my middle name
i ARTHUR, reject Philosophies based
on Biological Reductionism.
(Almost sounds Catholic)
DeviliveD deTails of tREes.
GoD EvilivE GOD in FORESt
AnD i for one am
more likE MIN
Yes.. i am gre@er than
tHe sum of my neurons alone.
i for one am aLLONe LIKE PETER
EVen algorithms cannot detErmIne if i am huMan or not.
The GoOgle AlgoriThm ofTen marks me as
IT’S ALL GOOD TO ME.
IF i CAN GO
i am perfecting
IT’s not even code.
Truly, the power of human creativity and emotion is fascinating AND POWERFUL, as when I was in middle school, I had a spark of creativity that came from somewhere I had never been before, in my mind. There was a Christmas story contest in 8th grade, and in the midst of feeling like an outcast where other kids told me in no uncertain terms I did not deserve to exist, as I was very strange looking and acting. Deep emotions started flowing through my heart and I wrote a Christmas Story that won first place among 80 students in two homeroom classes.
After that I wrote a short play, in the same grade level, and played the song Jesus Christ Superstar, so overwhelmed with emotion in the talent show I was in that year too that I left the piano not able to walk straight, with the audience erupting in laughter, over my clumsiness.
It was’t funny at all to me then, after only hearing criticism that I did not deserve to exist for so long. I was the quintessential, 99LB wimp looking kid, at 5 foot 10, and 120 LBS, with long hair, and mistaken for a girl at McDonalds, by the cashier there.
IN fact, here is a picture of me, at age 13 in front of a ‘trial’ of my peers, stumbling through speech, stuttering while the other kids hold back snickering.
I didn’t give up on life, and kept fighting and fighting to be strong enough to be accepted, and to look and act normal enough to be accepted. I lost my creativity, and did not get it back until a philosophy class in college, writing a few philosophical creative papers about what I understood then to be GOD that were lauded by the teacher, as unique and insightful.
I played the piano from the time I was twelve and improvised a little on guidelines of sheet music in front of me but never truly created my own music until age 47, in 2007, that I recorded on a cheap dictation device, and later copied that to YouTube, in 2013, as carpal tunnel syndrome ended my piano ‘career’.
Overall, I had a dry period of no creativity, for 40 years, from the time I was 13 to age 53, truly taken away by the repression and oppression of a patriarchal, fundamentalist, religious leaning, local ‘red state’ culture, along with subjugating illusory fears over what it means to be a man.
Truly this one act of recording what I had done in 2007, in creating piano music, was the first spark of creativity that has led to an avalanche of creativity for me, now, for two years, in dance walking a martial arts/ballet style of dance for 3200 miles, in 18 months, documented at 3000 miles here:
with a sample of that here:
And I have danced a free style rave type of dance now for 50 weeks coming up on Thursday night, at one of the top 100 dance clubs, in the U.S., documented at this link, with a video of me dancing in the body of the linked post, illustrating some of the folks I danced with this last year, me at age 54 now, and most all of them in their early twenties.
And after being a shut-in for 5 long years, from 2008 to 2013, early retiring on disability, as a Federal Civil Service Athletic Director from a military installation, in a quarter of a century career there, I suffered 19 medical disorders, including what is described as the suicide disease, type two Trigeminal Neuralgia that is like someone drilling one’s teeth without novocaine, except the pain was in my right eye and ear, during all waking hours that five years, making effective use of my eyes and ears, impossible without excruciating pain.
And truly, me ever becoming Athletic Director of anything, is the last thing the kids in school would have predicted of the last kid picked on sport teams; however, I was promoted to the job for my computer skills, as I still had no skills in team sports that I became responsible for at the Military Installation. And even graduating 11th out of my high school class of 381, tied with my friend Lynn, later graduating from college with three degrees in Health Science, Social Sciences Interdisciplinary, and Anthropology,
Still I did not have either the written or oral skills to do anything but work at a
Military Bowling Center for my first two decades of Government Civil Service. It was nice though, like working at “Cheers”, where everyone knows you are strange and knows your
name and still loves you
I was also diagnosed with Dysautonomia, where my nervous system would not synch my heart rate with blood pressure, causing me to almost pass out when even raising my arms after eating a meal or walking around the neighborhood block one time.
And the two other major disorders were Fibromyalgia and Sjogren’s Syndrome, where my eyes stopped making tears, adding to eye pain, like swimming in salt water with eyes wide open.
Back to that piano song, something about listening to the recording on YouTube, started bringing back the creative spark, and I started writing free verse poetry, making an inner journey in a myth of fantasy of total recovery, and the dream came true.
So true the dream is now that now I can leg press 930LBS, 14 times, as evidenced here, just 18 months after recovery.
