Truly now can last forever.. if we can just live in now.. now…
That’s what my cat does so i follow his direction..too..:)
Ugh.. i had to Wiki to find the original story
as my mind drifted off to the peace of Bob Marley..
Don’t worry be happy and smoke a big joint
is probably what his Christmas Story would be about..
And although i do not do the doobie thing.. except for the Doobie brothers..
not worrying is truly a gift.. in changing what we can and accepting that yes..
real literal human hell exists.. and we are so fortunate to be spared from it..
and blessed.. if as such.. is true..:)
And i’m sure it must be dark in Sweden as even in North Florida
with clouds of the last three days.. the shortest day of dark..
does spin tales of gloom.. particularly as we
watch my wife’s sister’s last few days with cancer….
Life is such a gift.. in all the light and dark it is….
Ha..! “i put out the garbage bin.. cover your ears..”
and i think that is what my wife thinks about my musings at times..
i suppose next i too… will warn her.. to cover her ears….
Ah.. the tree of life is born both of trees past and trees present..
and all maple leaves present and lost are part of that tree of togetherness as ONE..
A hopeful song of love are your words today..
for the darkest day that does come tomorrow..
as light can live on in heArt…:)
Words are a child of the drive to survive
through enhanced communication..
for greater social cooperation…
And somewhere along the line..
some folks forgot the flesh and blood goal…
And somewhere along the line.. some folks remember…
And the line of communication is only as good as the heArt behind it..
that does MOTIVATE THE HUMAN Social Cooperation words are truly intended for…
So yes.. words are either seeds for human social cooperation are just
empty shells of nothing.. much.. worthwhile.. in my opinion…..
Ah.. i can count the number of days in Florida like that at 3 for 54 years..
in 72..77.. and 93.. and the Winter Snows do captivate magic for me..
that no photos or HD movies can deLIGHT my senses like White Angeled happy tears…:)
We in the U.S.A. are so privileged and perhaps spoiled for
no one really living a war on the ground of square miles of blood…
911 was the only true time of FEELING PATRIOTISM IN THE air in the U.S.
and short-lived as the resources are so abundant here..
that even patriotism can be used.. to gain a lie…..
Wars are a sad story but also one that can bring folks together as one…..
Ah… i love all mythology as it takes one to the subjective world
of human archetypes and allows one to explore more than skin deep..:)
Ahh.. to find GOD and the Devil all in one place in the mushROOMS of life..
is to find peace of mind.. and perhaps a high of life..;)
A lovely poem of Archangel Lore.. and it reminds me of my favorite part of Catholic Mass
when i get to sing with choirs of archangel light.. in lovely lore..:)
Not all pencils have erasers is a great line.. and even science now shows
that children who are not nurtured with touchy feely love in the first two years..
never lose that pencil of separation from love…
And yes.. it often ends in suicide as well…
sad the human condition can be.. when love is not watered to life…
One thing that i loved about working with the military in my ‘red neck’ town
is the discrimination against blacks a few miles North in a solid white so-called Christian town..
where black shipmates are warned not to go at night.. does not exist behind the gates of my military station….
What a breath of fresh air that WAS.. as i still heAR hateful comments AT the in-laws get together
a few miles north the other way.. on a pastor’s farm as such..
And he bought all the kids T-shirts that say.. It’s not about me.. it’s about Jesus…
If only they painted Jesus… with love in ‘ME’.. AS ANY COLOR EXCEPT FOR HATE….:)
AND TO be clear the pastor seems OK with black folks.. but it’s just his congregation of
family that is still lost in the DISTANT PAST from TRUE practice of unconditional love…..
i’m so glad i do not live in a big city.. as chaos does grow..
when humans pile up like lemmings in a can….:)
Ah.. the tree of life is born both of trees past and trees present..
and all maple leaves present and lost are part of
that tree of togetherness as ONE..
A cautious tale is one of hollow
and cement to harden hollows of life..
and a frozen one is one and same..
As a HE
does not make
Ah.. dust dancing is not the beauty of awe..
it is the dance of dust
that does inspire awe..:)
The steps of ROCKS that make life what is..
are varied.. sharp.. and soft edged smooth of lock..
To let go and stumble down paths of edged rocks fury…
is to land on grains of sand so fine and blurry…
and then one can see that the differences in step ARE only illusion..
as one step is NOW in ONE rock of life….
Ah.. to know the heart of cold hearted souls is to know the
reptilian brain that cares not for love but only survival..
