Making LIGHT of the DArk

IMG_5913 IMG_5914 IMG_5915 IMG_5916 IMG_5917 IMG_5918 IMG_5919 IMG_5920 IMG_5921 IMG_5922 IMG_5923 IMG_5924 IMG_5925 IMG_5926 IMG_5927 IMG_5928 IMG_5929 IMG_5930 IMG_5931 IMG_5935 IMG_5936 IMG_5937 IMG_5938 IMG_5939 IMG_5940 IMG_5941 IMG_5942 IMG_5943 IMG_5944 IMG_5945 IMG_5946 IMG_5951 IMG_5952 IMG_5953 IMG_5954 IMG_5955 IMG_5956 IMG_5957 IMG_5958 IMG_5959 IMG_5960 IMG_5962 IMG_5967 IMG_5968 IMG_5970 IMG_5971 IMG_5972 IMG_5974 IMG_5975 IMG_5976 IMG_5977 IMG_5978 IMG_5979 IMG_5980 IMG_5982 IMG_5983 IMG_5984 IMG_5985 IMG_5986 IMG_5987 IMG_5988 IMG_5989 IMG_5990 IMG_5991 IMG_5992 IMG_5993 IMG_5994 IMG_5995 IMG_5996 IMG_5997 IMG_5998 IMG_5999 IMG_6001 IMG_6002 IMG_6003 IMG_6009 IMG_6010 IMG_6011 IMG_6012 IMG_6013 IMG_6014 IMG_6015 IMG_6016 IMG_6017 IMG_6018 IMG_6020 IMG_6021 IMG_6022 IMG_6023 IMG_6024 IMG_6025 IMG_6026 IMG_6027 IMG_6028 IMG_6029 IMG_6030 IMG_6031 IMG_6032 IMG_6033 IMG_6034 IMG_6036 IMG_6037 IMG_6038 IMG_6039 IMG_6040 IMG_6041 IMG_6042 IMG_6043 IMG_6044 IMG_6045 IMG_6046 IMG_6047 IMG_6048 IMG_6049 IMG_6050 IMG_6051 IMG_6052 IMG_6053 IMG_6054 IMG_6055 IMG_6056 IMG_6057 IMG_6058 IMG_6059 IMG_6060 IMG_6061 IMG_6062 IMG_6063 IMG_6064 IMG_6065 IMG_6066 IMG_6067 IMG_6068 IMG_6069 IMG_6070 IMG_6071 IMG_6072 IMG_6073 IMG_6074 IMG_6075 IMG_6076 IMG_6077 IMG_6078 IMG_6079 IMG_6080 IMG_6081


the darkest day of year..

In Winter Solstice day


come and



i celebrate

the eve of this


Christmas Wolf




Christmas CAT out of the bag..

to explore two counties on wheels



Bringing Good Cat Cheer to WHO all i meet..

in Dance Walking a half marathon


mixed martial arts




while reading a



Barnes and

































honor SUN today..



comes back to
















About katiemiafrederick

I like to write.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Making LIGHT of the DArk



    The great thing about America today is that yes, there is deflation in many common needs and goods other than insurance and food that are relatively dirt cheap as compared to years ago.

    And yes, even though the price of vehicles has gone up they last potentially decades longer than they use to, per increases in technology per quality of product.

    Live a modest life and a person can become reasonably rich in what really counts in life.

    Live beyond one’s means and that is what happens.

    I lived on minimum wage straight out of college comfortably as material items meant nothing to me.

    I live rich now at age 54, cause material items still mean nothing to me.

    I have a modest home that is almost paid for, a 2014 Honda Civic that costs the same now as it did in the year 2000, relatively speaking, which is much more efficient and advanced, technically and comfortably speaking, and yeah, food is expensive, but I have enough money to buy all of that I want, within reason, but I do burn about 4,000 calories a day at maintaining the relative health of a pro-athlete in the greatest gift of all, human health and well being..:)


    We have so much in this country but some people see so little of what is even here and almost free, particularly the potential for FERRARI STYLE HUMAN HEALTH and well-being in BALANCE, PER MASTERY OF ONE’S OWN MIND AND BODY through relative free will, per the GREATEST POTENTIAL WEALTH OF HUMAN Being Animals in Balance.