Before I did this, a ‘little voice’ (my voice) in my head told me I was going to do amazing things, and document them to prove to others what human potential can be.
I don’t know what words to describe that forecast, other than a higher power of what ‘they’ call GOD inside of me.
I have literally written millions of words of free verse poetry, in the last two years, and have become a male nude renaissance self artist in the last 13 months, AND it is far out of the social norm for a 54 year old dude to do that as a straight guy but I have literally been compared from the discerning female eye of doing a better job at it, than Michelangelo’s ‘David’ come to life in flesh and blood.
This higher power of GOD thingy is more amazing in what the potential of the human mind can do in a ‘Quantum’ effect and AFFECT THAT BLOWS ANYTHING SCIENCE KNOWS AWAY, if one considers the synergy of what I have been able to do in two years, with the power of relative human free will.
The man Jesus, historically speaking, stated that with a strong enough internal power of faith, hope, and belief, human beings can do anything, and those were also the similar words of the historical man Muhammad, as well as many other folks through human history.
Apparently, these folks and many other folks have tapped into this higher power of GOD, by sitting under a tree, spending time in a cave, taking a 40 day walk in the desert, or in my case suffering through the worst pain known to humankind for 5 long years of literal human hell.
The inner journey and potential of the human being, in art and creativity of human being is where the real power in this world exists.
If I can do this, at age 54, imagine what someone with this higher power can do at age 30 or 25.
It is a ‘Quantum’ effect and affect of human mind, open, and more fully expressed in mind and body balance.
If I haven’t proven that I’ve definitely proven that a REAL LIFE ‘FOREST GUMP’, EXISTS..:)
AND IT IS SO DAM COOL TO BE like FOREST GUMP, AS I DO NOT CARE ABOUT MONEY, and if I was a materialistic person, I probably could have never been free enough in mind and body balance to do any of this, as all my incentive came from within, with a ‘little’ help from
And eerily enough, I look like the statue in the front row of the FUNERAL CEREMONY, on that Beatles Album cover, AS truly during those 5 long years, I was dead as a stone statue, alive..:)
Life is so much stranger than
And science truly ain’t got a clue when it comes to the
BIG PICTURE of MOTHER NATURE TRUE AKA GOD, FULLY EXPRESSED IN HUMAN NATURE AS THE higher power of the ‘QUANTUM’ MIND UNLEASHED AND RELEASED, in balanced mind and body.
Anyway, the main thing is, no matter what happened, I refused to ‘let the sun go down on me’..:)
And that was hard, as when I first got the pain disorder, and the Dysautonomia, from March through April of 2008, I could not sleep but one hour of each night for 35 days, with the assistance of a powerful alpha blocker, with only shallow sleep for that one hour each night, and the for the last 5 of 40 days, I could not sleep at all making a last gasp effort to find my way to a bridge to jump off without the strength to get out of the car.
My sister found me at the bottom of the bridge, and drove me home, where I finally went to the hospital, and a heavy injection of Ativan, finally put me to sleep, and the Ativan was my only relief to sleep for the next five years, and I have been drug free from it since July of 2013.
I hope if anyone is listening in the audience who has lost hope in life, this story may give them hope to go another now, as Lord knows during that period of 5 years, I was hoping for someone, anyone, to tell me they survived something worse BUT TRULY, I never found anyone who has experienced the full darkness of my life or the LIGHT NOW, FOR THAT MATTER, DOCUMENTED LIKE THIS.
I CARRY a story for what I understand as the higher power of GOD, to help other people, and if anything before I do die, I just want to be remembered as a humble servant for GOD, as the Inner FORCE of the GOD of NATURE LITERALLY BROUGHT ME BACK TO LIFE, AGAIN OF COURSE, with a ‘little’ help from my friends..:)
I know this is long, and some of it has been repeated on this site but I would not be worthy of recovery, if I did not share it as much as I do.
There is nothing better than 100% trust in what reality is, whether one names it GOD or Mother Nature or whatever label is assigned to what is.
And that is the place i live in now, WITH 100% trust in ALL THAT IS..:)
AND TRULY, even from an empirical view, after all of this, HOW COULD I NOT FEEL THAT ‘GOD IS GOOD’ AND DREAMS AND REAL HUMAN MIRACLES DO COME TRUE..:)
I can only hope and pray the same FOR ALL OTHERS, TOO..:)
Father on the Right.
Paternal X-Catholic Priest Grandfather on the left,
a child with his
brothers and sisters,
natives of Ireland.
And RAVE dance photos still coming from Seville Quarter, Pensacola, FL,
dancing with all the cool college age folks,
Thursday Night on my 50th week
of celebrating dance