And then no longer is the care that there are other humans…
AS the reptilian brain will do whatever it does to survive…
There is no understanding the reptilian brain that rules..
It just rules.. with whatever way it plans for survival…
IN Cheyneyed ways of colder hearted soul HE art…
The sad song of torture is often not heard by
by those without a human soul….
Ah.. the illusion of culture can make nature seem so tame and
weak without teeth.. and then the realization comes that truly
Nature can be a beast with teeth..
The gift of Santa for that Christmas night..
might have been only for mouse…
while the rest of the family looked out in despair…
as all that is left is a somewhat stale
Cheese mixed delight…
that only a mouse finds light
i asked a dolphin once.. what is the meaning of life..
and my dolphin friend just said..
swim in now.. and never the same..
as now is art and art is swim….
The thing about snow that is so ethereal and true for me..
is it is never the same and all as one.. in snow packed streets..
of crystalized art… so unique in reflections of physics as art…
First there was art.. and the rest is history…..
i can count the times that rain turns to snow.. what seems like
less that two hands in over 5 decades that go…
But truly that nostalgic moment still lives in me…
As the flood of rains become magic..
and Angelic flurry of one..
delight of Nature’s
So White true and promised AND
delivered in Life as Love….
Ha-ha.. we haven’t had a tree since we adopted a feral cat
that will never be too tame to tear it down.. i’m afraid..
so the Christmas Spirit lives in our hearts as we shop the malls of present life…:)
To me the poem is the form and poetry is the expression of poem.. or the essence thereof..
and true in darker hours the form stands out and the essence that is poetry may be lost….
When the essence comes back.. as darkness drifts away..
poetry flows without form..or border as one..poetic essence of life……
Making the reality of now as near and dream itself is a challenge of now
that may be met.. when near becomes dream itself…
But of course easier said and dreamed than action ITself….
When action becomes dream and dream is action.. then ITself becomes
near and REAL……AND dream…..
i never really lost anyone until the 80’s when both grandmothers did go..
and then there is the middle of last December and a stepfather.. then my
father in June.. and then NOW my wife’s sister and the beat goes on with
darker anniversaries arriving and doubling too.. but then.. there is still life..
again.. the BEAT goes on..
as life is a multi-colored ScarF of dagger and chalice……..
Two orphan screws and a bicycle with two holes unfilled but when the spirit is bright
Christmas can fill the wholes of any bike and heart to full deLIGHT!..:)
A fellow had tried to appease
his wife who sees..
Red yellow and blue and purple
as she pleases..
So he figures new black is THAT..
Ah.. what would we do without dark and light..
all would be monochrome gray.. in colors or not..
and even more boring than light and no dark…
A man was trying to appease
his wife with a new meal of oatmeal
with a look in the kitchen please..
She says get the hell out of my kitchen..
you burned my oatmeal you no good cook….
Forevermore nOw.. is a place i go.. noW that i find it Now..
in a peace that is NOW…
i WILL to never go back to any now
but now.. so all tHere is is the kNow
of kNOWing hope of now…..i kNOw
Ah.. such a busy crowd of folks
who shut down eyes.. ears.. and tongues in connection…
So i decide to dance instead to touch the parts that are no
longer seen.. spoken or heard as such by heard of herd…
Ah.. every season with its beauty and every season with its challenge
makes the light and dark of light
a mix of deLIGHT of living life in LIGHT and dark…:)
The grip of gravity is a gorgeous force of
holding life in hand and hand of togetherness Love..
And as the Sun moves around the Black Hole Center
of its gravity and we move around the Sun on Earth home of Gaia..
A gay time will continue to be force for all!
Killed in the name of A false GOD created by human…
Killed in the name of A false GOD created by human…
Killed in the name of A false GOD created by human…
Killed in the name of Allah for someone who knows NOT Allah…
Killed in the name of Allah for someone who knows
Killed in the name of Allah for someone who knows
SO MANY DIE.. SO MANY MORE…
Human is a destructive Force..
Human knows not GOD of NO WORD
GOD’s Justice speaks in NON-VERBAL WAY….
Ah.. the forces of relative free will.. the dreams.. the doubts do A dance of life…
Ah.. the doubts of relative free will gone.. the dreams.. the dreams.. the dreams…
All let go..
in creating the greatest light IN LIFE of Dreams!
When the rains drops of now.. slip into an ocean of only floating and never sinking deep..
the sail of life blows full in breeze of loving life and the SAIL goes for 100% ON!
