and that
is the other
part of some
forms of Autism..
super logical minds that
get locked into data download
and output mode and lose it or use
it comes into play that way unwittingly
so.. and next thing ya kNow people are no longer
saying you are too emotional kid.. to hey.. Fred computer
head.. solve this problem for us as you are now just a valuable
commodity to get the job done.. and that’s okay for job security
but not okay at all for soUL security.. trust.. faith.. hope.. and love and
all the stuff that kills doubt.. fear.. and the worst ‘friend’ of all that is hate…
So now it’s true.. now that i have a way to get all my shit together i not only
believe i can fly.. i can just do it.. as i have all the emotional and physical
intelligence tools innate.. instinctual and intuitive to get the job all done..
and no doubt.. this is why written language stARTed to hold human emotions in a bottle
too as words of faith.. hope and love.. to share and re-visit when times of emotional
loneliness and cold came then.. so.. we can find this help through the art expresSinG
experiences of other folks through words and other forms of human art too.. for it’s true..
all words and letters and other symbols are art as they are guideposts for our emotional and
sensory and knoWinG experiences of TrutH and liGht for what we kNow and FeeL and Sense
to be good in life and yes.. the DArk side away from liGht expresSinG as spiRit too..
as all emotions play a role in how we BaLAnCe ouR soUL as A Force that works
to get the job of not only survive but thrive ToGeThER doNe now…
my mother’s life inspires me to fly.. all my loved
one’s lives inspires me to fly and all
of creation and God of Nature
inspires me to fly..
as to fly
down by the chains
of dARk.. to fly is to let
one’s EmoTioNs/SeNseS/SpiRit DancE
and SinG free aS LiGht unChained now
from the dARk EmoTions and SenSEs that
weight us down.. but you ‘see’.. the dARk is
an anchor thAT bRinGs uS uP to liGht even higher
than beForE if we use those WinGs of LoVe Gifted to us
By the God OF NaTuRE aLL as HiGheST hUman PotEnTiaL as LiGht…
the Truth is.. the ways of path of life journey that take us to this
place oF liGht as liFE JouRney destination present of Now..is not alWays easy
getting heaR but it surELy is worth all the crosses of dARk as aRk that take us
place to fly
in/as SoUL.. tHeRE is
alWays more dARk to come
but the saVinG Grace is when
we dance and sing that dARk as art
and make a bottle of the present now
of Love that never goes away at least to
the point where we can go back and find it as
life line later.. and that’s the thing too.. as many people
will tale you.. that life line back to love is their Mother..
i will be able to find her back here just by typing in the words
“Mother’s Gift Now” in Google.. really easy for me to remember but the
thing is.. just like when i took notes in class.. i never had to refer back
to them to remember them.. as art.. whether taking notes or painting is how
we cement those memories with emotions and senses of focus in the moment as present
of now when do our art.. the real gift is for someone else to see notes and art same that
and sensory place
that perhaps they have
never been before that spARks
a liGht in them.. so.. we give and
share and GroW toGeTheR that way and
that is wheRE avenues for free art in all
the small and haha.. ‘bigger ways’ that come..
do come into play ranging from Instagram to
Facebook to Blogs to Dance Halls to
still to Sunday
Morning Church where
we sing together and
hold hands when saying positive
words of prayers to bind us toGEther
in EmoTiONal Love.. same as a naked dance
of Indians under moonlit campfires of lOve
with the rhythms of drums and fluted instruments
as throat song and heaRt Beat of Human extended even
more.. this is humanity.. this is love.. this is what we
humans do best toGethER in a Dance and Song of Life as we art it
togEtheR and save the best to enjoy it again toGethER forevernow
again as the cycles of dARk and liGht go on forevermore noW in a
Heaven here on
eARTh.. at least that is
how the elders did it when
i was young.. and i find a way..
anyWay as a path on a journey to express
that sPiRit of heaRt now with photos.. videos..
words.. and yes the oldest arts of Feat of Dance
and Voice of SonG in what we are innately gifted with from
birth sTiLL NoW
as we come
liGht and dARk
as that cycle of liFE
iN DancE and SonG goeS oN.. as LOVE..:)
And.. oh.. goodness that reminds me to take a quick
note here that i am now 7 full MacroVerses of back up
on Facebook personal page and two other pages which is
around 100K or so words to be copied and pasted on three
FB pages at close to a third of a million words.. well.. i’ve
been further behind than that as the words floW oN as ya
is LuKe Hot..
sTiLL copying and
pasting to Facebook
as i go.. but hey.. sooner
or later i’ll get it all collected
togeTher and labeled then as continuing
exPaNding archive of the soUL that will not die.. now
as i extend all those soUls that i love heAR as well..:)
It almost seems so simple now that i missed it.. make every
move as dance and sound as word holy and sacred in life full of
meaning and purpose and Heaven comes as a Kingdom within to give
and share with others all Naturally and it’s true as ‘they’ say ‘the
word’ is holy but if you close the book of love it becomes hard to expand
it to groW more as Ocean wHole of God’s art in our eYes of Love and to leave
out the first
uS is to leave
most of what drives us
from head to toe.. namELy
our EmoTioNs and SenSes integral
to the huManity oF Love now.. so..
Dance and Sing Love as Art..
in a bottle
that SinGS now
with no distance.. space
or time.. just love.. juSt Love
as Dance and Song..iSReaL NoW..FLYLOVE..:)
And by A way “I Believe I Can Fly” came out
when our son Ryan endured his life of 51 days
in Shand’s Hospital.. in ’97.. all he experienced
in life is what my mother
at the end
he taught me to fly..
chained in that bed from
birth to death.. finally free in my
arms to escape pain to the blessing
of death as my mother is going to do soon
too.. i voWed to fly hiGher after my
only son and child died…
respect of the
gift of my mother..
the gift of my birth.
the gift of all those who
i love.. namEly all of Creation as GOD NoW LOVE..:)
words.. my dance.. my song.. so
let it be written so let it be dOnE…MORE..NoW..:)
DArk inside.. begs
liGht to come back as
the pain of watching my Mother
die and the comfort i wish to give her
is all life at this point of now.. nah.. i refuse
to escape as this is as much paRt of liFe as the
liGht that will continue to aRise after dARk.. i’LL touch
the sKeYes soon enough as the paths branch out more
into journey oF LiGht…
mY Mother’s greaTest
wish was that i would
never cry and be
the Katrina came
and she kNew that
prayer was answered..
and yes.. it is answered as
Katrina takes the dARk away
and gives me comfort of Love in
this most difficult of days now..
and there are angels here
and theRe who truly
tHeir fellow human beings
like the nice girl from the gym.. Vida..
who cared enough to ask me at Old Seville..
why i came to work-out early on Wednesday
and even told the Older Military Hero who works out
there who goes to our church about it so he could provide
words of comfort too.. as when i walked into the gym last
night.. Vida Raised her arms up and said ‘Norm’.. i mean
Fred.. hehe.. ‘Cheers’.. reference tHeRE for those
not in the ‘norm’ know/feeling/ and sense
of pop-culture and real life
too.. the human
touch takes the pain away
and sympathy arises for others through
actually experiencing the dArk oF LiGht that
combines wITh liGht Now from dARk and sHades
of grey and beyond rainbow colors too.. to make all that is
aka God wHOle more than we can see/feel/and sense too.. art as
the HouSinG of the essence of the hUman heART.. SpiriT ExpreSsinG
miNd and BoDy BaLanCinG soUL as vehicLE and vessEL to carry liGht
on and yes.. DARk.. the ShaDes of Grey and BeYond Rainbow colors for oTher
folks to see and feeL and senSe as more of liFe to perceive as reALiTy even more..
aS even in the dArkest MiDnight hour we are BeingS oF LiGht and even with a Solar
Eclipse like the first one to cross the entire United States from east to west
in 99 years and the first total solar eclipse since ’79.. coming this
August 21st.. 2017.. liGht comes back without fAil as the
greAtest fear has alWays been
it will stay
never come back..
i feel the liGht of my MoTher
sTiLL as she lays dying in her bed
now.. and i feel the liGht of humaniTy as
it surEly seems to be groWinG dARker heaR in
some places who/that refuse to even see the dARk..
and that’s the thing.. if one refuses to see/feel/sense dARk
tHeRE can be no trUe liGht without the recognition Now of dARk..
