School days.. the first day.. always exciting and
nerve wracking.. all senses.. emotions..
intellect focused for what
and grades 1 through 5.. not bad except
for that second year.. at Private Catholic School..
so advanced from my small town school.. in a two
story building.. walking distance from a river home..
and then across town.. small class rooms.. same teacher
all day long.. same kids all day long .. same friends to get to know..
and oh.. always at the top of the class.. only challenge NOT
to make anything less
ALL STUFF SCHOOL..
hmm.. 11 years old comes
a beast yet
Halls of School Brightly Lit..
homeroom by 8 AM..
but many rooms
different classes and different teachers
but still school as EASY AND FUN..
competing against friend Jill
who is the only
so i smile brightly just waiting
for the games to begin.. but wait..
a new word comes i have not heard before..
an F word and not Fred by some bully boys
who tell me what the hell are you doing F word..
wipe that smile off your face mister we do not
allow boys to smile here.. don’t even think
about it.. but wait.. i’m not thinking
about it.. I’m just feeling it
but anyway.. don’t
F word means.. just that those
boys got some kinda problem
for sure.. anyway class starts
and Amanda taps me on the shoulder
and says you know you have a FUNNY
SHAPED HEAD.. I’VE NEVER SEEN
ONE LIKE THAT..
thinking a head’s
a head.. for thinking..
and dam i can’t see the back
of my head to know
but i’m too busy paying attention
to Ms. Bonner to become the
teacher’s pet as i can charm
any teacher into
am the best
student ever if I just
look into her eyes and
never ever break contact..
to others in
MELD where student
becomes one with TEACHER
THE WILD WILD WEST..
oh and then it’s time for P.E.
and i get to sport my new school
sports shorts.. and Tammy says..
HaHA! Fred has bird legs..
and i look at my
legs and think
BACK from PE into math class
and there is all around sports fanatic
Murry who will one day become
Mr. High School.. Mr. Football..
Coach of the Football Team
and Athletic Director
he turns around and says
peabody.. peabody.. peabody..
peabody.. ever so often..
and i’m thinking
Lynn on the other
side chimes in with
skank.. skanky.. skank..
and i’m thinking sounds
like skunk.. skunk..
and i think i smell fine..
but she sure doesn’t look
like she likes me much..
this is getting challenging
and i’m starting to feel
me to get all this less than
‘A’ Feedback from what at
this point seems like
the whole dam
ah.. finally an escape..
the school bus comes..
i can finally relax but
back of the bus..
to her friends and says look
look look aren’t his eye lashes
pretty they look just like a girls’
eyelashes.. and oh yeah back in
home room earlier some boy says
Hi Mr. Wanda McKenzie
you look just
and yes.. Wanda smiles
a lot and has semi-short
blonde hair and spectacles
and her daddy owns a
car dealership but
if Vicky thinks i’ve
got long eyelashes that
must mean that boy
thinks I’m a girl
this bus.. my Dachshund
Charlie never judges me..
he will let me hug him
and roll around
at my feet
as always and never ever
call me the F word.. Skunk..
Peabody.. Long Eye Lash Girl..
Wanda.. Bird Legs..
and just let
free with smiles..
and that works out okay the
rest of the year.. but Charlie
finds a way to get outside
the gate and one
outside of family
is laying on the side
of the road..
and i am
even get near to
and the whole family
cries.. and i never get another
dog and decide if i become my best
friend no one will ever hurt
But oh no..!