    That is the real human being status QUO OF HEALTH and WEALTH that most people cannot even see as reality in life, in this country today.

    The real advanced societies like the indigenous American Indians lived it as way of life, until the ‘smart’ Europeans came over and ERADICATED THEM OR THEIR ‘SO-CALLED’ uncivilized ways and got them sick in the body and mind in IMBALANCE OF ‘REALLY SMART’ westernized ways of illusion in living life.

    And with ALL that said, here is, some theme music, to go along with all these words..;)

    EVER SEE a blood.. hmm.. blonde haired, blue eyed American Indian, well in true effect and AFFECT there is one in that Avatar by both way of life and BLOOD per maternal Sioux and Cherokee roots..;)

    JUST CALL ME chief Aghogday, with a double wink..;)..;)..and smile..:).

    I FOR ONE AM FRIGGING WILD AND FREE, now that I INSTINCTUALLY, INNATELY LEARN, AND PRACTICE how to UNDOMESTICATE MYSELF AND TRULY fly free with eagles, BIG CATS, and wolves that are my ancestors in metaphor, AND BLOOD too..:)

    AND HELL YES, I have the flesh and blood evidence from head to toe to validate that statement with irrefutable evidence that yes, it is possible to un-domesticate a very domesticated human back to the ‘WILD ONES’ ‘WE’ USED TO BE AND truly live LIFE FREE.

    AND PEOPLE think I do nude male renaissance art on restricted Internet blog way, IN THE FLESH AND BLOOD, just for fun; hell no, it IS NOT JUST amazing natural HUMAN ART OF heART, IT IS frigging science too, ON A CASE STUDY BASIS.

    Flesh and Blood does not lie, and neither do hips and eyes, when seen for truth.

    OH, AND by the way here is a song for that too..;)

    Ya can call me a Cosmic DJ, if ya like too..;)

    I DON’T kNOw much about Y’all BUT I for ONE AM KILLING IT WITH EVERY NOW IN FUN..;)

    *(laughie smilie)*

    KATiE MiA FredericK!iI

    Gravatar is one of the coolest things ever!! !

    • Well.. actually in a way it is on topic as that is an inverse photo of Paul Revere on his ‘high horse’ of Liberty.. blending in with the face of Mother Nature true…against the status quo… of culture as is…. ON that Styx Grand Illusion Album Cover…

      Styx is a much deeper rock and roll band than the meets the eye.. that I am sure you are well aware of.. too…

      Ha!ha.. and so am i..:) and it seems you too….;)

      Happy Holidays to you Sweetleaf in A ROCK and ROLLER deeper WAY!..:)

      KATiE MiA FredericK!iI

      Gravatar is one of the coolest things ever!! !


    Jungian and Other Wolf Archetypes of Human Subconscious Mind:

    “1. The nurturing and protective wolf appearing as the great she-wolf who nursed Romulus and Remus (Anima).
    2. The lone male wolf initiated by society forces the young adult in becoming a mature adult (Anima).
    3. The guard conducting souls through the gates which had to be passed as in Egyptian mythology (Shadow).
    4. The wolf in sheep’s clothing who attempts to hide its instinctive and wild self by developing a persona of meekness and innocence (Persona).
    5. The howling wolf who has a voice to communicate with others and is reclaimed inner voice of the soul (Ego)
    6. The wolf and lamb lying together which represents inner peace (Self).
    7. The differentiated wolf who has accepted his (or her) role in life (Ego after individuation).”