And the dARk and liGht comes noW iN unlimited ways.. and culture..
local or larger can hide the dArk in so-calLed liGht clothes
and expose the liGht in so called dARk clothes..
as there is surELy much for the world
to learn and feeL and sense
as a revelation
of the trUe forces oF
dARk against the trUe forces
oF liGht thaT is alWAys sHades of Grey
and beYOnd rainbow colors too.. perHaps coMes
to liGht and dARk and the ‘tween beyond thAT as that
is what adversity does.. it bringS out all the colors of humanity bold..
and cold and yes
too.. for sure..:)
This liGht inside.. this flame.. this flicker when it grows dim in the
face of emotional and sensory darkness as i can relate when we lost
our child and the other losses of life.. it is truly those who offer
comfort iN those times bringing the flicker of flame that is waning
hiGheR in the human liGht of BeinG
that i for one will
alWays remember now
no different really
too from a distance
like the song ‘Firework’ by
Katy Perry that was the only
SonG oF LiGht my soUl could hear
back in 2010 or so in the dead zone then..
‘Raise your Glass’.. by Pink.. was another one and
sure.. i’ll remember the stories the Military hero provided
of his Irish mother passing with cancer at age 94 with her
hands folded toGetHeR.. soUL.. waiting to receive communion then..
and his humorous remark at the end that if after he dies and neXt
if he finds there is no Heaven.. he is gonna be pissed.. and nah..
i didn’t go on all about the Kingdom of Heaven now on this eARTh
promised in this generation by the ‘old jesus’ back in the
days of Biblical text that remains now to
say what i for one feeL and
sense can be the
Earth now.. then
and alWays noW for
those who seek and find it
by never giving up.. and nah..
not a place that everyone can fit tHeir
camel through as this needle is perHaps the
tightest fit ever in a society that does its best to make
US As form of the tools we use including even words beyond
the essence oF liGht as Love Within iN MoVinG.. coNnecTinG
CreAtinG ways from head to toe and more to free the liGht of we
insiDe to mid-day Sun in Darkest niGhts of new moon midnight bLack..
and the animals have this liGht too.. to suggest they don’t is perhaps the
do in tHeir seemingly
unceasing disrespect Now
for the rest of Nature all animate
and inanimate and never trUly inanimate
at the sub-atomic flow level of BeinG noW liGht
as LiGht expands as existence now or retracts some
what as we lose that liGht.. LiGht more.. LiGht less.. move
more.. connect more.. create more or the otheR place of dArk..
thaT much we do have relative free will control of as co-creators of
our realiTies now with the ForcE of all Nature which sure.. yA can call God now
to express the essence
of God isREaL NoW.. anyWay..
my sister and i are on shifts at my Mother’s
side as she no longer wakes and we just wanna
make sure she is not alone through the end of her life
now.. so yeah.. this is rather therapeutic for me to balance
the dARk with the liGht as much as i can as i am only human of course
and last night i felt the kryptonite again.. i’ve been in that kryptonite place
for 66 months and long before that for a year and more..and surely
do not wanna go back again.. but it’s trUe..
think about it.. the
oF LiGht.. these comic
booK and other art folks
and tHeir word/audio/visual play either
witting or unwitting surELy fits the bill of
human spiritual life that is as real as what
you feel and sense of life or what you don’t and
sure.. in a science way that’s a fAct too.. if only in ethical
case study view..iN this inner UniVerse one can neither fear the
dARk or be cynical of thE liGht to more fully eXplore as the scientific
method is made more for form surELy than the essence of all that is GOD.
So.. a little behind but not left behind on MacroVerse memories here over the last
several days as shared on Facebook too.. hmm.. ‘Left Behind’.. life imitates art..
and a reminder from Facebook Friend Greg on that as most all those folks who read that
‘Left Behind’ series seem to have a death wish of making the Anti-Christ of that story
come true and
as dARk goes…
The human as Carl Sagan
intimated in the ‘Contact’ inspired
movie is so true in the end of that movie
too.. humans.. are capable of such great dreams
and horrific nightmares through their imagination and
creativity of dARk… ‘tween… liGht and beyOnd.. and as hiStory
repeats hisSeLF.. we need a little heRstory now.. the Love of a Mother
who brings sandwiches
chain to the
basement of love..
(pArtly inspired by
the military hero who
had a stern father when
he got in trouble and a mother
with a sandwich to feed a starving heart)..
there are a lot of starving heARTs in this country
and the world now.. and sadly.. some of the emptiest
hearts are in fully feathered nests as how that appLies appLes to
nurturing the rest of humanity in need.. as the appLES continue to faLL
Love to doubt..
fear and hate as Love
WiLL eventually win as herstory shows..
a sandwich for the children of God more as liGht..
and i do mean all the children all of Nature too as God.. too..:)
“Elephant GreY GOD”.. MacroVerse from two years ago.. speaKing
to the problem of worshipping form over essence.. in other words when
words and books and cars and homes and skyscrapers with folks names
God of Nature
essence we are born
innately with without any of these
human tools.. including written words..
as God lives on a desert Isle no different than
what we attempt to relate of God in symbols of human
abstract constructs we name as words.. outcasts find this
TrUth liGht much easier as we have more time to seek and find
it outcast of course on a desert Isle with God.. i tried to relate that
concept to a bunch of folks on a place called the ‘Wrong Planet’.. where
there was little poetic heART spArk and i attempted to relate it in a poetic
place named DvERse and that change of seeing Nature as God on a Desert Isle
was suggested NOT as real change in viewing life whole.. you see.. they are
to get back as
a man.. namely
the person who couldn’t
figure out what the FucK i was
speaKinG about when they deleted my
effort to describe the change that happens
when God becomes real now on a desert Isle
and one becomes allone and never alone again..
Kingdom of Heaven as the Jesus related that the Kingdom
of God lives within everyone and not just FucKinG him iF yoU
SeeK iN God of course within.. you kNow it’s funny.. the first priest
who came to give my Mother the last rites.. went by the book and halLeD
ass to the next location.. a busy man he was.. the B priest in the hierarchy
below the alpha priest came in the next day and he had a little time to listen
to my John 14:12 story.. of course.. i didn’t spell it out for him and he left given
the opportunity to do that as a nurse came in.. but the third man of the cloth..
a Hospital Chaplain who doesn’t ‘discriminate’ against any specific faith/sexual
orientation.. etC..eTc..aL..aT all.. listened intently to my story and could ‘see’ the spiRiT
iN me more than the book i continue to write no
different really than the African
last week who identified
me as a ‘member of her spiritual
family’ before i said a thing juST by
the liGht as my Face iN sMiLes as most
all African American Churches STiLL noW heAR
seem to more easily do as they live more by spiRit
than words alone.. DanCinG praise iN SonG as liGht too..
as i told her it is more often.. the little children and the ‘minority’
groups who see me as i aM a Member of tHeir ‘family’ too.. again it goes
back to the seek and find parT.. the more outcast the more seek and find
liFE goes with GoD wHole.. the more sympathy unless one becomes a bully
with vengeance over victory too.. anyWay.. this MacroVerse continues to inspire me..
