What was once a Brave New World..
Future Shock.. CATCH 22! OH NO!
is now a
thanks to the drONEs
of the world who keep at
it.. like Steve Jobs.. Bill Gates
etc.. yes.. at times heartless folks
but among many others providing
the hive that the Caring Bees
and Queens of Love..
the warrior bees..
and dArk come online
to CHANGE THE WORLD
IN A WAY THAT HAS NEVER
BEEN DONE BEFORE AS iS
THE REALITY SHOW
of us that is
for all as even the
meekest among us
gain a voice where an
incredibly powerful now
smart phone device like
my iPhone 6s.. can even
open up all of what i do
online.. hehe.. which
got smarter.. haha!
and finally the Universe
of human in all of Google
is accessible for $25 bucks
(add in broadband access)
a month.. the price of
six star Bucks
go along with
that.. FREEDOM OF
EXPRESSION.. THE GIFT
THAT KEEPS GIVING AND
YES TAKING FOR FREE OR NOT..
but it is the way out of BONDAGE
for closed minded ways of thinking
for young folks trapped in minds
of school.. government.. and
yes church too.. where
of a know it all
BUT OH MY GOD THERE
IS AN INFINITE AMOUNT OF
NEW STUFF to access and
learn ON THE NEW
HIVE OF GLOBAL
humans no.. are not evolved
to connect to more than 150 to
200 sets of flesh and blood eyes
but online is new territory where
someone like me has connected
to literally thousands of folks
even when totally
as a shut-in
in my home
all day and night..
Hanes style.. smiles..
100% cotton is a must
for my tactile sensitivity
issues per jacked up
and other stuff..
apes stronger together
and with a little flesh and blood
distance.. the fear of offending someone
goes away not only to hurt someone else’s
feelings but the tough love of telling one’s truth
and airing it out.. and letting the conversation start…
and what one sees are the outliers of us being trashed
and defended too.. and human love when free seems to
me to more likely win the day.. as i observe the conversations
from a far and inside and outside was well.. when we get in
bed with everyone.. we find that we at core are different
but human too.. most of us anyway.. growing
pains of a human that has gone insane
strife yes.. smoke and other
fumes.. but Truth
A new democracy
of free online
AND THE BEES
iN HoneY BREW..:)
Hi gigoid.. long day
of dance shopping..
and glad you liked
the metaphors shirt
as i continue to
Ah.. yes.. the perfection of balance
that changes but is totally
satisfying with no
is still metaphor
but bliss comes as
a nirvana of euphoria
where in this state of
total fulfillment there is
nothing to seek higher..
although perfection in this
way changes too.. as the
next stage of Nirvana may
take one higher than last..
if one remembers it correctly
of course.. i could not imagine
a better life than the one i have
now.. mainly ’cause i am totally
satisfied with the
one i have for
i am not satisfied
for the fact that there
is so much pain.. suffering
and literal misery on earth..
and yes.. that is where the
comes in.. as
the only perfection
as a practice of being
can be found and
for a lifetime
and still an increaSinG
lesson as life goes on
be when relative
human free will
of being human..
in a perfection of
practice as journey
and truly never goal..
with paths that continue
into iNfiniTy and beyond
as the metaFORcE
moves on through US..:)
Shirt of the day says..
“I TRIED TO BE NORMAL
BUT I WAS TOO AWESOME”..
YES.. FULL FAILURE AT BEING
NORMAL.. TG..wink emoticon
And yes.. there is a story behind
this photo of the young skater man
who jumped up on the fountain to get
a selfie with the 55 year-old dancing man..
yes.. i showed he and his friends.. how to
skate backwards on concrete with Nike Shoes..
not something that everyone gets to see close to
‘Footloose’ town where i live.. outlawed in mall halls..
but yes.. if these guys can skate with boards forward
on Outside Mall Sidewalks.. i can do it in reverse in
my Nike sleds.. with soles of dance..
Thirteen Miles of dance today..
and Eight and a half yesterday makes
at least a Half-Marathon of Dance today..
and the miles pile on.. as i approach 5000
miles of dance in around 30 months.. as it
seems that Milestone will probably arrive in
February around the Super Bowl.. as my 3000
miles mark came last SuperBowl.. yes.. averaging
about 1000 miles of dance walking every 6 months..
at around 166.66 miles a month.. as sixes continue
to follow me everywhere i go.. wInks.. from birth on 6660..;)
Facebook Friend Rafiah.. from Pakistan.. says..