And never as empty as 50% OFF!
Within one.. outside one.. above so below..
the living ONE does live..:)
Ah.. and every night is a newborn night
and every day is a light born now..
and all the time is NOW for newborn LOVE:)
The hope of a million years is that every year the light comes back to live..
deep inside us the wonder and awe of the cycles and patterns of all that is..
Strike @core of what makes us Amazing beings of light when well!
The raindrop of togetherness only know friends..
the connections they bring are soft and smooth..
and never rough…
There is strength in numbers as their connections do grow..
And then an ocean of love stretches to shores in all of world!
In just letting go..
as togetherness does flow!
True there is no better time than always now as the cycles of life
never rest in A job well done.. and for us to embrace now..
of Winter.. Summer.. Spring.. or Fall blue night..
is to know light always comes back in now.. eventuAlly NOW..:)
The enemies of dark.. do never seem to sing in the light of dark..
but as long as the light sings a song of life..
the dark of enemies will never erase the light of bright..
AS LOVE will always outshine the dark of hate!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS AND AN ALWAYS MERRY NOW!..:)
I’m sure you are not, and I no longer am, but it IS MUCH MORE complicated than either ‘my’ view of life or ‘your’ view of life, as the Autism Spectrum is extremely diverse with an almost unlimited variety of causal factors that makes each unique individual what they are.
Some people suffer much different challenges and yes disease, both physical and genetic that IS NOW specifically defined by science, as disease is part of the indirect and direct causal mix.
And yes, as studied in approximately 85% of cases of Autism Spectrum Disorders, Alexithymia, an extremely emotionally disabling condition ranging from problems connecting language to emotion to almost a complete lack of empathy are part of that mix as brain scans do show in research WITH FOLKS ON THE AUTISM SPECTRUM.
Autism is described strictly as behavior deficits in the DSM5 that consist of difficulty in establishing and maintaining peer appropriate relationships, sharing interests and accomplishments reciprocally, AND expressing to others and understanding non-verbal communication in reciprocal social communication. Additionally, restricted and repetitive behaviors are the other part of this behavioral deficit described disorder, including behavioral symptoms that indicate deficits in sensory integration.
Chronic stress, including social stress alone can lead to almost all of these social reciprocal communication symptoms as science now shows, and chronic stress can also eventually directly lead to death as science now shows as well.
For some folks Autism is not suffering, and of course a list of behavioral deficits in itself is not suffering, but it is up to each individual to determine if they feel they are broken and need to be mended.
To suggest they are wrong about themselves is the height of callous selfishness, in my opinion, when they say they are in black and white on this website. And perhaps you do not understand why some folks literally are BROKEN AS THEY INDICATE THEIR SELF.
Part of cognitive empathy is understanding people INHERENTLY and ENVIRONMENTALLY HAVE IT, WHATEVER IT IS, A LOT BETTER AND A LOT WORSE THAN ‘US’.
THAT’S JUST HUMAN 101.
AND PEOPLE who understand that express empathy on both sides of that human coin.
Fnord’s suggestion by my metaphor here that everyone can pull up their bootstraps is simply B.S., AS I have been hopeless and totally determined by medical science as broken, acknowledged that reality, and eventually mended myself through great effort over 5 years, and the biggest part of that broken FOR ME WAS NOT physically or mentally being able to connect to other folks when my autism regressed to that of a severely autistic person, which is still on record in my medical file.
MOST Human beings AUTISTIC OR NOT have the innate need to connect to other human beings as social animals.
Some folks can do it obviously better than others, some folks cannot, some folks adapt, and some folks simply cannot due to innate reasons as well as environmental reasons.
Ford’s a lucky dude, and WELL, I as evidence shows am a SUPER LUCKY DUDE NOW, but never the less that does NOT DIMINISH THE REALITY THAT SOME AUTISTIC FOLKS SAY THAT THEY ARE BROKEN AND LIVE THIS BROKEN EVERY DAY.
INFORMAL polls here show that about 33% of folks WISH FOR A CURE.
Yes, THOSE folks are in the minority here, BUT LET US NOT FORGET THEY EXIST, please.
AND for those science leaning folks among us, RESEARCH BACKS ME UP, and I have the facts that support what I say, right here at this link:
And yeah, I wrote that when I was brokeN and did not have a ‘heart’ and only had ‘logic’ to spin me around in circles never going anywhere but on this website.