and God overall too..:)
“STiLL Dreams Dance”.. MacroVerse from a year ago.. still pushing
close to a year here in this effort of responding to an entire year of
all prompts and links at dVerse Poetry Pub from April of 2015 through March
of 2016.. as hey.. that’s what ya gotta do to attempt to be part of a community
when you are the odd creative one out.. hehe.. even in a creative community to
validate your existence there.. it was only a matter of time when the free verse originator
of that opportunity for online creativity of poetry left and his nice co-founder too.. let’s just
say.. the scientist poets took over with their more restricted ways of forms with little patience
artist(s) who came
back to visit again and again
and again without fAil.. heHe.. i was
a little harder to get rid of than they expected
for sure.. and all of that year of poetic training
just readied me as training to write a bible now
exceeding 1.153 million words at the
end of that 338,630 word
effort that was
with my mother
the last year i had with
her in hard copy pages.. she
could read off my home computer here..
it was worth all the crosses to give that liGht
of my soUL to my MOTher as she said she understood
more about my soUl than ever before and as mentioned earlier
when the brain cancer started to attack her mind.. her views became
distorted but hey.. love don’t mind.. love just keeps loving and she did too..
reigned on as rain oF liGht..
as i Loved it would and Love it does..:)
‘They’ say grief comes in three stages.. denial
anger.. bargaining.. depression.. and acceptance.. and i suppose
i did the denial/bargaining some at first as i only could think of being
reborn to my mother forever living with her.. and then there was the
anger.. nah.. not at her.. but at this patriarchal make you into a big man
culture to be a warrior/hunter and all that jazz for survival that is truly a part
of human nature too.. when doubt.. fear.. and scarcity turn into hate
as surely a scare city too.. i had too many meltdowns at home
while the bully boys tried to extinguish my soul..
and my mother had to endure the dark
they brought to me more
than anyone else..
and my sister too..
i do not like bullies..
they can even raise my blood
pressure and turn my feet into
weapons but i refuse to succumb
so i dance instead.. and let it all go.. and sure.. i went a little
ballistic in dance on Thursday night as i remembered all those bullies
as the head bully is Trump now and those same boys/girls
fear and hate.. now
as that is anti-christ incarnate…too..
i do my best to love my enemies and
let God with Karma do what’s next within
them.. if you don’t think you’ll ever have to face
look in the mirror..
is the only advice now
i can give ‘you’.. as i don’t think
i’ve done the worst of sin.. but when i faced
God i still endured hell for things i did.. in a burning
place forever that has no fire.. a place where all is time
and a second is a thousand years to polish your soul back to pure
and the Karma that works beyond that let’s just say after you die you
give up all control and the rest is left up to God.. i wouldn’t wanna come
back as a grasshopper and be crushed underneath foot then accidentally
by a child for a thousand times.. so.. you say science doesn’t prove it..
well the fact is science
shit now about
Karma as science
goes dArk when the liGhts go out too..
not trying to scare you but just trust me.. Karma is real..
and the best thing of all is.. is love.. so the best thing for me
to do now.. is give Trump and all his followers who were the ‘sAMe’
bullies i encountered by me then all my love and just let it go with the dance
as God of Nature has given me that most excellent tool to get all my emotions
of LiFE too..
in other words what
lives as my words and my
dance stays tHeRe and the liGht
of me GroWs oN more.. from
the dARk of
potEntial reaLITy agAin too..
in other words.. it is much more than
grace.. it is FucKinG iF yoU SeeK iN GoD more WORK..
as God the God of Nature is as real as the Love you FeeL and SenSE..
and hell yes.. as real as the Hate you FeeL and Sense too… sadly for some folks
more inviting to them..
break the habit.. i can only suggest
with a DancE and SonG of LiGht aWay from dARk..
oh yeah.. and yes i am experiencing depression for now..
i’d rather do that than repress the normal God given cycle of Emotions
are no real shortcuts
of gRace to LiGhT it’s worK..:)
A photo of Wife Katrina and my beloved cat Elwood who was one of the only
life lines i had back to love during the stresses of work-life
and fear over losing my job to decades
of reductions of force
of the human work
force by computers where
humans need not apply.. and even worse
than that as humans become slaves to computers
behind a screen and come to find out later they have
lost tHeir humanity as a price of being a slave to all that
as i surely did as i fAil off the face of humanity for 66 months..
it’s almost sad to warn folks as what do you do to make a living if
you do not slave to the demands of a job that requires us to be machine over human..
the answer is surely by metaphor ‘Jesus’ by literal too.. to give and share to the folks
without a shirt on their back of soUL.. i do that with words and dance and when all
giving and sharing money means nothing.. and that’s true as some rich folks
come to find to in tHeir philanthropy efforts too.. but sadly
there are still the Trumps.. sadly
as the dARk
side raises its
selfish taking head
as no longer even relevant
to the snake who does that just to survive in scarcity
as Trump owns Towers of his own style of Babylon now..
and to be clear.. Trump is only a metaphor for this.. he is nothing
without those he rules over to make his slaves either in work or politics same..
Love wins wiTh a wife in A Garden of Eden with animals other to love too.. Love wins
and a memory from
my friEnd Rafiah from a year
ago of that as my Muslim friend says..
I want to have my marital relationship as
loving and as compassionate as you
two have mashaa Allah..:)
SMiLes.. And wInks.. Yes..
we are the marriage model for a new world order..;)
Very sweet of you to say that as well.. Dear friend.. Rafiah..:)
And now i say.. the new world order comes from within.. not all
share it but it gives
And now.. “Effervescent GREEN Dreams and Black HOLE Souls”..
A 316 or 317 word effort.. depending on wHeRe you stop
reading.. heHe.. sure.. i’ll quote it again.. Ynot..
from two years ago.. in 2015.. rather short..;)
The greatest lesson of ALL IN my life..
is the blackest night of the soul..
can lead to the
of effervescent Hopes
of DREAMS AND
reality of life
constructed from abstract terms..
so written and LET be done….
as SAME AS sane…
But tHere ARE places of dark..
wHere no Light can come in or escape..
YES.. the dark CAN live again…
So perhaps.. tHis earth IS both heaven or hell or a mixture of BotH..
And perhaps WE are ALL journeying together in a place called
Yes.. the greater lesson of my life IS
that tHere IS HOPE even wHEn THeRE’s NO hope…
TheRe IS iMagiNatIon and cre@ivity where none of those exist..
JUST waiting to bud OUT of cocoons of human hell…
@to exist once again.. IN Imagination and Creativity
COME TRUE as
The butterfly flies again…..
And yes.. at times.. life stings a lot….
BUT ThErE IS ALLWAYS HOPE wHeRe
surprises me with
a Curious George T-shirt..
primate taking it easy
just laying back in imagination
and wonderment about life
in dreams of creativity…
before my fall to
TOTAL human exhaustion
19 human chronic stress
related medically documented
BODY NO LONGER
IS MAKING SENSORY
A REALITY AS
i sit with her on a big recliner..
before they stop streaming
a heart.. a soul..
for all practical
intents and purposes..