With someone as lively
and excited as you.
Yes.. true.. Friend Rafiah..
Some body language says Sitter and
other body language says Rover.. And in
words of science.. Around 20% of all animals
born are sitters and 80% are Rovers.. Sadly
human cultures demand sitting.. So.. truly
cultures are about 80% insane.. according
to the God of Mother Nature who manifests
mostly as Rover for survival.. Of course..
And the greatest cause of human suffering
in so-called developed countries is sitting
almost all the time.. That represses human Movement..
Connecting.. And Creating.. Thereby repressing human Emotions..
Senses.. As well as Sensuality.. Truly for most people this way
of life is insane.. But they do what they are told like
sheep for slow tortuous slaughter.. The torture is slow
and gradual so folks swallow the biggest falsehood
of all of human being to sit still…
When i was born i hated the prison of crib..
My mother said i did not sleep and made a blister on
my toe by crawling ’round and ’round in a small circle in the crib..
The Doctor said don’t worry he is hyperactive and will grow out of it..
And when i did not speak until age four the doctor said..
Don’t worry.. He doesn’t talk ’cause you give him
everything he needs before he needs to ask for it..
The doctor was only correct on one
of those prognoses..wink emoticon
And it took me over 40 years to
really come out of the cocoon
to fully express myself..
Now i am a Super
Rover and Talker…
Before work of sitting still
almost literally killed me.. i overheard
one of the older employees i supervised say
he will never amount to anything ’cause he is too
excitable.. He was correct as long as i was
imprisoned behind a crib of
desk in a four wall office..
Eventually.. After 5 years.. When i
recovered.. i proved him wrong by showing
to him that i was by far the strongest man of
any age at the military gym where he still worked..
Shortly after that he died from diabetes associated illnesses..
After he left the military he refused to exercise.. For 20 years..
and paid the early price for that.. at least in part my friend…
Super Rover.. is a greaTest gift from God.. to me at least.. My friend..:)
Rafiah provides a link from the website.. ‘Humans of Pakistan’
that describes the conversion of a woman to Islam
as it is presented to her as a religion
of Hope and Love instead of Fear..
Love is the True Angel side of all religions
that is real and full of Hope..
Fear is the False Devil side of all religions
that is real and full of Hate..
Humans choose the God of Fear or Hope..
Sadly on the TV one most often
hears about the God of Fear..
when it comes to the Jewish..
Christian.. or Muslim God.. illustrated
as Tribal and Angry at the rest of the Universe…
That God of Fear does not exist in the words
of my old tennis buddy from high school..
Monsignor Mike.. The Priest from the Catholic
Church.. i never miss a Sunday at.. It is the only
church in my area now where this God of Hope exists..
Everywhere else.. i dust my feet off and rarely return..
wInks.. i illustrated that God of Hope to Mike when i was
his friend in high school.. i did not attend church then..
But perhaps he did not forget my lesson that came all natural
to me from birth.. sMiLes of HOPE and LOVE
of Tennis Balls at the Court of HOPE..:)
And yes.. TheRe is a song for that named ‘Tennis Court’
by my friend named “Lorde”.. And although i’ve never
spoken to her.. It matters not as her God is
the God of Hope.. Obviously as well..
My friend Rafiah..smile emoticon
i neither fear
are all tribal
sports.. the clothing
worn is all that changes..
Meanwhile.. God is the
ThErE iS NO
AGAIN.. i make the
best of ALLTHATIS
of this exists
as me when
SMiLES.. my friend.. gigoid.. actuAlly my words
are inspired by your words here
per the non-sense of religion
away from Nature..
All humans are
born to the God
of Nature until
concepts of human
lies for subjugation.. control
through illusory fears and false
promises replace the God
of Nature as Idols..
yes.. words are
no less tools
and pArt of
Nature too AS
God of Nature too..
as extension of Us..
but of course they are
not ALLTHATIS AS GOD
BOTH KNOWN AND UNKNOWN..
and is it any surprise to know and feel
that God lives within.. i mean duh.. yeah..