Ah.. yes.. the church continues to
serve the function of the village
supplying school needs for
life that parents often
can no longer do
ways of heArt
expressING as SpiRit
as human balanced
mind and body soUl
are among the
for all schools
to be met ALL Now..:)
Ah.. yes.. i can relate.. difficulty speaking
coherently straight with no mumbling
or stuttering to effectively
A’s are not enough when
one fails the speaking
parts in roles
writing no easier
to come up with
Oh when school becomes work instead of play
the mechanical cognition can tick
down to robot
of human being..
but society will just
not work without school..
and we must tick off
the bad parts.. and
continue on renew
as this land is our
a Like for aLL.. NOw..:)
Truly sad the state does not allow
school.. to teach lessons of
humanity.. where ‘they’
are no longer teaching
those lessons at
home.. and nah..
not just a lower
AS those AT
Ah.. that look of the very first day
of entering school..
land forged by insanity..;)
Ah.. me.. not smart enough to feel what school is doing
to me.. why Summer feels so much better
than school.. year.. of what
really counts in emotional..
and in general
to move connect
and create life once again..:)
Ah.. yes.. a scholar.. a fighter..
but most importantly
at age 5..:)
Ah.. yes.. a school of ADHD Hell.. where sitting still extends out all around
the year now.. in some places.. where Physical Education is
no longer even necessary in some high schools..
and if one is lucky emotions
are an art of human
that if that at all..:)
Ah.. sitters and rovers of school.. alike in most all of
animal kingdom.. in general as well..
where school can and will
and for others
a challenge just to
one level or
Oh.. new rules school.. crystalized intelligence.. rote memory
of multiple choice facts.. figures.. but tHere is
fluid intelligence moving.. connecting.. creating
ART of human being IN ALL of Love
that comes in Light
and Truth of
I as actor
of i and
i have to say graduating close to
the top of a class of almost
four hundred in
that i learn
of the three
R’s of ‘Rithmetic
and Reading and
like this with
little to no
in creative thought
in output.. and even
after three degrees in
college the same dismal
report of school failing
me my basic humanity
of education as
to pass me at
THAT pArt of
but the ART of
to creating human
being Well NOW
with more than
for more or
less to begin
for those cogs
in the machine
of walls of
excess of comforts
in materialism way
possible as Zombies
grow larger in numbers..:)
Ah the beauty of the
inner monster.. the class clown..
the trickster.. the joker.. the sacred fool..
the inner being that does say free in so many words
of actions.. steps in human being that says wake
Truth and Light..:)
Ah.. heArt a lit one.. warmer
yes.. in humid rivers flow..
no snow in North Florida
row.. but prison goes
up the hill a little
further in brick
no longer wave
oh.. ocean blue
eyes i miss you
at 47.. but i flow
back to me at 55..
no signs of speed
limits for me..
in i’s of I! now..:)
creating flowing waves
ocean never ending..
so below.. a spark..
a light.. libido
Ah.. mothers pride of children
like cubs of mother Lioness
step high step low
a mix makes
and bees fly..:)
OH no.. and then
on wheels of
life again.. a
Live we go
Lynn.. of course write on course
it’s you again.. at the end
of this dVerse trail..
more and less..
and i never fail
to come again..
hehe.. and yes..
to get along
wheRe different rules..:)
A sponge can hold much water..
but a sponge
ever truly creating more
sink.. and yeah..
there’s even a
sinks of US..:)
This time Sister..LYNN it is
hard to miss ya..
as we almost
20 for you..
but i still
you to beat
me next time
as that is fair
Ah yes.. the bell tolls for ending school..
and even larger Universities
where friendly eyes
and oh NO WORK..
where all’s a dollar
so much easier
when doing it
as much as i hate
school.. i miss the
friends more than
only one on that..
as Facebook friends
most often grow
with High Schools
past.. but nah..
i much too
is the world instead..:)
There is no schooling quite like the
schooling that is nature
life.. adding in the
ingredient of Unconditional
Love.. and school becomes
the child that still
feeds upon breast
of Love’s Milk..
home schooling is
the way of hundreds
of thousands of years..
Ah.. greaTest thirst for anything in my life has been
the thirst for feeling.. granted exquisite ones
from birth but losing them
to knowledge ways
OH the LESSONS
OF LIFE LEARNING
well for me then..