BY GOD i’M THAT
THAT i’M BORN TO
“Addicted too..” from a year ago MacroVerse memory too..
and it’s trUe i am addicted to Love and all essence and form
associated with Love.. and isn’t it kinda funny.. ya can call God
a man love
as essence over form
as statue can
bent out of shape
as essence under form too..
but nah.. it’s not really funny.. it is
human Nature.. what some folks cannot
measure and fit inside a form scares the
i seriously.. visited ‘one’ of
these so-called Christian
hate sites spewing hate
over all naked
see in modern
culture now.. and ‘they’
were determined to say
that Jesus is not Love.. so
God is Love and Jesus is not
Love and instead.. a warring beast to destroy
their enemies now.. don’t make sense don’t
make sense but hate makes bedfellows for
in adsense way..;)
MagicK of God’s Synchronicity.. just another MacroVerse
Facebook Memory shared from two years ago too..
and the thing is.. the word Magick IS A word
with a K added by a famous
of the more hidden
aspects of the inner human
Universe for greater God of Nature
give hUman Potential that science just
cannot touch with tHeir old two to five step
or whatever scientific method that relies on
observable empirical measurable phenomenon
that can be repeated by several scientist in objective
measure with results that can be clearly seen now by the
‘naked’ eye aS Such which of course is full clothed in form
by empirical measure so in other words it misses the essence
of form potEnTIaLly completely too.. so that is wHeRe the words
occult and esoteric and mystery schools come into play over ‘so
called’ normal scientific evidence that is really not much different
text or that sacred
bible or the other sacred
Koran from who ever supposedly
said this or that inspired by a hoLy
Creative spirit too.. not much different
than what is flying off my finger tips in God
Conversation of my SpiRit within now.. in sure
what a dude named Neale Donald Walsch referred
to when he got in his 50’s or so as that is often wHeRe/when
that floWer of Human Creativity blooms more once the constant
supervision of children responsibilities are gone and perhaps retirement
from being a cog in a machine makes art come more as dreamtime of creativity
brick in the
wall of Pink Floyd
Dream time too.. seriously..
being a brick in the wall kills
the God time of forevernow within..
hands of cLock sweep God of origin out of
the picture almost completely by my personal experience for sure..
but hey.. this is usually the best place i for one live.. a place of dreamtime with God now
come to Fruition
in Flesh and Blood too..
wiTh that flAMe inside that
burns more than Luke Hot now..
but nah.. no drugs for me.. aLL
Natural with God is how i
Ocean wHole more…
it’s hard to explain it in
scientific forms as reason
but i do what i can
i am with GOD
as co-Creator of my existence foR now..
as Love as the boat sail that drives me forward now..:)
‘The Art of Sacred Movement’.. MacroVerse from three years ago.. yes..
YES.. Oh Lord.. it’s been awhile since i brought anything associated with ‘lust’ in
the discussion here.. as usually depression and all stuff relate to dARk
of being human takes
yes.. being sick..
takes it away too..
as the best of LiGht
as Love is associated
with all natural
creATinG too.. repress and oppress.. subjugate
thaT and what you get is frustration.. aggression..
violence and even potential dirty bombs inspired by
dreams of 72 Virgins somewhere else butt consensual porn online…
all legal aS Such of course with no under legal age old age stuff of older age
so-called sacred text stuff too..ugh.. just ugh.. get back to Love please with
a healthy mix of consensual legal lust to drive the libido oF liGht orientated
creativity and productivity.. take it away and take so many colors of life away..
the saddest thing of all is never ever holding hands with the opposite sex that
is not immediately related to you.. until one gets pass the age of married.. that is
totAlly against God Given Nature that as science clearly shows even in physician case
study work in some countries leads to sexual abuse with incest and other stuff like rape…
you can fool the people in Trump ways but YOU WILL NEVER FOOL GOD IN AS NATURE
AND NAKED FOR ALL TO SEE..
in yeS even case study science way..:)
WeLL.. the (A) next cross of shift by my Mother’s
death bed is approaching now on 2.18.2017 and
tHeRE was/is this ‘prophecy’ oF A ‘MagicK Flute 2017’
that cAMe back on 2.18.2015.. yes..
exactly two years ago
brought to me
the human designed
FB algorithm that does in some
ways reflect the mINd oveRAll of God
too.. as after all hUmans reflect as fractal
wHOle creativity of/as the science minds that reflect
the God oF aLL MiNds of and as all of naTure plUs too
And with 293 words..
short enough to quote..;)
As i stand
close to midnight..
i look back on 2015
with both joy and sadness..
joy of the bringing of light
from the magicK
SADNESS AT NOT BEING
ABLE TO KEEP THE
SERIOUSLY COULDN’T YOU WAIT
JUST A LITTLE
Before you come out as
a mischievous Leprechaun
PLAYING THAT DAM
OVER THE PLACE
AND NOT TO MENTION
THAT MISCHIEF FILLED
all you have to do..
is to keep the werewolf
facade and how hard can
considering that Leprechauns
are not SUPPOSED
A PERFECT DISGUISE YOU
ARE GIFTED WITH
TO KEEP FROM BEING APPREHENDED
WITH THAT MAGICK
And now look where i am in 2017
captured as Leprechaun having to grant
three wishes to everyone
TOP OF THAT!
Having to explain to each and
every gift seeker that they already
always have the gifts
their human being
just waiting to be released as the higher
power of human being in accordance with
JUST WAITING TO ESCAPE
THE SOUND OF MAGICK
OF WISDOM..BEAUTY.. TRUTH..
THE SUPERIOR FORCE
OF MOTHER NATURE
And OH MY
this tradition has been passed on from
the seventh now’..
starting with Krishna
passing away that magicK
Flute sometime between
February 17 and 18th
BUT ANYWAY ..
hope you enjoy
a pot of
i say as
Day 2017 and this
year’s Fat Tuesday
is yeT to
thaT for NoW..
SpeaKinG aS noW oN couRse…:)
And sure.. if yA care to.. yA
can skip to the end of
the Magic (MozART)
see in subtitle
way how all this
ends and begins again..
sure.. different actors
And the LiVinG play aGaiN…
LeT’s juST say iT aLL fiTs toGeTher aGaiN
in both Tragedy and the Kingdom of Heaven now..:)
CRap.. i almost forgot to add..
Facebook Friend Ashe
says.. as status..
Drifting apart from friends
is always a bummer.
And i return again
Come back to
Say hi.. with never an expectation
Facebook Friend and Katrina’s Sister Kim.. says..
Continuing prayers for you Katrina Marilou Becky.
My heart is with yall if you or katrina need to talk just call me.
Love to you both.
And i say..
Thanks so much..
Kim that means so much to me..:)
Facebook Friend Ned/gigoid comes
by and says in kind words too..
My thoughts are with you, my brother….
And i return with..
Thanks.. my friend.. and i look forward to
commenting at your place soon.. as i
process all these emotions
that are difficult now..
and get through to the
this writing and
the dance really helps..:)
In response to a recent
comment on Rafiah’s blog
Some sing. Some dance.
And some stay quiet. These
all are expressions of human soul.
Freedom is being able to do whatever form suits one..:)
And i say..
Amen.. i’ll be
Back to sing more…
At Hospital now with
Dying Mother.. Love..:)
Prayers for your mother.
I wish she stays longer
with you my friend.
And i say in return..
Thanks.. my friEnd..:)
Rafiah writes another post in
regard to the human condition
and Virgins waiting for marriage
to cure the issue of human lust/love..
And i return with..