Nature is pArt of us too.. but that is where
the main resource in lies of psychopathic
heARtless leaning folks starts from
the get go of the agricultural
age.. leisure means
sitting still and
past and the
future more than
the present forAge
for survival.. in moving
connecting.. and creating
to make the ends meat
meet in stomaches
together alive now
then.. and when
stored.. the lies
of separate from
the God of Nature
becomes easier to believe
as we grow farther from other
animals.. that breathe and bleed
no different than us and yes..
FEEL AS WELL..
FOR THE DRIVE
and oh goodness
after that.. written words..
collective intelligence and
more idols of words.. tools..
like clothes that become more
important than human skin.. and
then.. we become text on a screen
while flesh sits a slow rot.. and the
rest is yes.. recorded history
and God in us dies a
it even means
to move.. connect
and create as the God
of Nature manifest as us
will feel.. and sense the world
around us.. and not just in idols
hmm.. it doesn’t take
a rocket scientist or
a priest to see and
just a sentient
but of course..
the only way back
for some will be words
first.. one at a time.. as
the liGht and Life within
as a real
being born again
with eyes and
once more with
the Sand of GOD..
wheRe there are no
sands of time.. just
not surprising really
that human sees God
as human.. it’s the only
way we see.. the only
problem is when we
cannot see more
at least humble
enough to understand
that there is no such thing
as an only son of God.. or
a last prophet.. or the one
to come who will
do it all
skin.. the blanket
of Nature aka God
covers all seen.. heard..
felt and all the rest.. it’s
the common sense
we are born
this with no lies..
but of course then
comes human words
and lies recorded to
Face of God
that is Nature
But sure.. once again.. there is
the human tribal instinct that
naturally defends territory..
and reproductive controls..
so yes.. there will always
be human strife
of politics.. religion
and football.. as long
as there is US.. but
soccer is still
as well as now
as God iS as a Free
the Gospel of Thomas
expresses a Pantheist
God but also still
of family ideals
from before.. it too.. iS
PaRtly old and antiquated
my friend.. and those of
us who are not afraid of
Truth and LiGht can
in a heArtbeat
sAMe as US as GOD..
with yes.. sMiLes..
as what beauty
can be dreams
of God as manifest
a gift of Art and Love
or yes.. a Nightmare
as weapons of strife
Love and Art
and run with that
with the clear
that strife and
hate will always
be here.. as long
as we are only
flesh and blood
with Hope and
Love for chanGinG
what we can can to LiGht
we Just do and LOVE..
in Victory as ‘Nike’ shows..
barefeET too.. wITh stronger feat..:)
Oh and by the way..
my favorite from the
Gospel of Thomas
37) His disciples said to him, “When will you be visible to us,
and when shall we behold you?”
He said, “When you strip naked without being ashamed, and
take your garments and put them under your feet like little
children and tread upon them, then you will see the child of the
Living, and you will not be afraid.”
Man that is so profound
and easy for
to see and
feel.. as we
fly free in yellow fur and if
Yellow Boy doesn’t
feel and know
as Free as Nature
as all of
from words recorded
then and now as real
and fabricated as spun
that i for
one tread on
to simply be FREE
as the living ONE WITHIN
OUTSIDE.. BELOW.. SO
ABOVE.. ALL AROUND
NOW JUST NOW NOW
A L L T H A T I S N O W..:)
SMiLes to you.. as well my friend..
TheRe iS a SonG by Katy Perry that
becomes more of my story as life goes on..
‘ET’.. But most ironically.. i am from here..;)
Well.. it’s almost time for
dVerse Haibun Monday..
that is now expanded to
twice a month.. and today’s
prompt has a specific photo
of a beautiful pink Japanese
Flower that blooms in the
Snow of Winter..
my Pink Butterfly
Bush is more impressive
now for today as it blooms
A Summer Flower in the first
January of North Florida in
Memory that didn’t receive
a killing Frost until last
night.. so of course
i captured both
the wonder frost
for the first
will be the
last day in
life of the Butterfly
Bush.. in the next day
or so.. as below freezing
temperatures are forecast
again tonight.. and also
i captured the last
grass.. as some of
it is now accelerating
to the normal hue of
brown for this time
that can get as low
as single digits with
several inches of
rare snow every
once in a while
of a decade
fluke of flakes..