THAT less than
70 standard IQ
are beyond measure
of intelligence for
of many of
my less than
And of course
success in human
of being Well IN
Child tiMe NOw reaLity
alArm clocks thEn
job of childhood speaks
trembling into adulthood
for me.. i always wonder
when will i learn how to well
learn speak.. after all.. my mother
and father do it so fluently.. so well..
ah.. but they never input like i do.. oh
to output is more than input before.. smiles..
and yes.. now i never ever.. no.. ever never shut UP..;)
i needed this prompt..
Ah.. yes.. my friend.. X.. as note above on the starting photo.. where My teacher Mrs. B for Bonner states on the earlier part of the school year.. the ‘Old Fred’.. and per the song by Jessie J.. above.. i go out and buy some weights.. and start health habits that last me the rest of my life.. and eventually in high school..
Gracie.. another one of my not so
well wishers from middle school..
comes up to me and tells me Fred..
you’ve really improved..
we are proud of you..
welcome to the human race..
in those words more or less..
And although my wish to have
a real girlfriend from Kindergarten
never materializes until
after high school..
i do not stop being nice with smiles..
and develop many close friendships..
and even one of the high school bullies who
announces me at the beginning of the Beta Club meeting.. who is then President of this club for nerds.. Welcome Ladies and Gentleman and Fred..and he later confides that you know what.. i can’t understand it..
you are everyone’s favorite person.. and yes.. he is talking about another Lynn.. who is my new best friend… who he has a crush on.. and she gives me her time as friend.. eating lunch with me everyday..
and trivia note.. we both tie at 11 out of
381 at the end of the high-school days..
And I always wish then that Lynn will be my girlfriend.. but First Baptist Girls only date First Baptist Boys.. and by then.. i am not part of any church at all.. except for the one out in nature.. but she calls me her best friend Fred and that is enough for me then.. as i don’t even know what sex is until sixteen years old.. and i don’t miss much.. as i Learn to Love girls for their personalities instead of T and A’s.. and the missing continent i know nothing at all about until after high school.. as Penthouse.. only gives an exterior view of that new horizon of feeling stuff in life…
Anyway.. during the period of my pain disorder.. i lose a lot of my long term memory.. with the emotions that leave me then.. and truly this entire blog has been therapy for me to regain my memories and humanity…
as i don’t think many people can possibly understand what it’s like to not even be able to remember if you ever smiled or belly laughed before.. as when emotions go.. there is no reference at all to any emotions as feelings are the reference point.. and not empty shells of words alone…
I spend today at an ophthalmologist office..
with those drops that dilate your eyes..
and a lot of time.. thinking about the
old days.. after i see this prompt..
and those feelings of sadness come back but more than
anything the joy of even being able to feel sadness.. as that is what makes us appreciate
Love as much as i do now.. for sure.. and truly without emotions it is
hard to feel GOD too.. so i AM BLESSED BEYOND BELIEF..
and i always hope my words or dance of life..
will help someone know and feel it is
okay to be different..
enjoy life as silly..
and be strong and courageous too…
I have lots of inspiration.. and I see my ‘old friend’ Murry again.. as he nears retirement as Athletic Director at the High School.. I have the joy of him meeting my still young looking wife in 25 years of marriage and reporting to him that yeah.. i become a Federal Military Installation Athletic Director and retire 5 or so years ago.. then.. when i see him.. and i tell him i just Write and Dance now.. for fun.. while my wife shops.. looking down at him from around 4 inches above.. 50 LBS or so plus in muscle.. and a bright white smile.. that defies his somewhat ‘older teeth’.. belly extending a little more.. and snow white hairs with the miles of life driven hard to get the biggest house on the block…
I have the biggest heArt..
That’s all that counts..
for Infinity NOW
in my smAll view
Yes.. Sherry.. ONE
thing LIFE Teaches
me WELL IS to Live IT
REAL and FULL..
and never ever
be afraid to
as Truth and
Light and Dark..
and yeah.. modern science
even shows that humans are in
real empathy trouble as empirical
measures of college age adults
in ways of empathy are
decreasing at around
30 percent in the
The Zombie Apocalypse
is a meme for reality
and Truly the Internet
is a thriving place for Zombies
clear to see.. particularly on YouTube
as people have contests to see how
much of a Zombie in cruelness
to other humans they
can be.. the
FLESH AND BLOOD..