I recognized I was broke as I had a ‘heart’ before; science suggests that is NOT ALWAYS the case with Autism no matter how NOT politically correct it is to NOT SWEEP THAT FACT UNDER THE CARPET.
I CHOOSE TRUTH, no matter how hard IT IS TO HEAR.
THE FIRST STEP, SOMETIMES, TO MENDING ONESELF IS TO ACKNOWLEDGE ONE IS BROKEN.
IF NOT, the results can potentially be catastrophic as I almost waited too long to acknowledge that to GET HELP, AND IF I DID NOT FINALLY GIVE IN AND ADMIT I WAS BROKEN, I WOULD HAVE LITERALLY DIED AS YES STRESS IS DIRECTLY AND INDIRECTLY associated with many cases of AUTISM AND IT KILLS, again, AS SCIENCE NOW SHOWS.
SOME Autistic folks are at the point of literal human exhaustion AS A DIRECT RESULT OF CHRONIC SOCIAL STRESS and the PHYSIOLOGICAL DELETERIOUS EFFECTS AND AFFECT OF THAT do NOT allow one to PULL THEMSELVES UP BY THEIR BOOTSTRAPS in my metaphor here AS FNORD FALLACIOUSLY SUGGESTS THEY CAN IN ALL CASES.
THAT IS simply ludicrous for anyone who truly understands what the full SPECTRUM OF AUTISM ENTAILS FROM THE so-called lowest end of suffering to the so-called highest end of potential human suffering.
Supporting folks is NOT TELLING THEM TO WALK THE PLANK WHEN THEY ARE METAPHORICALLY CRIPPLED per whatever crippled means in their perceived Universe AND not ‘ours’.
And to be clear I understand you FEEL YOUR INTENTIONS ARE NOBLE BY STATING THIS ABSOLUTE BUT it is just NOT TRUE IN ALL CASES OF AUTISM, AS SCIENCE and Autistic folks say it without DOUBT.
THE good news is as far as I know even without hope there is Hope for positive change, if one JUST NEVER GIVES UP AND TAKES LIFE THE BEST THEY CAN ONE STEP AT A TIME, IN WHATEVER BALANCE WORKS FOR THEM.
MILEAGE DOES VARY.
Nothing personal Ford, but you are just incorrect about this one, and your philosophy is a potentially dangerous one, if some people attempt to practice it, who are not ready for it yet.
Dr. Phil stuff does not USUALLY WORK with Autism.
BUT DR. Phil is obviously lacking SOMETHING, TOO, AND yes THAT TOO, which reminds me of someone else, and not you FNORD, is the cognitive part of empathy, as clear as the nose on his face, to me, at least..:)
The great thing about the U.S. is TRULY IT STILL SUPPORTS THE NOT STATUS QUO, OTHERWISE I WOULD NEVER BE ABLE TO DANCE WALK A MIX OF MARTIAL ARTS AND BALLET EVERYWHERE I GO IN PUBLIC FOR 2800 MILES in 16 months.
SO YEAH, this is still a great country as is, as it is designed with the FACT IN MIND THAT EVERYONE IS DIFFERENT AND NO TWO COOKIE CUTTER SOLUTIONS usually WORK FOR ANY ONE UNIQUE INDIVIDUAL.
THE LAND OF THE FREE AND HOME OF THE BRAVE is still true for those who understand and exercise their rights as American Citizens as I proudly DANCE THAT EVERYWHERE I GO TO THE DISMAY AND APPLAUSE OF OTHERS…..
And I do it totally naked on the Internet cause my country allows it, as FREE AS IT GETS….
IN A LEGAL WAY OF COURSE..;)
In truth ALL words are ONLY metaphor for the essence of what is personal subjective reality, including the word broken of course.
But trust me when SOME AUTISTIC people say they are broken they are not lying.
And trust me if you tell me I was never broken as an Autistic person, both I and my doctors will correct you, with ALL DUE RESPECT, online or off..:)
When it comes to human beings there are rarely any absolute metaphors of words THAT CAN be used universally as such.
But that is sage talk and with cognitive empathy full in TOW I know it is complete gibberish to some folks and deep wisdom to others as I do frequent poetry websites as well as so-called reasoned ones like this..;)
It’s amazing as it is like there are two species of human beings when one travels both routes, at least in metaphor and I say this in respect as I remember you said you DO POETRY TOO..;)
Thanks for the clarification, and remember there are people in the background listening here to the tunes of hundreds too afraid to post but hoping for hope…any spark of hope.. to make it another now….
