Can U See ME nowOne

IMG_6135 IMG_6136

 

Perhaps

the greatest

skill

of

human

beings

is

2

synthesize

their

own

happiness..

AS

research

shows..

a

Lottery

winner

is not

significantly

happier

after

a

year

than

a

Paraplegic..

however..

the

scientist

folks

did

not

weigh

IN

the

TOTAL

EFFECT

OF

A

SEVERE!

SOMETIMES

CATASTROPHIC!

UNRELENTING

PAIN

DISORDER

IN

TO

ACCOUNT

OF

THEIR

RESULTS

AS

SUCH!

Well as mentioned

more than a few times

in

these blogs

i

write

and

copy

to..

i

did

experience

and

was

finally

diagnosed

after

2 years

of

experiencing..

to

no

avail

to

the

source

of

the

pain..

That i DID!

have the

condition

loosely

described

as

type two

Trigeminal

Neuralgia..

in

my

case..

more specifically..

Sluder’s Headache

as a result

of

several

Sinus

associated

congenital

and

acquired

inflammatory

conditions

as

such..

And

the pain is not only

in

the sinuses

IT

continues

into

the

right

eye

and

ear

stabbing

searing

burning

as such during

all

waking

hours

for

over

5 years..

HMM..

A GREATER CHALLENGE

4

HAPPINESS

IS

THIS

CHALLENGE

OF

JOB..

YES

JOB!

IN

TRYING

TO CONVINCE

MY

MOTHER

IT

IS

WORSE

THAN

A

DAY OR SO STINT

OF BEING

CRUCIFIED..

SHE COULDN’T

BELIEVE

IT

UNTIL

HER

BOOK ON THE CRUCIFIXION

COMPARED THE ONLY

WORSE

SCENARIO

SPECIFICALLY

TO

MY CONDITION

AS

SUCH….

INVISIBLE

DISABILITIES

CAN

BE THE HARDEST OF ALL..

AS

NAH..

I STILL

LOOKED

HEALTHY

AS

i

did respect

my

temple

of

GOD

and

took

care

of

it

like a finely tuned race car..

for

years and years and years..

even with

many other

physical

challenges

like

Autism..

per the issues with motor control..

and

a

congenitally fused

vertebrae

in

T6

associated with Klippel

Feil

Syndrome..

Dysautonomia..

and

yes..

i

was

a

somewhat fragile

looking

child

with

photos that do prove that.

here..

even at age 13

as such…

IMG_7774

With more details here..

in my fight

back

to

be

Human..

recovering..

as

such

from

the

SEVERE

CHRONIC

PAIN

DISORDER

starting

July 2013..

https://katiemiafrederick.com/2013/12/31/katie-mia-frederick-2013-a-year-in-review/

THE PAIN

DISORDER

IS

SO

HORRIFYING!

THAT

i

could

not

connect

to anyone

in

REAL LIFE

FOR

OVER

5 YEARS..

SO

YES!

FOR ALL PRACTICAL

INTENTS

AND

PURPOSES

i

was

in

an

involuntary

self inflicted

PAIN

prison

of

INVISIBILITY!

THE ENEMY!

OF

MY

HEART..

SOUL

AND

SPIRIT!

WAS

PAIN..!

A

GIFT

FROM

GOD

IT

WAS..

as

NOW!

i

TRULY!

UNDERSTAND!

WHAT

THE

WORD

BLESSINGS

MEANS..!

EVERY SECOND OF EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY

DAY OF EVERY MONTH OF THIS YEAR

TO

THIS

DAM

SECOND

SINCE

JULY

22ND

WHEN

i

am

set

FREE!

from

that

PAIN!

IS

SACRED

TO ME…!

AND

HELL

NO

!

i

am

not

afraid

to share

my

entire

life

with

everyone

else

in

the

ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD..

YES!

I DO SAVE THAT WORD

FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS..

if

any part of

MY

LIFE STORY!

gives

 any

hope

of

inspiration

to

any

one

else

that

ha

s

been

to

HUMAN

HELL!

AND FUCK NO!

I DON’T CARE IF YOU ARE CHRISTIAN

BUDDHIST

OR

ATHEIST

ALL

i

care

about

is

HUMAN

BEING!

ALL THAT OTHER STUFF

CAN

GO

TO HELL!

IF ANYONE

ELSE

EXPERIENCES

REAL

HU

WO

MAN

HELL!

AND NO HELL NO..

THE WORST PAIN KNOWN TO MANKIND

IS

NOT

THE WORST

PAIN..

THE WORST

PAIN

IS

NO

HEART

NO

SOUL

NO

SPIRIT..!

THE

DARK

NIGHT

OF

THE SOUL!

WHEN

ONE

IS

PAPER THIN

EXISTENCE

AS

ONE

DOES

FEEL

THE

NUMBNESS

OF

PIECE OF PAPER..

WORSE

THAN

A

PIECE

OF

BURNT

TOAST..

THE REASON

PEOPLE

SELF INJURE

IS

BECAUSE

PAIN

FEELS

BETTER

THAN

NUMBNESS..!

AFTER

GOING

40 DAYS

WITH

NO SLEEP

BUT

ONE HOUR

EACH

NIGHT

IN THE FIRST

35

DAYS

WITH

AID

OF

AN

ALPHA

BLOCKER

MEDICATION..