So sure.. i will illustrate this
now.. both in flowers.. and grass
as well as frost.. and not now
actually post the referenced
Flower as you get the idea
huh.. WiNks and while this
free flowing narrative iS
in prose.. and
as Free Verse
Poetry all Free
like God and me..
it will be more than
the referenced limit
of 200 words in that
prompt.. as God and
me are a river with
us or tie
us in books
as it were and
as it is sadly in
all corners of the
world still.. so here
is the Haiku part of
this Fredbun that is..
no not a professional
Haibun but never the
less it is what is free at
this point of God and Me..
God Flows letting
go.. Free me..
Okay.. this will be the
for now.. for
it depending on
where i cut and
paste the poetry
here to a published
whatever that it then
is comes to be for now..
Sorry if i sound a little now
like Yoda.. when i speak butt
sure there is a reason for that
as well.. it is what it is and so
we are.. so more side note here as it
comes and free flows go.. as thoughts now
today.. while feat of feet of me come one
with 45F temperatures outside wheRe Sun
and White Sands warm me from head to
toe as the all tan of me continues through
the now cold of Winter.. and truly a flower
that weathers challenge is always more
beautiful weather drought.. cold..
or other extremes of
Winter and Summer
and all seasons
same is true
of all the animals
including we humans too..
As Tennessee the inside outside
cat.. sixteen years old.. from down
the road.. basks in the Sun and still
roams the neighborhood.. Yellow
Boy a cultured and reformed feral
cat now house cat.. with still
wild streaks that call of
the wild.. demands
of OH GOD PLEASE..
AS SOON as Winter Clouds
go away.. and his yellow fur
becomes one in color with
but Moby the big
grey whale of cat is not
nearly as fortunate in his
lot of life.. when i first me Moby
he was peering at me through
a neighbor’s window in Winter
Time.. i thought to my self
oh what a pretty fluffy
loving grey cat.. would
love to have one
i am too
have one inside..
And i also see him
walking outside with
a Red Winter Sweater
owned.. animals with
clothes are cute.. huh..
but it was a harbinger
of what was to come
for his life later..
to him.. and all
he gives in return
is Loving Purrs for
survival.. but no one
told him or allowed him
to hear the Call of God
aka the CALL OF THE WILD..
SO NOW HIS DOMESTICATED
STATE OF JUST FOOD AND LOVE
HAS LED TO a diabetic cat.. early onset
osteo-arthritis.. and the same stuff one sees
with obese Walmart Shoppers in their
new feet of carts.. instead
ONE FORCE OF
GOD.. and to be clear
some of this can be genetic..
but nah.. anyone who lives
just three or four decades ago..
without all the inside entertainment
of today can tale ya.. it is the hell
of modern culture that says
sit on your butt
and keep the
of life that is the
hunting way of wild
cats too.. like we humans
when we too hear the Call
of God all wild and FREE
for basic survival
animal of free..
So.. Moby pays the
price of a human bred culture..
he can barely make it to the Litter
Box and no longer has the strength
to squat.. only 10 years old.. and
at 20 years old our inside outside
cat Arthur.. was still roaming
the streets and woods
for the hunt of life..
win i started my blogging
adventure.. my first blog post
was a lesson of three cats.. the
balanced noble outside inside one..
the totally domesticated
one.. and the feral
of human hell..
but fortunately for
him.. he still hears
the call of the Wild inside
and when A Sun of GOD now
comes he still demands his
place with that Sun Free Basking
in the Internal warmth that Sun
provides in the eternal existence
of now.. as he cares not for
the past or future..
he lives one with
A Sun of GOD..
and yes.. i do too..
’cause sure.. i could
have had Moby’s fate as well
for the ignorant among us and the
ignorant that has been me too.. not to
realize THIS IS REALITY.. WE ARE HUMAN
ANIMALS.. AND THE GOD OF MOTHER NATURE
TRUTH AND LIGHT APPLIES TO ALL OF US EQUALLY
whether we wanna follow the lies of Culture.. or
Politics of Religion that will tale you.. you must be
less than human
God as sAMe
As a child of
TRUTH AND LIGHT..