BUT SADLY MANY FOLKS
WHO ARE BULLIED BECOME
THE BIGGEST BULLIES TOO..
IS MUCH MORE FUN..
WITH BIG SMILES
Hi Gabriella.. I sure hope schools take it more serious
but at least where i live.. i know the children do not..
overall.. and with the Internet there are more ways
to bully young folks than ever before..
and the only way to stop that i think..
is if the children are taught to Tolerate..
and Accept differences among their peers..
and Love better and stand together
against bullies when no adults are looking..
i do see that now on the Internet more often..
particularly on the gay issue that has always been the last pariah..
of the lesser seen by others.. overall.. in the United States culture..
it is always inspiring to me.. when I see folks stand up for others..
and acknowledge and honor their full humanity
no matter how different from the
Vanilla norm.. they may be..
Ah.. thanks so much hailee’s comma
for stopping by and providing those kind words of
appreciation for what i do here today.. and yes.. intense
non-stop focus staring directly into another person’s eyes when
speaking with them.. is considered inappropriate and potentially..
intimidating by standard norm of human cultural rules..
and technically also a clinical symptom in some
forms of Asperger’s/Autism along with
extreme empathy for some and little for others..
however for me.. i Love people and am simply absorbing
all of their soul as part of me through the windows of
what they are deepest inside.. and i guess since i
wear shades now.. it is not nearly as disarming.. as before..
some folks say please don’t look so deep.. i feel like you are
undressing my soul.. and sure i am.. and hoping for something
both light and fascinating.. but yes.. i can see the darkness
of souls too.. as there is much more than meets the eye alone..
in eye to eye contact.. for within.. is the history of infinity
of each unique soul.. just waiting for me to see..
given the opportunity of course..
and i will love it if more folks show
their eyes on the Internet as truly i want
to see that greatest expression of soul
that comes through windows of us..
when within looks outside..
with us watching..
absorb it all..
as all watchers can
and will do.. smiles..:)
Yes.. hailee’s comma..
Oh my Jessie…
i am singing and
dancing off the same sheet
of music from her too..
as she just wants
the world to dance..
as nicely illustrated below..
and it ain’t about the ba bling ba bling..
smiles.. coconut man.. moon head.. and P..;)
Hi Kanzensakura.. after this experience i am fortunate and sprout up to almost my entire height in middle school.. albeit still at around 120 LBS.. but still.. for some reason no one has ever attempted to actually physically abuse me in life.. and now that i can fight back with ease.. anyway.. i am still happy not to have to.. the best offense can be a greatest defense.. and with a martial arts exhibition here and there.. in public.. words and actions get around.. smiles.. and when anyone bumps into me in the bar.. they quickly say my bad man.. excuse me..
i believe in being able to defend oneself and not having to ever have to use those skills to actually hurt someone.. IF possible.. as those skills become more proficient with practice.. and yeah.. 930LBS of kicking power 1 inch from any target i choose in exhibition illustrates that nicely.. in 360 degrees of movement.. smiles..
But most importantly.. the actual practice of it provides mind and body balance in emotional regulation and sensory integration.. better cognitive executive functioning in focus and short term working memory.. all clinical symptoms of Autism.. and essentially the real life working cure for me.. that allows me comfort in my own skin..
And to make a stranger of a friend.. from the roughest looking bar dudes.. to the fairest of them ‘all’ in dance.. smiles again.. i wanna connect with everyone.. and fearless pays that due.. in real flesh and blood life too..
And yeah.. overall.. school is insane in many ways.. as it teaches us to be cogs in an efficient working machine for the materialism excesses of culture.. and rarely to even be human again..