AND

NO

SLEEP

THE

LAST

5

OUT

OF

40

!

i

reach

the place of the dead

soul..

where

even

the misery of pain

goes

away

to

numb

and

i

pray

to

GOD

with all my might

that

the worst

pain

known

to mankind

will

come

back

so

i

can

feel

anything

at

all!

Well yes..!

finally after a trip

to the emergency

room

to

take some powerful

anxiety drugs that i refused

to

take earlier

that

finally

allowed

sleep..

the

PAIN COMES BACK..

BUT THE JOY OF PAIN..

IS

NO MATCH

FOR

THE

DESPAIR

OF

NO FEELING

AT

ALL

WHEN

A

THOUSAND YEARS

OF

HELL

IS ONE SECOND..!

BUT

NOW

WITH

FULL

APPRECIATION

OF

EVERY

SECOND

OF

MY LIFE

IN NOW..!

EVERY NOW

IS

 A

THOUSAND

YEARS

 OF BLISS!

AND HELL YES..!

THE FORM

OF

MY

BODY THAT i SO WILLINGLY

SHARE

FREELY!

AND

 TOTALLY!

AS SUCH..!

IS

PROOF

OF THE STRENGTH

OF

THE

WILL

OF

ALL

OF OUR SPIRITS

TO FACE

ANY

CHALLENGE

THAT COMES

A

LONG

TO

WIN

IN THIS GAME

OF

LIFE

NOW

O

N

e

for me with Allitis

aka

what i understand

as

GO

D

!

the

TOTAL

FORCE

OF

ALLITIS1!

THAT

INSPIRES

US

TO GO

ON!

THAT

YES!

WE

DO

CREATE

OUR

LIFE!

THROUGH

WILL..!

AND

AS

LONG

AS

WE

HAVE

WILL

AND

NEVER

EVER

NEVER

EVER

GIVE

UP

!

THAT EVEN SOMEONE

LIKE

ME

WITH

NO

HOPE

CAN

DAM

SURE

FEEL

LIKE

SUPERMAN

NOW..!

NEVER

EVER

WITH

ANYONE

BRINGING

ME

DOWN

NO

W

!

SO MANY PEOPLE INSPIRE ME

IN THE HISTORY OF MY LIFE

TO

GO

ON!

EVEN JACK LA LANE

IN

HIS WILL

TO

STAY STRONG

IN

OLDER AGE

FOR

WHAT

CAN

BE

HUMAN

POTENTIAL!

BE

ALL

i

can

be

is

my

motto!

in

the

DANCE

AND

SONG

OF

LIFE..!

i

dance

and

sing

the

form

HERE

IN THE

E-WORLD

AND

IN

REAL

LIFE

2

!

TO

CELEBRATE

THE

GIFT

OF

LIFE

OF

ALLITIS

AKA

GO

D

AS

i

NOW

understand

ME!

And sure..

when i wear this shirt

now

in

my

13th COLLEGE

RAVE

DANCE

NIGHT..

ME

AT

54..

AT

SEVILLE

QUARTER

IN PENSACOLA

FL..

NO

ONE

WILL

UNDERSTAND

WHAT

I

T

REALLY

MEANS

TO

BE

INVISIBLE!

OR

MAY

BE

SOMEONE

WILL..

HOPE

IS

ALL!

WHAT

IT’S

ABOUT!

FAITH!

IN

WHAT

IS

!

WILL

GET

YA

THROUGH..!

SACRED LOVE!

WILL

TAKE

YA

TO

THE

HEAVEN

IN

NO

W

!

THAT

IS

A

REAL

DAM

THING..!

NO MATTER

COLOR..

SEXUAL

ORIENTATION..

RELIGIOUS

PREFERENCE..

NATIONALITY

OR

EVEN

WHAT

FUCKING!

PLANET

YOU

ARE

FROM!

LOSACREDLOVE

1006WORDSFRED!SWORDS1006

SACRED

AS SUCH..

IF

ONLY

TO

ME

!

i

LIVE

i

LIVE

NOW

O

N

e

a

SURVIVOR

AS

SUCH!

WITH MORE PHOTOS

TO

COME

AND WHATEVER

ELSE

MAY

COME

FOREVERMORENOW!

SACREDLOVE

IS

THE

WAY

FOR

ME

NOW

O

N

E

!

!ONETHOUSANDFORTYSEVENWORDSWITHTHELINKTOTHESONGINCLUDED!

IMG_6118

IMG_6222 IMG_6223 IMG_6224 IMG_6225 IMG_6226 IMG_6227 IMG_6228 IMG_6229 IMG_6230 IMG_6231 IMG_6232 IMG_6233 IMG_6234 IMG_6235 IMG_6236 IMG_6237 IMG_6238 IMG_6239 IMG_6240 IMG_6241 IMG_6242 IMG_6243 IMG_6244 IMG_6245 IMG_6246 IMG_6247 IMG_6248 IMG_6249 IMG_6250 IMG_6251 IMG_6252 IMG_6253 IMG_6254 IMG_6255

About katiemiafrederick

I like to write.
This entry was posted in Uncategorized and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s