    Human Archetypes of American Indian leaders of tribe:

  3. A Farewell to 2014 with dVerse DOT com:

    Truly now can last forever.. if we can just live in now.. now…

    That’s what my cat does so i follow his direction..too..:)

    Ugh.. i had to Wiki to find the original story

    as my mind drifted off to the peace of Bob Marley..

    Don’t worry be happy and smoke a big joint

    is probably what his Christmas Story would be about..

    And although i do not do the doobie thing.. except for the Doobie brothers..

    not worrying is truly a gift.. in changing what we can and accepting that yes..

    real literal human hell exists.. and we are so fortunate to be spared from it..

    and blessed.. if as such.. is true..:)

    And i’m sure it must be dark in Sweden as even in North Florida

    with clouds of the last three days.. the shortest day of dark..

    does spin tales of gloom.. particularly as we

    watch my wife’s sister’s last few days with cancer….

    Life is such a gift.. in all the light and dark it is….

    Ha..! “i put out the garbage bin.. cover your ears..”

    and i think that is what my wife thinks about my musings at times..

    i suppose next i too… will warn her.. to cover her ears….

    Ah.. the tree of life is born both of trees past and trees present..

    and all maple leaves present and lost are part of that tree of togetherness as ONE..


    A hopeful song of love are your words today..

    for the darkest day that does come tomorrow..

    as light can live on in heArt…:)

    Words are a child of the drive to survive

    through enhanced communication..

    for greater social cooperation…

    And somewhere along the line..

    some folks forgot the flesh and blood goal…

    And somewhere along the line.. some folks remember…

    And the line of communication is only as good as the heArt behind it..
    that does MOTIVATE THE HUMAN Social Cooperation words are truly intended for…

    So yes.. words are either seeds for human social cooperation are just

    empty shells of nothing.. much.. worthwhile.. in my opinion…..

    Ah.. i can count the number of days in Florida like that at 3 for 54 years..

    in 72..77.. and 93.. and the Winter Snows do captivate magic for me..

    that no photos or HD movies can deLIGHT my senses like White Angeled happy tears…:)

    We in the U.S.A. are so privileged and perhaps spoiled for

    no one really living a war on the ground of square miles of blood…

    911 was the only true time of FEELING PATRIOTISM IN THE air in the U.S.

    and short-lived as the resources are so abundant here..

    that even patriotism can be used.. to gain a lie…..

    Wars are a sad story but also one that can bring folks together as one…..

    Ah… i love all mythology as it takes one to the subjective world

    of human archetypes and allows one to explore more than skin deep..:)

    Ahh.. to find GOD and the Devil all in one place in the mushROOMS of life..

    is to find peace of mind.. and perhaps a high of life..;)

    A lovely poem of Archangel Lore.. and it reminds me of my favorite part of Catholic Mass

    when i get to sing with choirs of archangel light.. in lovely lore..:)

    Not all pencils have erasers is a great line.. and even science now shows

    that children who are not nurtured with touchy feely love in the first two years..

    never lose that pencil of separation from love…

    And yes.. it often ends in suicide as well…

    sad the human condition can be.. when love is not watered to life…

    One thing that i loved about working with the military in my ‘red neck’ town

    is the discrimination against blacks a few miles North in a solid white so-called Christian town..

    where black shipmates are warned not to go at night.. does not exist behind the gates of my military station….

    What a breath of fresh air that WAS.. as i still heAR hateful comments AT the in-laws get together

    a few miles north the other way.. on a pastor’s farm as such..

    And he bought all the kids T-shirts that say.. It’s not about me.. it’s about Jesus…

    If only they painted Jesus… with love in ‘ME’.. AS ANY COLOR EXCEPT FOR HATE….:)

    AND TO be clear the pastor seems OK with black folks.. but it’s just his congregation of

    family that is still lost in the DISTANT PAST from TRUE practice of unconditional love…..

    i’m so glad i do not live in a big city.. as chaos does grow..

    when humans pile up like lemmings in a can….:)

    Ah.. the tree of life is born both of trees past and trees present..

    and all maple leaves present and lost are part of

    that tree of togetherness as ONE..