And this is my favorite song for that reality..
as i too become the logical one.. the clinical one..
then.. as culture decides.. i will then.. but nah.. i follow the
True Wild and Free ONE NOW.. THE GOD OF
no limitations or expectations as FREE..
knowing and most importantly FEELING SaMe..:)
Thanks Lynn.. and truly looking back on it..
some of it is silly now.. with adult eyes..
but of course so confusing then.. and yes.. i always want to see my friend Lynn again.. and of course Charlie too in heaven as that may be the case.. somewHere now then.. now.. and last class reunion.. i am a shut-in with illnesses and cannot go.. but certainly i will go to the next one.. which will be the 40th class reunion in 2018.. God willing.. of course.. smiles.. and thanks my friend Lynn.. two or three.. or however many friendly Lynns.. i meet in life..:)
Yeah.. Mary.. truly.. compared to losing Charlie.. i didn’t care what those kids did to me.. as long as my dog was okay.. but truly the memory of Charlie is what also helped me to get back from real human hell of no emotions for those 66 months of that beyond any human hell i can imagine before.. so yeah.. Charlie’s death as dark as it was then.. is still a light of my life.. and sacrifice for
that life of Charlie that continues in my eyes..
i don’t hold humans as any higher as Love as any other being..
they are ALL worthwhile as Nature IN 100% Love and Respect..
and my cats continue to teach me that lesson well..
Yellow Boy has Feline Leukemia but
Love makes an immune system
as strong as it can be.. and as much as Yellow Boy
is Loved that will be the medicine for him that no medicine from
Vet can bring.. other than that same Love from Vets who are
most often that Loving too.. with all animals as well..:)
Ah.. yes.. Marina Sofia.. in the Poet world and Artist World..
and even any World where there are achievers that break out of boxes there are often these stories of dark and bullying in childhood of those who use this darkness to inspire greater Artistic Light.. but then sadly there are the others.. the bullied who go on to extend the vicious cycle and become bullies more..
BUT ART WINS OUT
IN LOVE.. OF
Yeah.. bullying Sucks Claudia but as the following music video nicely illustrates in ‘Radioactive’ way there is a rising tide of opposition.. namely ART and LOVE that in TSunAmi Form IS washing away the residue of Darker ways of human beings.. some folks call it THE New Age..
THE Illuminati.. THE Real ONE about Truth and Light
and not the fake one that folks twist Just like Jesus’
teaching to repress human nature and oppress
others in domination through illusory fears
of subjugation and oppression..
Anyway.. pioneers from Jesus to most unlikely candidates
like Aleister Crowley are predicting this phenomenon for Centuries and Years..
and surely when an African American becomes President of the United States.. and a Woman is about to enter those doors too.. those are sealing signs of a new age of Art IN Love’s Freedom.. in ALL the COLORS that comes in..
and perhaps when a Gay President comes that will be the Seventh Seal of the Kingdom Jesus is speaking of when Love your neighbor as yourself with complete tolerance and acceptance of human differences becomes more than a rule and just a talking point to muse..
BUT the Dance of
Life that comes in
real flesh and
But yeah.. then there is Donald Trump who truly stands as a symbol for what most of the folks of my Local First Baptist towering church IS.. when folks enter my River Town.. SEE standing HIGH and LOW at core.. a clique.. a group of human beings.. where they SAY THEY ARE GOD’s chosen.. few..
and the others can wait behind a wall of division.. of true Anti-Christ Mission.. exemplified Ironically so.. in almost ludicrous clarity.. for anyone who can see through all the selfish serving lies of individual or group.. with real Truth and Light of Jesus eYes of Human Nature and the God of Nature as well..
BUT yes.. Tribal Instinct is pArt of GOD and Human Nature too.. and even this Anti-Christ Nature too.. and the solutions are any solutions that help to make the World ONE Tribe where all humans are tolerated.. accepted into
THAT UNIVERSAL TRIBE..
and of course the
first step of that is a
Dance of MOVING..
CONNECTING.. AND CREATING..
SAME STUFF THAT TRIBES OF OLD USE
TO ESTABLISH SHARING CONNECTIONS
AMONG STRANGERS OF SEPARATE TRIBES..