ALL THE ANSWERS ARE ON THE
BEACH.. IN THE DESERT.. UNDER
A TREE.. OR IN A CAVE.. BUT THE
REALITY TOO.. IS.. IF ONE IS GOING
TO ESCAPE THE CAVE ONE MUST
CALL OF THE
WILD WHERE GOD
CALLS US FREE TO BE
sadly.. both Moby
and now.. other human
animals lose sight
of that reality
glimpse in childhood
before Culture and
the politics of
Nah… fat cats
aren’t just corporate
leaders.. they are
to the moving
creating way of GOD..
perhaps it is hard for some
to hear or see.. but the TRUTH
IS GOD IS
Now.. off to dVerse to see
what poeTry.. snowy flowers
inspire iN others.. NOW..:)
Oh.. the worry of Nature
knows no animal eyes
except for human
best to escape
and adapt of
A time for
FLower of Life
you skate on ice
you feel the cold
all alone steer
queer Flow ALLONE..:)
cold or hot…
SMiLes.. sadly too many folks
these nows.. THiNK that
heArt iS iN head..
when iT stiLL
creates now.. more..
than sitting sTiLLaLiVe..:)
SMiLEs.. so glad
you didn’t wait
on the rules as
this is one of
Glenn.. and who
is who to suggest
who can comment..
that part was funny..
Anyway.. fame is a killer
of human freedoms.. always
has been.. always will.. i will
never be famous.. i took care
of that from the get go.. with
my all male renaissance age nude
art.. the homophobes will always
be too terrified of that to let me
in a place
i never wanna
go.. but never the
less just a year into
my dance.. named as
legend by the audience..
and not the critics.. just
pArt of me..
that i carry naked
all places i go.. no
one.. NO ONE OWNS
either the poeTry of me
or the dance of me.. or any
pArt of me
to achieve that
as employer is now
just another name
for slave owner as
has been the case
from the first foray
It’s times like
not to be paRt
of any ART that
is not TOTALLY
Art my friend
and i appreciate
alWays the rebel
and yeah.. the
pInk snowy flower
is a cool prompt too..
if you decide to do that too..
i’ll be back.. as
Well that is
Glenn’s Poem that
on the lInk
pAge at least
long enough for
me to get tHere..
back to Sand and
Sun and tan of me..
aLive.. as there
later for more
as alWays of course..;)
Several detours here and there
and now back at 11:55 pm
up to the
Birds rest on
home of storm..
Birds fly in
storm of home..
Birds pray on
WinGs of fliGht..
SMiLes.. while some philosophies
suggest that human ego
is not pArt of Zen
Art.. i beg to
Zen can be
us as well..
free will spells all
i.. as I of
as.. director of I..:)
June.. pInk oF
Bird of Life
SMiLes.. squirrels of
grey gathering life
come snow or
Love.. a flower that
a Love that
Red.. a color
SMiLes.. reminds me of A
non-fictional story of
after my Grandmother’s
funeral on a grey and
beyond a pebble..
mom still cares..:)
True.. Major Tom
goes.. but Major
Tom continues to
come again and again..
just to let you
your link did not
directly link here.. but
hopefully most folks will
look further and still find
it here.. with no problem
at all.. like me.. smiles..
And back to your
poem.. smiles.. reminds
me of my Grandmother’s
crab apple tree on the
river i am raised at…
SMiLes.. a little sour pudding
floWer.. goes aLonG
Well.. okay.. again..
all dVerse has to
offer today.. in
19 official Haibun
way.. all caught
up.. now.. i thINk
i’ll soon publish
this.. and continue
the rest of the weekly
Fredbun’s in a comment(s)
section(s) of the next blog
as this baby
a miGht heavy
in weiGht of words..;)
Victoria’s comment in response
to my ‘triNiTy of Love’ post..
on Google Plus..
One of my favorite things about blogging
is that we are able to create friendships that
transcend religious and cultural differences.
Maybe our world leaders need to blog!
SMiLes.. my friend Victoria.. additionAlly..
if World Leaders could greater connect language
to heArt.. and actuAlly feel the hurt of others..
the world could be a more Loving place
to floWer Hope and Love.. instead of
Fear and Hate.. perhaps they
should dance togetHer too..
i’m not asking for naked yet..
but perhaps that will come too..
as sometimes one must ask the
higher sailing price.. to navigate
oceans horizons.. my friend..:)
Side trip to Shawna’s new
and alWays temporary place..