    A cautious tale is one of hollow

    and cement to harden hollows of life..

    and a frozen one is one and same..

    As a HE
    and Art
    does not make

    Ah.. dust dancing is not the beauty of awe..

    it is the dance of dust

    that does inspire awe..:)

    The steps of ROCKS that make life what is..

    are varied.. sharp.. and soft edged smooth of lock..

    To let go and stumble down paths of edged rocks fury…

    is to land on grains of sand so fine and blurry…

    and then one can see that the differences in step ARE only illusion..

    as one step is NOW in ONE rock of life….

    Ah.. to know the heart of cold hearted souls is to know the

    reptilian brain that cares not for love but only survival..

    And then no longer is the care that there are other humans…

    AS the reptilian brain will do whatever it does to survive…

    There is no understanding the reptilian brain that rules..

    It just rules.. with whatever way it plans for survival…

    IN Cheyneyed ways of colder hearted soul HE art…

    The sad song of torture is often not heard by

    by those without a human soul….

    Ah.. the illusion of culture can make nature seem so tame and

    weak without teeth.. and then the realization comes that truly

    Nature can be a beast with teeth..

    The gift of Santa for that Christmas night..

    might have been only for mouse…

    while the rest of the family looked out in despair…

    as all that is left is a somewhat stale

    Cheese mixed delight…

    that only a mouse finds light

    IN delight!

    i asked a dolphin once.. what is the meaning of life..

    and my dolphin friend just said..

    swim in now.. and never the same..

    as now is art and art is swim….

    The thing about snow that is so ethereal and true for me..

    is it is never the same and all as one.. in snow packed streets..

    of crystalized art… so unique in reflections of physics as art…

    First there was art.. and the rest is history…..

    i can count the times that rain turns to snow.. what seems like

    less that two hands in over 5 decades that go…

    But truly that nostalgic moment still lives in me…

    As the flood of rains become magic..

    and Angelic flurry of one..

    delight of Nature’s


    So White true and promised AND

    delivered in Life as Love….

    Ha-ha.. we haven’t had a tree since we adopted a feral cat

    that will never be too tame to tear it down.. i’m afraid..

    so the Christmas Spirit lives in our hearts as we shop the malls of present life…:)

    To me the poem is the form and poetry is the expression of poem.. or the essence thereof..

    and true in darker hours the form stands out and the essence that is poetry may be lost….

    When the essence comes back.. as darkness drifts away..

    poetry flows without form..or border as one..poetic essence of life……

    Making the reality of now as near and dream itself is a challenge of now

    that may be met.. when near becomes dream itself…

    But of course easier said and dreamed than action ITself….

    When action becomes dream and dream is action.. then ITself becomes
    near and REAL……AND dream…..

    i never really lost anyone until the 80’s when both grandmothers did go..

    and then there is the middle of last December and a stepfather.. then my

    father in June.. and then NOW my wife’s step-sister and the beat goes on with

    darker anniversaries arriving and doubling too.. but then.. there is still life..

    again.. the BEAT goes on..

    as life is a multi-colored ScarF of dagger and chalice……..

    Two orphan screws and a bicycle with two holes unfilled but when the spirit is bright

    Christmas can fill the wholes of any bike and heart to full deLIGHT!..:)

    A fellow had tried to appease

    his wife who sees..

    Red yellow and blue and purple

    as she pleases..

    So he figures new black is THAT..

    Ah.. what would we do without dark and light..

    all would be monochrome gray.. in colors or not..

    and even more boring than light and no dark…

    A man was trying to appease

    his wife with a new meal of oatmeal

    with a look in the kitchen please..

    She says get the hell out of my kitchen..

    you burned my oatmeal you no good cook….