At first i thought you meant
suffer and sure.. unrequited
Lust/Love can surely lead
to at least
but yes.. as i do admit now..
i resorted to the online dictionary
to find the snuffer is that tool the
altar boys at church use to put out
the Holy flames..
and it’s true
the Azalea as i went across
the Hospital Meadow where pink
Azaleas were blooming with dew drops
of evening moisture.. yes.. got pictures to prove
it too.. hehe.. could have been a sprinkler system
i guess.. that i just missed too with sMILes but as you
said before.. the human condition and lust is just part
of God being
in this case
of the human condition
full as the most beautiful pArts
of life are the love and lust working
in consensual way that creates not only
more beautiful humans but also in general
as science shows.. a balance as such makes for
the libido that is a major source of all human creativity
and productivity too.. so i hope you are snuffering out that
feeling in some way that generates creativity and productivity
more as surELy that is why God makes us that way
all Natural too..
what works is what
works if all for good..
as the answers within
below and all around
liGht as LiFe.. anyWay i hate
to think of you suffering at all my friend
even iF.. iT is only A great frustration at hand…
AnyWay.. this week has been one of the hardest
of all in my life.. and each day i spend with my mother
the pain of past depressions come back to haunt me to
the point i feel the pain of the past from head to toe and
my body parts become week as kryptonite will do to even superman
too.. so i started out with a slow dance as my sister replaced us at the
Hospital tonight.. at SuperWalmart.. with what ‘they’ name as Kundalini
Rising music and chants for that too.,. and slowly the liGht came back
to all the cells of my body paRts again.. and by the end of the night when
i danced to the song ‘I Believe I Can Fly’.. by R. Kelley.. the song we listened
to when our baby was dying in the Hospital back in ’97.. i really did fly again as
i’ve been doing the past 42 months when i dance in public.. took about an hour
and 15 minutes
out of my system
but for now i’m back
and thanks for your prayers my friEnd..
i wish all the pleasure.. namELy.. love in the world.. to you..
And i hope at the end your life there is a son and a daughter
who is at your death bed loving you as much as my sister and i love my
mother as that IS A life complete when one is loved that much for the whole task at hand..
Insha Allah as
God WillIng.. within.. my FriEnd..:)
Oh yeah.. i like seeing your
new avatar that shows
your smile.. your
and the sun-light
behind your eYes..
my lovELy scientist friEnd.. Rafiah..:)
“How deep is your love,
How deep is your love
I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living
in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me”
It’s a good thing that i have a sister
and she has a ‘significant other’ for close
to the same number of years on a day of anniversary
with Katrina that we made seven days from Valentine’s day..
that makes it impossible to forget.. hehe.. as the twenty-seventh
celebration of that comes at the hardest of possible of times this Tuesday..
the 21st of February that if my mother lives that long will mark the seventh
day since the 14th of Valentine’s day.. when she went into the hospital to die..
so yeah.. there are actually four working together out of two loving couples for my
mother who are sitting by her death bed side.. and for someone who is a little weaker
in emotional darkness potential as Bi-Polar is about as big of a challenge in life as
being on the Autism Spectrum.. one has no choice
but to do whatever it takes
to stay above
as the rings of Dante’s
Hell start to creep in expanding
ice around one’s heaRt.. SpiRit and SoUL
wHeRe pain becomes the reign and one can
barely move their legs no matter if they leg press
1020 LBS or not.. as before when i was in that Hell..
even though i could still press 500 Lbs with my legs then
same as i could since age 21.. my legs felt so spiritually
weak thaT is an entirely different issue than the muscles
that press the weight that i could hardly move walking
then as my 94 year old Aunt Jettie
obviously had more spirit
to even talk..
sensory energy had fallen
to pain.. and numb and pain
and numb to eventually all the rings
i for one could imagine of Dante’s Hell..
so.. anyway.. if anyone wonders why i make every
step and every word holy and sacred full of meaning
and purpose it is the lifeline back to life liGht as the dARk side
attempts to gain control back of my liGht life.. thing is.. my Mother
gave us her all and she truly is the only reason i have the wonderful
light of Katrina in my life as she sure as hell didn’t marry me for my money
back at the Bowling Center close to minimum wage days as we would live
first in subsidized housing rental apartments just to get by.. and my Mother’s
home to save money to almost miraculously buy a home as Katrina became employed
through her Mother at the Local Newspaper here.. and this thing they call Fibromyalgia
that i am experiencing off and on again through this emotional pain is precisely that in
my opinion.. as i do my best to stay strong through the bitter sweet experience of having
my mother another day and another day as she struggles to breathe and the sadness that
i am attempting to stay strong with goes into pain and weakness as the depression of pain..
last night my savior was the Tai-Chi like movement i practice as a practice of life these 42
months now that is saving my spiritual life now along with peaceful flowing moving
music like no tool i ever had to ward off the demons of life before..
miNd and boDy BaLanCinG soUL that i ‘preach’ over and over
heAR.. is such an important thing to gain unity
within.. and an art of liGht as movement
free verse style floWinG
as sea gull
around the Sun
with the sound of muSiC
to FloW from Head to toe too..
is surely a savior of Love as my Mother
taught us that the only thing that counts in life is Love..
truly she never ever put any materialistic limitations or expectations
on me.. as the Father’s side said you should be making more money and
doing more than you are doing now.. thing is.. they were FucKinG yes iF yoU
seeK iN GoD.. totally incorrect as my Mother taught me Love was more important
so deep that she sacrificed everything about life for her children and went through
every dark journey with me with the resolve of never giving up on me.. and it’s true.. i must
be strong enough to support the love in me.. now.. as the Katrina helps to hold that up too..
but it comes down in the beginning and the ending just like the so-called Jesus
dude said.. from within.. inside.. outside.. above.. so below and all around..
the spirit is holy and the spirit lives in the flesh.. ignore the
flesh to the detriment of the soUL is the paRt
of the Christian religion that doesn’t
sing nearly enough in a MoVinG
DAncE of LiFe more over
SonG of words..
they really do..
we have a country of what
could be called ‘love fools’ and
a leader who leads the way away from
love and the saddest part of all is the majority
of his supporters call them selves Christians.. perhaps
if they could dance with God they would find a Love in heARt
to Love everyone and not support separating lovely loving families
of Hispanics.. over worry of sharing subsistence with what they see as
the lesser among they for the price of laws.. as Caesar’s coins.. poor refugees
and a way different than a coat hanger abortion for the most desperate of those who
do not have the mental stability or resources to raise children that is a reality.. like it or not..
no matter what any book says as the statistics prove in countries that have more abortions
when planned parenthood is not available when human suffering becomes less important
than who is right or wrong from a text of an ancient book.. we have a problem Houston.. no
different than what we had before too.. as a homosexual person couldn’t insure their
decades old Loving partner before the Obama Savior of the outcasts came
into the picture to make this country finally one for the
life.. liberty and the pursuit of happiness for
all citizens per the Declaration
of Independence for all..
and my Mother
when she was
young fought for
rights for women.. but after
she quit working she was very religious
in life and started listening to years of radio
programming that mixed fundamentalist religious
ideology with alt-right propaganda that still occurs now..
it changed her and brain washed her as often people do become
more conservative in their later years.. when Ronald Reagan eliminated
the fairness of news reporting laws providing equitable views on both sides..
he hurt my mother’s soul indirectly when he did that.. and all his minions continued
to do that and do that to the point where Fundamentalists Christians are so brain washed
now that they elected a virtual anti-christ who flaunts everything against Matthew Chapter
5 of the beatitudes verses 1 though 11 and did it all through his campaign promises with
the embrace of the evangelistic Christian community overall.. all the
way through with the top dog of Franklin Graham singing
his praises all the way to the end of ‘left behind’..
so i repeat
“I really mean to learn
‘Cause we’re living
in a world of fools
Breaking us down
When they all should let us be
We belong to you and me”
as surely.. Jesus would repeat
if the Good Cop version was on
eARTh today with a Mother who taught
him from birth the most important lesson that
in the end and he beginning Love is all that counts..
and i always forgave my mother for her new views of this
way away from love as we watched her will to become brain
washed by it over decades after Ronald Reagan took the truth
away and the new ‘Neo Nazi Reign’ gained a foothold in this country.. it
is no joke.. the Alex Jones and the Breibarts and the Limbaughs and
the other showmen of psychopathy now gain power with doubt and fear
and hate rule this country now.. infiltrating it with truly fake news
that i for one have monitored for decades now to see the
spread of it from sea to declining shores of love..
and it took some of the light out of
my mother’s eyes..
for those Catholics
out there who say they believe
in Love and all the rest as they hold
the ideal of pure ‘white’ Love in the Mother
of Mary Statue they worship no different than
Isis for this role model of love.. you are killing Mary..
you are taking the light away from her eyes in metaphor
and literal.. wake up to love please.. before it is too late.. make
your Ocean of Love so deep that you exclude no one from East to
West to North to South Hemispheres of Earth as one Globe of Love..
fact of the matter is.. if i could become Jesus i would will to make this happen..
other fact of the matter is.. no matter what ‘they’ would still follow their anti-christ
Trump as the human being is vulnerable to being brainwashed by the power of suggestion
dArk or liGht.. but not everyone but not everyone.. not the outcasts from love who had
all was lost
in poor of spirit..
just hope it doesn’t take another
world war to bring love back as this
one is the one with no point of return..
at least have some empathy and compassion
for the flowers as their colors are tainted by hate.
is ‘your’ Love..
the dance speaks louder than song.