Yes.. Gemini.. hear..
but is iT
And i have to say
that this SonG
come what may..
is the SonG of my
life i wanted to SinG
in beauty of voice at
age whatever it was when
i watched this movie.. and
now i return.. and find i did it
and dam.. i even SinG better but
the voice is not mine.. alone.. ALL
ONE and it only comes with choirs
at church.. not
unlike the choirs
i heard as a child coming from
somewhere before confessionals..
as then.. but anyway.. the lesson
i learned is the only one i could
ever Love.. come what may..
and who will eventuAlly
return that Love as
of never ending
story my friend..
the giving never
takes any effort as mE..
with GOD now.. sMiLEs
of Love.. that jUSt gives..
no illusion.. iT iS ALL REAL NOW..
and yes the gAMe continues soon..;)
What’s up with
ya.. going to
the gym.. the
gAMe will be on
tHere.. and i will
keep a hEar out
Okay.. flash back to hmm.. 1981..
i am sitting across an Italian dimly candle-lit
restaurant.. yes.. it’s the prom.. and i’ll just
call her M.. here.. as you never know who is
listening on Facebook.. smiles..
She is somewhere around 16..
half Italian.. and she asks 20 year-old me..
soon to be 21.. to the Prom.. little did i know or feel.. then..
it was to make another dude jealous.. but that was okay.. as really
after being depressed.. over another girl breaking up with me.. my
first Love S.. half-cuban.. and all.. me at age 19.. i was just
happy to get out of that funk.. no matter what..
And i met another friend.. named R.. half Guamanian..
somewhere around that time frame.. also around age 16
who became one of my only real friends during that time
frame too.. as i remember her also at the base pool..
in the Summer of 1980… yes.. the base pool..
a great place to meet girls.. then.. at least..
Yeah.. it’s easy to get isolated in a bigger
University.. especially if your social skills
ain’t all that great.. like mine were not..
as a really geeky nerdy dude.. not unlike
that Sheldon dude off of the Big Bang TV show..
and yeah.. i had big gold wire frame glasses like
Napoleon Dynamite too.. just in a little better shape
from lots of running.. including 10K races.. and desperate
weight lifting since 12 to be bigger than a string bean.. in
way of arms.. and bird legs too…
Anyway.. all these 16 year old girls..
hmm.. remembering that song.. “She’s Just 16 Years Old”..
now.. the song my friend Benny kidded me about.. when i was
‘seeing’ them.. but really yes.. even though i was four years
older or so.. they were years ahead of me in both emotional and
‘sensual’ intelligences.. oh the life of a Nerd.. and or Geek can
be so traumatic at ages before.. hmm.. 40 or so.. or at least 28..
when i met the real Love of my life.. yes.. THE K.. at age 18..
OKAY.. BACK to the dimly candle-lit restaurant.. as you might
imagine i was looking at M intently.. FOCUSED.. as.. yes i
really like dark hair dark brown eye girls.. VERY VERY
MUCH.. and she says to me.. with a tear in her eye..
oh God your eyes are scaring me.. i had no
idea really what she and others were talking
about when they said i had piercing eyes.. until
i got a selfie camera.. and saw the focused look for myself..
OK.. end and beginning
of the story for now again..
AND THEN.. after i figure out she was using me.. no big deal really..
and later come to find out she thought i was kinda weird for not making
‘those moves on her’.. later at the beach after the prom.. i was doing
Summer University School.. and yeah.. that reminds me of another girl..
age 18.. can’t remember her name.. OH GOD.. she worked at Burger King..
yes.. her name starts with N.. like Name.. anyway..
i remember her telling me about loving the song
“I’m Alive” by ELO.. and oh GOD she was really ‘stacked’
as ‘they’ said then.. and one night when we talked
to early morning on a Summer humid Night with
the birds chirping early she went on to say..
she almost committed suicide one time..
that i could not ever imagine doing then..
And boy did she have kaleidoscope eyes..
like “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”.. and when
i was driving back.. i heard that song by Olivia Newton John..
named “Magic”.. also in the Summer of the 16 year-old girls in 1980..
and man that song really sounded like magic.. ’cause there was just
a tinge of Love in the air again..
But nah.. not like the first 16 year-old one..
i didn’t understand then.. that it really never feels
like the first time.. as far as emotions.. go.. as that
sex thingy.. was a real let down.. not the best part by far..
okay.. and there is a bunch of girls i just mentioned..
and i ain’t saying which letters i did anything with..
to protect the anonymous.. hehe..