    Forevermore nOw.. is a place i go.. noW that i find it Now..
    in a peace that is NOW…
    i WILL to never go back to any now
    but now.. so all tHere is is the kNow
    of kNOWing hope of now…..i kNOw

    Ah.. such a busy crowd of folks

    who shut down eyes.. ears.. and tongues in connection…

    So i decide to dance instead to touch the parts that are no

    longer seen.. spoken or heard as such by heard of herd…

    Ah.. every season with its beauty and every season with its challenge

    makes the light and dark of light

    a mix of deLIGHT of living life in LIGHT and dark…:)

    The grip of gravity is a gorgeous force of

    holding life in hand and hand of togetherness Love..

    And as the Sun moves around the Black Hole Center
    of its gravity and we move around the Sun on Earth home of Gaia..

    A gay time will continue to be force for all!

    Killed in the name of A false GOD created by human…

    Killed in the name of A false GOD created by human…

    Killed in the name of A false GOD created by human…

    Killed in the name of Allah for someone who knows NOT Allah…

    Killed in the name of Allah for someone who knows
    NOT Allah…

    Killed in the name of Allah for someone who knows
    NOT Allah…


    Human is a destructive Force..

    God waits….

    Justice COMES..

    Human knows not GOD of NO WORD

    GOD’s Justice speaks in NON-VERBAL WAY….

    Ah.. the forces of relative free will.. the dreams.. the doubts do A dance of life…

    Ah.. the doubts of relative free will gone.. the dreams.. the dreams.. the dreams…

    All let go..

    Do flow..

    in creating the greatest light IN LIFE of Dreams!

    When the rains drops of now.. slip into an ocean of only floating and never sinking deep..

    the sail of life blows full in breeze of loving life and the SAIL goes for 100% ON!

    And never as empty as 50% OFF!

    Within one.. outside one.. above so below..

    the living ONE does live..:)

    Ah.. and every night is a newborn night

    and every day is a light born now..

    and all the time is NOW for newborn LOVE:)

    The hope of a million years is that every year the light comes back to live..

    deep inside us the wonder and awe of the cycles and patterns of all that is..

    Strike @core of what makes us Amazing beings of light when well!

    The raindrop of togetherness only know friends..

    the connections they bring are soft and smooth..

    and never rough…

    There is strength in numbers as their connections do grow..

    And then an ocean of love stretches to shores in all of world!

    In just letting go..

    as togetherness does flow!

    True there is no better time than always now as the cycles of life

    never rest in A job well done.. and for us to embrace now..

    of Winter.. Summer.. Spring.. or Fall blue night..

    is to know light always comes back in now.. eventuAlly NOW..:)

    The enemies of dark.. do never seem to sing in the light of dark..

    but as long as the light sings a song of life..

    the dark of enemies will never erase the light of bright..

    AS LOVE will always outshine the dark of hate!




    I’m sure you are not, and I no longer am, but it IS MUCH MORE complicated than either ‘my’ view of life or ‘your’ view of life, as the Autism Spectrum is extremely diverse with an almost unlimited variety of causal factors that makes each unique individual what they are.

    Some people suffer much different challenges and yes disease, both physical and genetic that IS NOW specifically defined by science, as disease is part of the indirect and direct causal mix.

    And yes, as studied in approximately 85% of cases of Autism Spectrum Disorders, Alexithymia, an extremely emotionally disabling condition ranging from problems connecting language to emotion to almost a complete lack of empathy are part of that mix as brain scans do show in research WITH FOLKS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM.

    Autism is described strictly as behavior deficits in the DSM5 that consist of difficulty in establishing and maintaining peer appropriate relationships, sharing interests and accomplishments reciprocally, AND expressing to others and understanding non-verbal communication in reciprocal social communication. Additionally, restricted and repetitive behaviors are the other part of this behavioral deficit described disorder, including behavioral symptoms that indicate deficits in sensory integration.