The year is 2006.. and Katrina’s
Mother is in a Hospital room close
to where my Mother is now… the first
time i ever witness a human being pass away..
and very difficult i will add but of course.. much more difficult
for Katrina then.. and i was afraid that night she would go to
done in life
and not make it back
too but she did.. and i continue
to enter and exit with the tools of Move..
Connect and Create at hand.. and on that night..
a Methodist Preacher who used to be the Mayor of
our town.. named Byrd Mapoles as a flying Mayor too..
was at Katrina’s Mother’s side and his advice to us while
we were still fairly young is to find a church.. any church for
the moral support we would need very much later in life..
and i must say.. we got it today and more than
that from Church to Restaurant to
Stores and for witness
from me to
dance of me.. of the
healing power of MoVinG
Free verse with Music as the
entire Body becomes a vessel of
liGht With the SouNd oF DAncE
and SonG WiTh allone Aka God
in Unison wHOle as liFe
as Love as
A LiGht oF LoVe
that shines BriGhter
than the DArk that generates
that liGht too.. and last night.. i had
some Young African American Boys
with their Mothers trying their feet at
Spiraling Dance and one of the Boys..
Diagnosed With Asperger’s Syndrome that
i was able to give a little more hope to the Mother
as stuff settles out with age and experience more as even
the original case study scientist who named the syndrome as
such found that in longitudinal study.. not only did the children survive
as adults.. they actually thrived once they found a niche in life they excelled
in that they could even make a successful living at with even significant others too..
anyway.. i dipped back in the pain of dArk and came back again with Dance and Social
Support in so many places dipped again and the cycle of dARk comes and goes for
now as my Mother continues to hang in tHeRE as her Doctor said there is no
way she would be here now if not having a very strong heart and surely
it is the Love that makes the heart tick stronger.. and the lesSon
i will learn from this is to love even stronger as
my Mother already lives in me..
both in environmental
now too.. even to the voice
that carries me in song at church
higher to the spirit bird rising up to
Temple top liGht of Love as spiRit WinGS
SinG a DancE of Song that will not be clipped..
and yeah.. announcing the 27th anniversary of me
and Katrina at the end.. and the Monsignor Priest saying
after that.. aren’t you 30.. Katrina.. And going on to quickly
say that i was his Tennis Buddy back in the old days of school..
Priest not admitting he beat me.. three years my senior then.. but
me saying clearly out loud it was you who won.. and haha.. he played by the book..
way.. free verse
for me.. win or lose..
sTiLL noW of course2..
wRiTe oN Course aS WeLL..
And to be clear the photo is from
today at Ryan’s all one can eat feeding
trough in Milton where our favorite waitress
is joining in on the selfie fun.. as i manage a smile that comes from Love..:)
Back in the morning after dreams to process so many emotions and memory images
of a transit across a river to exist the pain that life can bring with Love as well
to power us across the deepest Ocean one with it through time that is always now as
nows go on in feeling and sensing more.. and what i noticed more than the stressed
looks on Walmart faces is the Mothers around me expresSinG Love for their children..
sadly can’t say i remember seeing many men doing it for their children in
fact there were some angry growls here and there from the
old south men when the children veered
from their lines of sidewalks
Mother is more likely
to let her sons dance than a Father..
and that is kinda sad as dance was the
original art of the warrior and lover same
for the roots of human that lived a life foremost
with the non-verbal dance as a way to communicate from
day to night.. with a verbal song of oral tradition to respect
the ancestors of before and all of Nature same as holy and sacred
full of meaning and purpose where you named a plant this and that to
know what was good to eat and poisonous to touch and all the dARk and
liGht that comes to Nature real with the realest pARt of all as the feelings
and senses that human beings do give and share to relate.. and yeah.. labeling stuff
is kinda gotten out of hand now.. literally where screens take the place in labels of
the human touch.. smell.. taste.. feel and sense so much more than what is stuck
in a box
to 60 inches
of a virtual world
of facts and figures and
art as well.. so where are the sand
castles to build these days to touch to smell
to taste the salt air of the olden days of imagination
and creativity unbridled in systemizing ways.. inside of course
within.. above.. so below and all around and sure i can attempt to
put that in words but sitting still is still a prison i must escape..
sorry.. Candy Crush does takes one’s mind off the worries of life but it also
removes one from the Ocean of the warm and fuzzy from the glow of human eyes
space or time..
it’s heavy stuff baby
but it feels and isreal..:)
Poetry and art in general focuses on the
emotional and sensory experience of life to give
and share and to relate in symbols that others can take..
Dance IS A uniVerSaL creative language that needs no guidelines
or signposts to create.. just let it go as ‘they’ say and co-create
the steps with God as we go.. or not.. and stay more stagnate as choice
us to stay
sidewalks if that is what
we like or told we must do
and never veer from sidewalks
prisons of the pass rule books that
become closed as human hearts.. spirits and souls..:)
So.. a MacroVerse to share from three years ago here..
surely short enough to quote.. ‘YA R A Star’.. no
together we shine
WHERE HATE BRINGS
to LOVE each other IS ALL
together we glow and grow stronger..
brighter and lighter..
LOVING BURNING BRIGHTER
“SpiRiT oF heaRT SoaRS”.. MacroVerse
from a year ago.. discussing the rigid
requirements of not veering from the sidewalk
of Islam with Friend Soheir from Egypt with a common
understanding that God Lives on a Desert Isle with no books
or words at all..
in a Book of rigid
guidelines and can live
no where else in rules to behold…
Thing is.. there is a Trump born somewhere
every moment who believes with all his or her
or eTc.. heARt SpiRit sOUL that they know the wHole
Truth and nothing but tHeir God Given TrUth and liGht..
fAct is.. they are one point of liGht and TrUth WiTh God and
God of all thAt iS Nature is all the points of LIGht and TrUTh
as the dARk of
that for those who
see what thaT makes for the spiRit
of HeARt and mINd and BoDy BaLanCinG
soUL to seek and find more TrUth and liGht
to beHold to give and share for those who wish to take
and add to TrUth and liGht as another verse for the UniVerse
beYOnd iNfinity noW as GoD wHOle.. but you see.. this is a continuing
expanding View of God heAR.. i will not chain God in words or books or
and even in church
yesterday as the subject
of the days was love surely
on topic with me for now
and forever as
too and the
and TrUth noW..
the Deacon speaking the homily
went so far that i for one have never
heard in Catholic Church.. to say that Luke’s
‘version’ was better than Matthew’s ‘version’ admitting
the book was not perfect.. perhaps unwittingly so but never
the less so.. that’s progress looking out of at least one box..
real progress is seeking and finding out of all the boxes as the books
and the words and the churches and the deacons priests and pastors and even pope
in some cases
or art of life for more
of a StiLL exPanDinG hUman UniVerse
wiTh God eYes now.. the liGht knows and
feels no closed doors of words or books or this
the liGht iS
allone allnow allreal..as LoVE..:)
Photo of Katrina from a year ago.. celebrating
the “Age of Adaline”.. only a movie of course
that was real in my case for a woman retaining
her youthful late twenties or so at age middle forties..