I do not hear them but I ‘see’ them..:)
And when I post here it is rarely the people who I am quoting who I am really talking to, in earnest..:)
But you are an exception, friend.
I was never a writer or a speaker for much, until I lost effective use of my eyesight and hearing, and was forced into that epigenetic and neuroplastic change where my life became words as that was the only symbol left for me to use to live life at all.
So in a way, what you see here now is a person, in more ways than one..:)
No, when I say effective loss of my hearing and sight it was through what medical science describes as the worst pain known to mankind, per type two trigeminal neuralgia.
If you can imagine having your teeth drilled without novocain and the pain being in your right eye and ear instead, that is about as close to describing it as I can for a potential perspective of someone who does not experience it might understand, except for me, it was constant and unrelenting for 5 VERY VERY long years, without relief during all waking hours.
To put it in perspective the greatest joy I had during those years was when an ophthalmologist put some screws in my tear ducts for another unrelated physical illness per Sjorgren’s syndrome where my eyes quit making tears. It took my mind off the other pain for one split second of relative human heaven, at that point, and only at that point in time.
The second best experience was when a beloved cat died, and I managed to squeeze out one tear, for feeling something, anything at that time with complete numbness of emotions as well.
Now to be clear of course none of this is related directly to Autism; however, the chronic social stress of the extreme responsibilities of my government job, is directly related to what seems to be all 19 disorders I accumulated to that point of disability as none of them existed before the stress and in effect and affect none of them exist now after 5 long years of recuperation from that chronic stress.
My doctors tend to agree that the chronic impact of stress before those 5 years of ALMOST total shut-in disability that lasted from about the year 1997 to 2007, all together, taken into consideration, is what eventually almost killed me.
So basically as a whole, but not specifically all, SOME Autistic folks are like canaries in the coal mine of this culture in all the complexity that exists of it, as far as I can see now.
And yeah, to have been Helen Keller would have been a relief of amazing proportions then, but nah, of course not now, with the recovery that no doctor gave me a chance in hell to gain at my lowest point.
Stress is bad news, and sometimes it’s hard to give up to escape it.
But to give up is always better than dying in my opinion now, as far as quitting a challenge of work that is impossible to do, although I dam sure wanted to do it per death really bad for many years, for GOOD REASON, during the disability, AS TRULY there are things worse in life than death, beyond even what most people conceive of what the word broken can possibly mean..:)
And for the naysayers all I can say is I would not wish parts of my life on even the devil if the devil truly literally existed….
Yeah, I think I have the cognitive empathy NOW of 14.5 billion years, if that IS possible…..per metaphor of course….
I HAVE Absolutely zero pain, NOW.
Additionally, during the disability it was determined that I was born with a congenitally fused T-6 vertebrae in my neck that led to early onset severe degenerative osteoarthritis in my neck and spinal stenosis that was also excruciating pain from onset of all waking hours.
Additionally, during the disability I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia per pain all over my body, and dysautonomia where my blood pressure and heart rate would no longer work as properly controlled by my brain and nervous system through the most basic of autonomic function. I could not walk around the block or even eat a meal without almost passing out. And a condition I suffered from named coat hanger pain was part of that too.
And nah, that’s not nearly all of it, but it is the most challenging parts of the illness and disability I did incur.
Human potential is what my life is all about, NOW, and the things that I document that I can do with the power of positive faith, belief, will, HOPE, courage, AND POSITIVE CHANGE having absolutely no requirement to be associated with any religion are REAL, AND I HAVE THE EVIDENCE THAT PROVES THAT AS REAL.
Considering I am 54 years old and can press 810LBS with my legs, dance walk a mix of martial arts and ballet style dance walking 2800 miles in 16 months, and lead a dance solo among 20 something year olds at one of the top 100 dance clubs in the U.S. going on 39 weeks now, is considered AWESOME ALL BY ITSELF BY THE Onlookers who have no idea I went to LITERAL HUMAN HELL for five years first or even know my age for that matter, as many folks estimate me in my 30’s after watching me do what I CAN DO in real life, NOW.
It’s too complicated even to discuss this, per all the challenges I have surpassed, FULLY in real VERBAL life, as spell checker doesn’t even know how to spell many of the disorders I was diagnosed with, SO OF course most people have no idea what I am talking about when I use all the relatively rare medical terms either, in real life..:)
If I could have found just one person online who had successfully recovered from TYPE TWO TRIGEMINAL NEURALGIA AS I DID COME ACROSS SOME TYPE ONE FOLKS WHO experience it acutely and intermittently, it would have given me a spark of hope I really needed to get by in life better at that time.