    Chronic stress, including social stress alone can lead to almost all of these social reciprocal communication symptoms as science now shows, and chronic stress can also eventually directly lead to death as science now shows as well.

    For some folks Autism is not suffering, and of course a list of behavioral deficits in itself is not suffering, but it is up to each individual to determine if they feel they are broken and need to be mended.

    To suggest they are wrong about themselves is the height of callous selfishness, in my opinion, when they say they are in black and white on this website. And perhaps you do not understand why some folks literally are BROKEN AS THEY INDICATE THEIR SELF.

    Part of cognitive empathy is understanding people INHERENTLY and ENVIRONMENTALLY HAVE IT, WHATEVER IT IS, A LOT BETTER AND A LOT WORSE THAN ‘US’.


    AND PEOPLE who understand that express empathy on both sides of that human coin.

    Fnord’s suggestion by my metaphor here that everyone can pull up their bootstraps is simply B.S., AS I have been hopeless and totally determined by medical science as broken, acknowledged that reality, and eventually mended myself through great effort over 5 years, and the biggest part of that broken FOR ME WAS NOT physically or mentally being able to connect to other folks when my autism regressed to that of a severely autistic person, which is still on record in my medical file.

    MOST Human beings AUTISTIC OR NOT have the innate need to connect to other human beings as social animals.

    Some folks can do it obviously better than others, some folks cannot, some folks adapt, and some folks simply cannot due to innate reasons as well as environmental reasons.


    INFORMAL polls here show that about 33% of folks WISH FOR A CURE.

    Yes, THOSE folks are in the minority here, BUT LET US NOT FORGET THEY EXIST, please.

    AND for those science leaning folks among us, RESEARCH BACKS ME UP, and I have the facts that support what I say, right here at this link:

    And yeah, I wrote that when I was brokeN and did not have a ‘heart’ and only had ‘logic’ to spin me around in circles never going anywhere but on this website.

    I recognized I was broke as I had a ‘heart’ before; science suggests that is NOT ALWAYS the case with Autism no matter how NOT politically correct it is to NOT SWEEP THAT FACT UNDER THE CARPET.

    I CHOOSE TRUTH, no matter how hard IT IS TO HEAR.


    IF NOT, the results can potentially be catastrophic as I almost waited too long to acknowledge that to GET HELP, AND IF I DID NOT FINALLY GIVE IN AND ADMIT I WAS BROKEN, I WOULD HAVE LITERALLY DIED AS YES STRESS IS DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY associated with many cases of AUTISM AND IT KILLS, again, AS SCIENCE NOW SHOWS.


    THAT IS simply ludicrous for anyone who truly understands what the full SPECTRUM OF AUTISM ENTAILS FROM THE so-called lowest end of suffering to the so-called highest end of potential human suffering.

    Supporting folks is NOT TELLING THEM TO WALK THE PLANK WHEN THEY ARE METAPHORICALLY CRIPPLED per whatever crippled means in their perceived Universe AND not ‘ours’.

    And to be clear I understand you FEEL YOUR INTENTIONS ARE NOBLE BY STATING THIS ABSOLUTE BUT it is just NOT TRUE IN ALL CASES OF AUTISM, AS SCIENCE and Autistic folks say it without DOUBT.

    THE good news is as far as I know even without hope there is Hope for positive change, if one JUST NEVER GIVES UP AND TAKES LIFE THE BEST THEY CAN ONE STEP AT A TIME, IN WHATEVER BALANCE WORKS FOR THEM.


    Nothing personal Ford, but you are just incorrect about this one, and your philosophy is a potentially dangerous one, if some people attempt to practice it, who are not ready for it yet.

    Dr. Phil stuff does not USUALLY WORK with Autism.

    BUT DR. Phil is obviously lacking SOMETHING, TOO, AND yes THAT TOO, which reminds me of someone else, and not you FNORD, is the cognitive part of empathy, as clear as the nose on his face, to me, at least. 🙂


    SO YEAH, this is still a great country as is, as it is designed with the FACT IN MIND THAT EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND NO TWO COOKIE CUTTER SOLUTIONS usually WORK FOR ANY ONE UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL.