Anyway.. back to 1981.. it’s getting
near the regular school year again.. and
man i’m really getting depressed ’cause i
just can’t seem to really connect emotionally
to any girls at the University.. but yeah.. i’ve got
some friends named Linda and Donna.. that interestingly
like me for my personality.. i couldn’t figure out why..
it sure wasn’t my wire frame thick glasses and that’s for sure..
i guess.. but still really just casual acquaintances kinda like
my dancing friends now.. just friends.. just friends.. is all..
and that is why i have no problem naming them.. at all…
But yeah.. i start getting depressed again.. and it doesn’t
help that i am a Psychology major and it’s all about depressing stuff..
so one September morning in school.. as it starts.. something sparks
in my brain.. i feel really social.. and i feel drawn drawn to
the beach.. it’s like there’s some kinda spirit inside of
me calling me there.. but no
i’ve never actually heard voices..
Ugh.. that would be really scary..
but still.. come to the beach is the feeling i got..
so i went.. and then.. i just started walking and walking..
and telling myself over and over there is nothing i really want in life..
i just wanna live and feel.. and be alive.. kinda like
what N was talking about the year before..
And then.. i imagined what it must have been like
for Moses.. Jesus.. and St Francis of Assisi..
finding their internal meanings inside for how
they feel about God.. in Nature.. at the Desert..
etc.. and i had already determined that God
was all natural and part of everything
as everything by that point.. thanks to
a great philosophy teacher named Mr. Hunt..
So.. i walked and walked until the dark of night..
and could not sleep for 3 full days.. little did i know..
i was experiencing my first real manic episode of my life..
they happened before at times like sparks.. but never for
days on end like this.. anyway to make a long story shorter
eventually my mother tested me to see if i had gone bonkers..
but my main issue was really Asperger’s Syndrome.. of which
there was no diagnosis then..
So the Doctors just threw their arms up.. and gave
up on me.. as i still made plenty of logical sense..
it’s just that i could put my finger in the flame of a
lighter right in front of me.. and i felt zero pain.. so yeah..
they said this dude is euphoric.. and we need to bring him down..
yeah.. they did for a little while with some drugs..
But i threw them away.. got balanced again with exercise..
and had a run of almost two decades without any real depression..
and often delightfully happy.. until i hit the office life and
dead-like soulless University environment again.. of solving problems..
instead of connecting to humans.. like i did at the
Military Bowling Center for almost
two decades of humanity…
Anyway.. i’m reAlly happy now..
and balanced.. but my brain works way
too fast for most folks.. and even i
have trouble keeping up with it at
times with verbal speech.. but hey..
i can type really really fast.. and sometimes
almost catch up to it.. and that really feels great..
Oh yeah.. and finally during that really manic three
month period during 1981.. M’s father who was from the
Catholic Church.. where i returned during my vision
quest/religious experience then.. didn’t like me and
told me i needed to get my S together.. and no.. not
the S who was my first girlfriend.. half cuban.. as such..
But M’s Mother told me.. ‘you know something don’t you’..
as she could sense i had gotten much closer in being ONE with GOD..
HOWEVER.. i HAD NO WAY TO PUT THAT IN WORDS THEN.. BUT YES.. i do now..
and that is wheRe the story continues.. far far.. far until who knows
or feels when.. with wInks of course.. of words and words more.. of
what’s between my two ears.. and the rest of me too..;)
Anyway.. the activity of writing about the memories
of one’s past where deep emotions of dArk and liGht
are experienced along with memories of songs.. still
easily accessible with great YouTube resources..
and even movies from the past associated with strong feelings..
is the Art of what is key in helping to bRinG my experiences of
emotions of the past.. then.. to live those emotions again..
iN the present.. where once again.. positive emotions inspire me..
no longer controlled by the fight or flight stress neuro-hormones of
fear and anxiety to move ahead.. that eventually wear a person down..
and can seriously lead to premature death.. or just living like a Zombie..
as it were for me.. for sure.. during that 66 months of the Deadzone then..
And yes.. therapists are even using songs of old for folks with Dementia..
as truly emotions strongly related to songs of the past are what glues
memories together.. and while most humans no longer sing and dance..
as moving.. connecting.. creating creatures..
The mirror neuron activity.. of listening and watching
what others do.. has a beneficial impact in expanding our
empathic natures as Social and even Altruistic animals..
namely H for Human.. when firing on all 8 cylinders
as it were.. and can be again.. or perhaps 12..
if one becomes a Ferrari human being..
super tuned.. as well as being
human now can bE..:)