Katrina the vision of beauty and full feminine in form but
spirit.. sure.. enough masculine will and strength in hEr full soUL
BaLanCinG as such too.. otherwise she would have never made it through
our anniversary of 27
years tomorrow as beauty
lives on with love always and forevermorenow..
the greaTest gift of love my mother gifted to me..
to capture a Beauty and Love as great as Katrina’s alive
How deep is your Love..
my my.. how the song has changed
across the ages.. and surely a reflection
of society as the soft of love and grace of nurturing
way has become more wham bam thank you m’am in raw sex as such
as pop-culture surely shows now in full view of visual and music way..
a reflection of the changing times of culture as when soft love becomes
hard to find.. hard love becomes the find and seek as soft love escapes from view..
easy to find this all around in pop-culture now.. as it’s true when no warm and fuzzy
hugs of the social group are close to touch and feel all that’s left really is to ‘love
yourself’.. and get the comfort in hard and short bursts in finding Mr. or Ms. Goodbar aS Such..
hook-ups per say and do..
and in places like
in even the wild thing
with the opposite sex there..
thing is.. Karma applies to all of Nature
not just humans as apples to apples for there
are bananas and oranges and birds and bees too..
while it might seem like a hard and cruel world more
away from soft love now.. truth is we have made it very hard
for the other species of God’s Nature on the Planet earth to thrive
and survive now.. and as God’s Nature goes we all reap what we do or
lose it soft
love applies as
apples to appLes too..
and surely.. Trump is Microcosm
of the Macrocosm of this phenomenon
as Patriarchy rears its empathy-less
and compassionate-less snake head higher
for survival in places of scarcity but the thing is..
the real scarcity now is not starving death as those folks
who vote have enough to eat.. the real scarcity is the slow
singy kind that
gives and shares it
all for Love and Love allone..
with empathy and compassion strong..
for the joy and necessity of working
and Loving togeTheR all one in a furry group
hug that knows no fear of intimacy more than
stroke of hook-up love..
so.. what’s the end result.. less
reproduction.. in the end of the Japan
Youth phenomenon where self love is all that’s left
and people are pushing baby carriages with mechanical dogs inside..
And the truth is.. no matter how hard it may seem for humans.. in the end
result of sow and reap it is taking more from Mother Nature God same than giving
of less sow for
and sensing the gift
of Life as any social
animal does it fully naked
together in a balance of soft and
hard love together.. the hell we make
will be the hell we live but somewhere else
on the planet.. room is left for creatures of
rule of God
Dominate Nature and
God and God/Nature bites back..
as Love is the hiGhest power gifted
to human but don’t forget God has teeth too..
and Horatio’s too..
unplug or not.. and get
back with the God of Nature..
Godzilla will sing all of his/her/eTc.. song with teeth too..
and truth is.. it is the Trump’s with the Teeth of God as dARk Force
and liGht from
dARk that perhaps
will come to a more deserving
creature than human out of balance..
are we smART enough in ArT of BaLanCinG to survive…
who seek and
find it now.. as you
can’t find City Hall that has no Love..
as ‘this peace will last as long as
it can’ and WiLLs WiTh LoVe..:)
“So.. who am i heaR to Save”
“Don’t be too surprised iF iT
is not human who is the chosen
ones as hUman WiLL make that choice
wiTh WiLL/LoVe or NoT continUing NoW”..:)
Yes.. i sAid that as just another one
of God’s ‘representatives’ on eARTh..:)
And now ending on the note of A MacroVerse Memory from two years ago
with “Dance of the MagicK Flute” NoW as i continue an exploration of
TrUth and liGht in Wisdom and Beauty and i must say SpRing in January
through February of this year with all the beautiful flowers from Azaleas
to Jasmine to Roses Red as MaGiC Love iS STiLL SinGinG and DanCinG a way
to Beauty’s BeYoND RainBoW liGht as Love to me.. with even reports of Birds hatching
eggs that normally does not Happen ’till
the Easter of
yes.. obviously it’s
climate change that has
killed most of Winter in the
Florida LA Lower Alabama Florida
Panhandle heAR.. i can’t change ignorance
but what i can do is enjoy spRinG as a silver sliver
lining of the DArk.. the ignorant BrinG as death
to other species and places
lives a reality no different
really than the Asteroid that made
the Gulf of Mexico and killed off the
Dinosaurs to make the rise of our furry ignorant
out of Balance asses as the DARk Kali Force of Culture
that lives out of Balance iN HuMan eYes of GoD NoW..
you see.. theRe is dArk and briGhter
LiGht and The ‘Church’ ideology
that promotes the Kali DArk
of destroying lifE LiGht
out of BaLanCE
can be the Force to KiLL
us all in the end of now
and arise another intelligent
species after they scorch the eARTh
with their desires.. around 300M years or so
after their prayer of World War III.. or we can
continue to enjoy Heaven in the NoW of thIS KinGdom
of God as LiGht on this eARTh NoW.. thing is.. no matter
what for now i will Dance my Magic Flute 2017 and carry on
way ward suns toward liGht as sentient StaR duST pLus me and
all my FriEnds who LovE LiGht as a community of isreal illuminati
NoW.. with no leader
but the God
within.. go ahead
and worship the Kali
God of Destruction and imbalance
iF ya like as thAT is pArt of dARk of
GoD iN yOur eYes too.. the life yA sow
and reap will be the life yA live and live
with each otHeR too.. you see.. i don’t have to write
any of this down as the God oF aLL is StILL fully in charge
now.. i’m just like a court reporter with hELping hints.. take it with
and be that
grain of sand
as holy and sacred full
of meaning and purpose no greater
or less than any other grAin of sand
out of BaLancE or be the AValanche that goes away..
toGeThEr or Not..
allonELove Wins bESt is aLL i KnoW isREaL..:)
Oh yeah.. and this was the MacroVerse where one
of the ‘Wrong Planet’ inhabitants exclaimed that
i was Walt Whitman reincarnated.. and yeah.. i had to Google
him as all i really knew about him was/is we are all leaves of grass
whole as God all that is and our soul lives isREal as our flesh.. and
the folks at dVerse Poetry land online spoke to this free verse free nature
dude too.. way way way ahead of his time in human freedoms that thanks to civil
rights comes to fruition more now.. where i can publish whatever the F i like to
express myself as priest of the Cosmos too.. God living within refusing to shut up..
me free and
naked too.. as
any Bohemian Rhapsody
WiLL do as Free.. hmm.. got
a song to end hear i guess too..
as the Bohemian Rhapsody is just another
version of Mozart’s Magic Flute in modern age way..
pARTy on iN
the Kingdom of Heaven
or not.. seek and find it..
or not.. the gift of relative
free will IS A double edged sWord
of dArk and liGht chose your weapon
ArT LoVe with WiLL or doubt wiTh Hate Fear..:)
AnyWay.. this Bohemian Rhapsody sings reAms to me..
as obviouSly it as all about Freddy Mercury’s struggle to
be different from an Islam culture very adverse to different..
particularly.. so-called different sexual orientations with Freddy’s
obvious struggle to be free from the chains that bore him away from
his God Given Nature.. and sooner or later whatever it is that sets you
different from the norm which surELy in my case has always been Asperger’s
of boy you act strange or i really wish you could give me some of your high and
what the FucK are you on dude noW in ways of illicit drugs.. and sure.. the dArk side
that noT a soul but your immediate family.. if you are fortunate enough like me.. want
any part of ThAT you aT all..
as one can be swarmed
with love in a bed of cancer
but a bed of invisible illness of
depression is the cancer that is
invisible where the homeless person
who has schizophrenia or whatever with
a still somewhat sturdy body is told pull
your boot straps up on your bare Jesus feat
and get to work young man or F iN starve to death..
and this is the way of the so-called Modern Christian
and sure it is the way of Kali head hunters too.. just
in different religious guise in how they come.. Freddy won in the
end/beginning now sTiLL.. yes Freddie Mercury as his loVe LiGht SpiRit/heARt/SoUL
sTiLL SinGS/Dances FReED on YouTube to lift the liGht of the OutCast trUe and LiGht..