    THE LAND OF THE FREE AND HOME OF THE BRAVE is still true for those who understand and exercise their rights as American Citizens as I proudly DANCE THAT EVERYWHERE I GO TO THE DISMAY AND APPLAUSE OF OTHERS…..

    And I do it totally naked on the Internet cause my country allows it, as FREE AS IT GETS….


    In truth ALL words are ONLY metaphor for the essence of what is personal subjective reality, including the word broken of course.

    But trust me when SOME AUTISTIC people say they are broken they are not lying.

    And trust me if you tell me I was never broken as an Autistic person, both I and my doctors will correct you, with ALL DUE RESPECT, online or off. 🙂

    When it comes to human beings there are rarely any absolute metaphors of words THAT CAN be used universally as such.

    But that is sage talk and with cognitive empathy full in TOW I know it is complete gibberish to some folks and deep wisdom to others as I do frequent poetry websites as well as so-called reasoned ones like this. 😉

    It’s amazing as it is like there are two species of human beings when one travels both routes, at least in metaphor and I say this in respect as I remember you said you DO POETRY TOO. 😉

    Thanks for the clarification, and remember there are people in the background listening here to the tunes of hundreds too afraid to post but hoping for hope…any spark of hope.. to make it another now….

    I do not hear them but I ‘see’ them. 🙂

    And when I post here it is rarely the people who I am quoting who I am really talking to, in earnest. 🙂

    But you are an exception, friend.

    I was never a writer or a speaker for much, until I lost effective use of my eyesight and hearing, and was forced into that epigenetic and neuroplastic change where my life became words as that was the only symbol left for me to use to live life at all.

    So in a way, what you see here now is a person, in more ways than one. 🙂

    No, when I say effective loss of my hearing and sight it was through what medical science describes as the worst pain known to mankind, per type two trigeminal neuralgia.

    If you can imagine having your teeth drilled without novocain and the pain being in your right eye and ear instead, that is about as close to describing it as I can for a potential perspective of someone who does not experience it might understand, except for me, it was constant and unrelenting for 5 VERY VERY long years, without relief during all waking hours.

    To put it in perspective the greatest joy I had during those years was when an ophthalmologist put some screws in my tear ducts for another unrelated physical illness per Sjorgren’s syndrome where my eyes quit making tears. It took my mind off the other pain for one split second of relative human heaven, at that point, and only at that point in time.

    The second best experience was when a beloved cat died, and I managed to squeeze out one tear, for feeling something, anything at that time with complete numbness of emotions as well.

    Now to be clear of course none of this is related directly to Autism; however, the chronic social stress of the extreme responsibilities of my government job, is directly related to what seems to be all 19 disorders I accumulated to that point of disability as none of them existed before the stress and in effect and affect none of them exist now after 5 long years of recuperation from that chronic stress.

    My doctors tend to agree that the chronic impact of stress before those 5 years of ALMOST total shut-in disability that lasted from about the year 1997 to 2007, all together, taken into consideration, is what eventually almost killed me.

    So basically as a whole, but not specifically all, SOME Autistic folks are like canaries in the coal mine of this culture in all the complexity that exists of it, as far as I can see now.

    And yeah, to have been Helen Keller would have been a relief of amazing proportions then, but nah, of course not now, with the recovery that no doctor gave me a chance in hell to gain at my lowest point.

    Stress is bad news, and sometimes it’s hard to give up to escape it.

    But to give up is always better than dying in my opinion now, as far as quitting a challenge of work that is impossible to do, although I dam sure wanted to do it per death really bad for many years, for GOOD REASON, during the disability, AS TRULY there are things worse in life than death, beyond even what most people conceive of what the word broken can possibly mean. 🙂

    And for the naysayers all I can say is I would not wish parts of my life on even the devil if the devil truly literally existed….