So yeah, I talk about it whenever I have the chance, as perhaps there is another 1 in a million out there, in the reading audience who has long since given up.
And beyond that there have been discussions on this website where some folks think a person is gonna be old and useless by the time they reach 50 and life won’t be any fun or worth living.
One thing for sure is, I prove that myth wrong everyday now. Statistics on human health and aging in this country is based on the norm of a society that is functionally disabled, overall, by the comforts of culture per declining physical intelligence.
If one take care of themselves, IN PARTICULAR SUCCESSFULLY MANAGING STRESS, they need not believe that statistic of mall sitters in their 40’s and 50’s..:)
Eastern philosophies have already proven this true for thousands of years, through the ‘medicine’ of MOVEMENT THERAPY and finally science TG, is beginning to catch up.
Smiles, and Happy Holidays to ya..:)
Ah.. Christ mas Eve it is and with that comes gift..
There once was a man who posted close to 6 thousand words of non-
poetry to no one but him..
This man went on to comment on over one hundred poetry sites..
and the only one kind enough to comment back was a man named Brian..
with a correct answer to a question that was LOVE…
i for one will never forget this man..
as his kindness.. tolerance and acceptance..
another man named
The year is 2010..
A chain in a bicycle basket..
on a ride to cool a brain
that cannot walk on terrestrial earth
without almost passing out…
The pain .. The pain .. The pain …
IS ALWAyS PAIN..
a DENTIST DRILL BIT ..
IN MY RIGHT EYE AND EAR..
IT’S BEEN TWO YEARS HOW LONG CAN i go on..
A road named for a bird.. Martin Road..
LIES in the distance..
there is a tree somewhere in the woods there
wHere no one will ever find the body of me..
it will ONLY provide nourishment
for carrion who
STILL do fly…
And there is a dream..
A dream by a wife named Katrina..
NEVER BEFORE HAS SHE MENTIONED
THE ROAD IN THE DISTANCE
NAMED MARTIN ROAD..
She wakes up
i had this strange dream..
My granny past in death and i
are hanging up ornaments
on A TREE ON Martin Road…
AND THEN i know GOD DOES STILL exist…
AND IS STILL ON SPEAKING TERMS WITH ME..
And i kNOw then i better pull up my bootstraps..
as GOD KNOWS BETTER THAN ME…..
i will never forget that girl named Katrina..
i for one will never forget that
A little later in 2010
a yellow tabby wild cat
comes crying under my shed…
This cat i see as lightening fast
traveling across borders of wooden fences..
catching squirrels with thunderous sharp teeth..
and then he cries.. he cries for help…
i venture close to him to see what he wants..
he ventures further
away in fear..
i bring a few morsels
of cat food to him…
he comes a little closer to love in me….
and then he slowly but surely eventually brings..
my heart back
Yes.. another gift from GOD is he…
His name is Yellow Boy
and he now
rests IN LOVE
by my feet
day later in 2010..
There is a site on the web
lurking in the back of my mind..
one that supports folks on an Autism Spectrum
named the Wrong Planet..
mentioned by my sister of same..
back in 2008 when the PAIN DID COME…
i have two years under my sword of unending pain..
Can i turn down the light on the monitor to YET withstand the pain..
i do.. i do.. i do.. and i muster one word..
aND then a line.. and another.. and a list..
THROUGH searing pain..
and then a paragraph.. a page..
as i search for what is lost in me..
making my words more organic in future years
as me comes back to me..in words….
And then a month later it is Christmas Eve..
until then there is only blank space and no avatar of me for others to see..
Somehow i muster the tolerance to the light of scanner to scan a hanging picture of me..
It is a toddler photo of the smiling eyes that reached out to all others that WAS ME….
AND THE user name AGHOGDAY THAT RELATES another and another and another
same day of pain for me.. becomes the bright EYES hope of baby that was once me..
The goal is to be human .. again .. so yes.. shortly after midnight on Christmas day.. in 2010..
the goal is the photo of the EYES OF THE toddler that was once LOVE in me….
So yeah now the baby is four years old…
And FULLER IN LOVE
UNCONDITIONALOVE COMES AGAIN
AM i again.. as WHOLEHUMANBEING
STRUNG OUT AS ONE