AND THE BACK BONE OF
THAT NOW… IS
AND LINES OF COMMUNICATION
THAT CONTINUE TO MOVE AND SPREAD
AROUND THE WORLD.. WHERE PEOPLE
FIND THAT YES.. WE ARE ALL ALIKE AT
CORE.. SHARING.. LOVING.. HUMAN
BEINGS WHEN SET FREE
WORKS FOR OUR ANCESTORS
AND CAN WORK NOW.. IF THAT
And SPORTS of ALL
KIND are certainly
part of that Tribal
Dance of one that
binds all together..
it seems as ALL
as WE continue
to evolve OURONE
FEAT OF LOVE..:)
Ah.. yes Bjorn.. so often the medicine for bullying is the Love of Togetherness and all ways of Moving Imagination and in Connections of Creation Activity that come to rescue us from Bullies of Life.. from Cats and Dogs to books and brushes of painting human life Renewing Love as Creativity..:)
Ah yes.. so true Sumana Roy that human bullying is a crime and ‘they’ are most always in a Gang and Cowards in numbers.. and the saddest part perhaps of my bullying in the middle ages of school.. is that the one thing in common that almost
ALL of the bullies have in numbers (:Ha! ‘they’ have no idea then.. they are dealing with a budding Anthropologist/Psychologist/Sociologist/Health IN ART Scientist.. eventuAlly degreeING in UNIversITy of West Florida as such;)
IS the supporting ideology and human Arms
of the giant First Baptist Church in my local area..
And i without my ‘Robert Conrad’.. ‘Wild Wild West’ looking ‘James West’.. Law Enforcement officer (46 years in total terms of that) patriarchal influencing Father.. i am raised by Love dripping with the estrogen of an almost total female matriarchal influence from birth.. just seeing my father twice a year.. trying to quickly imitate that gender role.. BUT that doesn’t work.. obviously.. as i become soft as estrogen and matriarchy will Love..
And I have no clue what this First Baptist Patriarchy thingy is that I must imitate to become one of the MALE crowd then.. and i become a very androgynous looking human at that time that is soft smiling and moving contradicting all the rules of the First Baptist patriarchy fueled by homophobia.. and hate of anything that moves outside the First Baptist BOX of exclusion..
Sadly church is the core sin of bullying in my town.. then.. and sadly still.. just a few years ago.. the most prominent Local Radio so-called Christian Evangelist in my town is still promoting the ideology that ‘homosexual behavior’ is demon possessed with
his so-called Christian Manager of the Radio Station suggesting
that so-called Welfare MOTHERS SHOULD BE STERILIZED
BY LAW AFTER THE FIRST CHILD IF THEY
EXPECT TO STAY ON SO-CALLED WELFARE..
I am spitting nails listening to THAT but far too weak then with illness to confront face to face.. but still as weak as i am behind a computer with barely a voice to speak.. I confront the Preacher and Radio Station Manager online.. and both truly never do that again.. on Radio Air.. as far as I know now..
WORDS are powerful sWORDS..
much more powerful than my feet that now press half a ton
twenty five times.. and can hypothetically kick most ‘evil butt’..
one on one.. but nah.. I WiLL use Art of Words instead
of feat of physical harm.. and on top of that
I enjoy my freedom..
and do not want
to go to jail.. smiles..:)
Hi Glenn.. i still am amazed that i get away free from any beatings
on me.. or any significant fear of that.. but oh the
story different for friends as close as wife..
as my pretty little wife poor with no church
‘rich’ friends behind her in school..
is terrified every
day in school
kill her dead..
for the same
but nah.. she still thinks
it is just ’cause she was poor..
but that is no competition for
the boys.. as mean girls
continue to beat
If only ‘they’
until death do
Haha! Victoria obviously i ramble more.. as i am never
one to fit in holes.. except
i am a forked
and there is
plan that works
for me.. except
me.. and truly
avenues for US
who fit in no
Truth and LigHT..:)
be done of
Dancing with all the
Cool College age folks
From Old Seville Quarter..
Back at 3AM with
But meanwhile eight
arms of thou