So.. you didn’t know Freddy was Jesus.. the man who lived for only art of love..
thought he was
queer as there have
been many queer Jesus’s
in many ways
and gone again
and come back for more now..
i am fortunate.. i have had one biological
mother and two step mother’s.. one who is still
living by the assistance of oxygen tank in Tallahassee
too.. i’ve had older friends some of who have said i was
a son to them as Mothers too.. for i am love and love spReads
when liGht and the best thing of all is when i endured the suicide
disease.. of Type Two Trigeminal Neuralgia from wake to sleep for 66 months
along with 19 total medical disorders often described in this long form poem..
i did not end my life of worse than crucifixion pain as illustrated in the book
my mother bought on that to prove me wrong.. best part of all is.. she didn’t see any
go before she..
i have no children.. only son who died..
but i have love.. the greatest LOVE
gift birthed in and as me by a
Mother who never gave up
the abyss of hell..
the cancer spoke for her
and she named me a demon
in heaven.. but that is okay
as she loved me when i really was a demon
for all practical intents and purposes when love dies for 66 months…
and the Doctor gives
her perhaps.. through the end of today….
or perhaps i have written
enough and i’ll dance from noW oN.. as flesh and blood
shines Brighter aliVe.. i’LL listen deep within for the answer to sing..
best when sPeaks within..:)
A Picture(s) tales a story of a bitter
sweet anniversary on the 21st of
February where now into the 7th day
without food or water.. my Mother is still
hanging on to her dear life to us to be with
Katrina and i on our 27th anniversary.. sure as usual
she proves the ‘experts’ wrong and lasts a day longer without
even any help from oxygen either.. just her sPiRit.. juSt her heArt..
just her soUL of Love that continues to never cease to ever give up on a
and never her
alone.. my mother has
lived off of less than 500 dollars
a month in a subsidized rental place
for elders who are still fully independent
for a 90 dollar rental fee a month.. an electric
bill.. a water bill and managed still to give almost half
her income to many different charities.. five dollars here
ten dollars there and to her poorer family members too..
while my father who left her for the goal of a wife who would
bring in bucks spent the last 12 years of his life spending about
half of his Five thousand dollar a month retirement income on Lottery
tickets in his life long goal to get really rich.. and yes.. interestingly enough..
my mother spent 20 years with the same income of Love forgoing any food stamps
or supplemental social security income to bring it up.. as she simply didn’t care about
water and no doubt
that is how she lived unwittingly
with the ravages of cancer.. including
bone cancer for close to two years.. with
only the need for a bayer aspirin as that was
the only pain killer she ever took.. and rarely over
one tablet.. as her medicine was Love.. i don’t think people
really understand the healing power of Love.. and my mother not
only talked to it.. she exercised it and still does in FeeLinG us into our
anniversary as love never dies when isreal.. i am the bread of life.. i am
not Jesus.. i am Love.. Jesus spoke to the healing power of love and sadly
so many people still consume him at communion and never find that love..
as the communion IS A communion of love beginning and ending of
creation of human.. a greaTest story ever lived when Love isREal..
iN MoVinG.. ConNecTinG.. CreAtinG ways.. thing is..
if you don’t believe it.. if you don’t seek
and find and continuously
practice this higher
is Love and
Faith one in being..
You never get Jesus as
Jesus and God in way of human
hiGher power is barefoot love without
any dollar bills at all sinking one down in
Trump Towers that feeL and sense no isreal
Value of Love.. If you really Love Jesus and God
the same as one being make him love in you and bring
him to life again.. as that Love will heal you and your loved
ones more than any dollar bills of life.. at least when it isREAL aliVE..
My mother doesn’t want any public eulogies of her in the local newspaper..
she doesn’t want any ceremony for her memory.. but you see it matters not as
most everything i write is for the power of Love and that is what my mother is.. Love..
so.. every day and every page and every floWinG River StreAm of words is dedicated
to that DiViNe NuRtuRinG Love of the MoTher that never ends.. Love Love as Faith as Love
gRows to an Ocean wiTh ever exPaNdinG shores that knows and feels and senses no borders/
Walls with other living beings and Nature whole.. and sure.. i go a step further in John 14:12
than my Mother too as the alt right radio stations had her convinced to keep that
Love in U.S Borders as sadly that is how hate can disguise itself when
anyone is left out from what you can and will call
Jesus and God Love as empowered
iN us when isreal when
verses 1 through
11 ways of Love are not
just locked inside a book.. when
that Love comes out to play with
all that exists in this beautiful adventure
that can be a loving life with all.. but again..
takes seeking finding and not only SinGinG
But DAnCinG a LiGht oF Love to give and share
with all.. platitudes perHaps but when all you need is
the bread and water of Love the communion is whOle
and all becomes Holy and Sacred FuLL of Meaning and Purpose
as Love to share as filLed beYOnd the BRiM aS Temple of God as flesh and blood now..
AnyWAy,, what comes what may still comes.. and we have been at the Hospital for about
16 hours and are going back soon.. and it is a very rainy grey day.. and this makes the
second memorial MacroVerse for a Mother who is Love.. and appropriate i WiLL also
say in synchronicity Numerology way.. as this IS A number 77 MacroVerse of a
“Netherland Bible 2017”.. totaling 1,153,816 words with the 76th
Macro Verse of “Mother’s Gift Now” added in and this
one to be named now at number 77 and also
MacroVerse number 748 of Ocean
whole poem still exceeding
3.3 Million words
all of what’s
noW as words fLoW oN..
and sure.. i wanna publish this while
my Mother is still alive as i have been fighting
the polar opposite of where i can go in life with a continuing
dance of life to keep the spirits up to fight for Love as Life.. and
this writing is what brought my heARt.. SpiRit and soUL back to take
away the fears of my Mother that i would never be whole again as soUL..
and the dance goeS oN and the dance goeS oN as Mother’s LiGht as Son..
as i dance
and sing to
reMaiN Love as
that came all naturally
to my MoThER from birth to living death..:)
And in ending heAR with new beginnings alWays just another tribute
to the wife and mothers everywhere as the symbol of the Goddess Isis
was used this way as the person who always puts the chaos of life back together
in Osiris way whole as Osiris streAMs the ‘River Styx’.. ‘TRUTH under LOVE’.. thE greATest
TrUth and liGht is love when isREaL fuLL and overfloWinG wHOle.. It’s really trUe and liGht..
as you love..
love does trump hate
and that really makes me feel
sorry for all the Trumps in life who
will never win a lottery ticket as great as Love..
really sad.. so.. reAlly sad.. IS A liFe filLed less than Love foR All NoW..:)
“Sun oF Love”
Footnote.. the beginning and ending song
heAr from the ‘Turn of a Friendly Card’ Album
by the Alan Parson’s Project
is.. yes.. sTiLL
mY Mother’s Favorite Song..
Truly with Love Time Flows like
a river with never any clock hands to hold us back from Free..
Please Dance and Sing Love.. it is all that will save this species from demise..
Love WinS noW..:)