    Yeah, I think I have the cognitive empathy NOW of 14.5 billion years, if that IS possible…..per metaphor of course….

    I HAVE Absolutely zero pain, NOW.

    Additionally, during the disability it was determined that I was born with a congenitally fused T-6 vertebrae in my neck that led to early onset severe degenerative osteoarthritis in my neck and spinal stenosis that was also excruciating pain from onset of all waking hours.

    Additionally, during the disability I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia per pain all over my body, and dysautonomia where my blood pressure and heart rate would no longer work as properly controlled by my brain and nervous system through the most basic of autonomic function. I could not walk around the block or even eat a meal without almost passing out. And a condition I suffered from named coat hanger pain was part of that too.

    And nah, that’s not nearly all of it, but it is the most challenging parts of the illness and disability I did incur.

    Human potential is what my life is all about, NOW, and the things that I document that I can do with the power of positive faith, belief, will, HOPE, courage, AND POSITIVE CHANGE having absolutely no requirement to be associated with any religion are REAL, AND I HAVE THE EVIDENCE THAT PROVES THAT AS REAL.

    Considering I am 54 years old and can press 810LBS with my legs, dance walk a mix of martial arts and ballet style dance walking 2800 miles in 16 months, and lead a dance solo among 20 something year olds at one of the top 100 dance clubs in the U.S. going on 39 weeks now, is considered AWESOME ALL BY ITSELF BY THE Onlookers who have no idea I went to LITERAL HUMAN HELL for five years first or even know my age for that matter, as many folks estimate me in my 30’s after watching me do what I CAN DO in real life, NOW.

    It’s too complicated even to discuss this, per all the challenges I have surpassed, FULLY in real VERBAL life, as spell checker doesn’t even know how to spell many of the disorders I was diagnosed with, SO OF course most people have no idea what I am talking about when I use all the relatively rare medical terms either, in real life. 🙂

    If I could have found just one person online who had successfully recovered from TYPE TWO TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA AS I DID COME ACROSS SOME TYPE ONE FOLKS WHO experience it acutely and intermittently, it would have given me a spark of hope I really needed to get by in life better at that time.

    So yeah, I talk about it whenever I have the chance, as perhaps there is another 1 in a million out there, in the reading audience who has long since given up.

    And beyond that there have been discussions on this website where some folks think a person is gonna be old and useless by the time they reach 50 and life won’t be any fun or worth living.

    One thing for sure is, I prove that myth wrong everyday now. Statistics on human health and aging in this country is based on the norm of a society that is functionally disabled, overall, by the comforts of culture per declining physical intelligence.

    If one take care of themselves, IN PARTICULAR SUCCESSFULLY MANAGING STRESS, they need not believe that statistic of mall sitters in their 40’s and 50’s. 🙂

    Eastern philosophies have already proven this true for thousands of years, through the ‘medicine’ of MOVEMENT THERAPY and finally science TG, is beginning to catch up.

    Smiles, and Happy Holidays to ya..:)

    KATiE MiA FredericK!iI

    Gravatar is one of the coolest things ever!! !

  5. ManicDdaily says:

    Hey Katie–could not read all the comments–but I appreciate the idea of light and diversity and certainly, the commercialism is beyond the beyond, as shown in your photos. Some of the reflected photos–the branches etc are beautiful and the convenience store ones quite sardonic. Take care and have a great new year. k.

    • Hi ManicDdaily.. not the poem i linked for Dverse.. but never the less thanks for stopping by on this new one with ALL THE PHOTOS..;)

      AND YES.. i intended to show it as a little satire per REAL LIFE.. VS.. the commercialism of illusion..:)

      Happy Holidays and hope you have a great New Year every now of now as well..:)

  6. Pingback: Grand Cross Bible 2016 | KATiE MiA FredericK!iI

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.