Perhaps
the greatest
skill
of
human
beings
is
2
synthesize
their
own
happiness..
AS
research
shows..
a
Lottery
winner
is not
significantly
happier
after
a
year
than
a
Paraplegic..
however..
the
scientist
folks
did
not
weigh
IN
the
TOTAL
EFFECT
OF
A
SEVERE!
SOMETIMES
CATASTROPHIC!
UNRELENTING
PAIN
DISORDER
IN
TO
ACCOUNT
OF
THEIR
RESULTS
AS
SUCH!
Well as mentioned
more than a few times
in
these blogs
i
write
and
copy
to..
i
did
experience
and
was
finally
diagnosed
after
2 years
of
experiencing..
to
no
avail
to
the
source
of
the
pain..
That i DID!
have the
condition
loosely
described
as
type two
Trigeminal
Neuralgia..
in
my
case..
more specifically..
Sluder’s Headache
as a result
of
several
Sinus
associated
congenital
and
acquired
inflammatory
conditions
as
such..
And
the pain is not only
in
the sinuses
IT
continues
into
the
right
eye
and
ear
stabbing
searing
burning
as such during
all
waking
hours
for
over
5 years..
HMM..
A GREATER CHALLENGE
4
HAPPINESS
IS
THIS
CHALLENGE
OF
JOB..
YES
JOB!
IN
TRYING
TO CONVINCE
MY
MOTHER
IT
IS
WORSE
THAN
A
DAY OR SO STINT
OF BEING
CRUCIFIED..
SHE COULDN’T
BELIEVE
IT
UNTIL
HER
BOOK ON THE CRUCIFIXION
COMPARED THE ONLY
WORSE
SCENARIO
SPECIFICALLY
TO
MY CONDITION
AS
SUCH….
INVISIBLE
DISABILITIES
CAN
BE THE HARDEST OF ALL..
AS
NAH..
I STILL
LOOKED
HEALTHY
AS
i
did respect
my
temple
of
GOD
and
took
care
of
it
like a finely tuned race car..
for
years and years and years..
even with
many other
physical
challenges
like
Autism..
per the issues with motor control..
and
a
congenitally fused
vertebrae
in
T6
associated with Klippel
Feil
Syndrome..
Dysautonomia..
and
yes..
i
was
a
somewhat fragile
looking
child
with
photos that do prove that.
here..
even at age 13
as such…
With more details here..
in my fight
back
to
be
Human..
recovering..
as
such
from
the
SEVERE
CHRONIC
PAIN
DISORDER
starting
July 2013..
THE PAIN
DISORDER
IS
SO
HORRIFYING!
THAT
i
could
not
connect
to anyone
in
REAL LIFE
FOR
OVER
5 YEARS..
SO
YES!
FOR ALL PRACTICAL
INTENTS
AND
PURPOSES
i
was
in
an
involuntary
self inflicted
PAIN
prison
of
INVISIBILITY!
THE ENEMY!
OF
MY
HEART..
SOUL
AND
SPIRIT!
WAS
PAIN..!
A
GIFT
FROM
GOD
IT
WAS..
as
NOW!
i
TRULY!
UNDERSTAND!
WHAT
THE
WORD
BLESSINGS
MEANS..!
EVERY SECOND OF EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY HOUR OF EVERY
DAY OF EVERY MONTH OF THIS YEAR
TO
THIS
DAM
SECOND
SINCE
JULY
22ND
WHEN
i
am
set
FREE!
from
that
PAIN!
IS
SACRED
TO ME…!
AND
HELL
NO
!
i
am
not
afraid
to share
my
entire
life
with
everyone
else
in
the
ENTIRE FUCKING WORLD..
YES!
I DO SAVE THAT WORD
FOR SPECIAL OCCASIONS..
if
any part of
MY
LIFE STORY!
gives
any
hope
of
inspiration
to
any
one
else
that
ha
s
been
to
HUMAN
HELL!
AND FUCK NO!
I DON’T CARE IF YOU ARE CHRISTIAN
BUDDHIST
OR
ATHEIST
ALL
i
care
about
is
HUMAN
BEING!
ALL THAT OTHER STUFF
CAN
GO
TO HELL!
IF ANYONE
ELSE
EXPERIENCES
REAL
HU
WO
MAN
HELL!
AND NO HELL NO..
THE WORST PAIN KNOWN TO MANKIND
IS
NOT
THE WORST
PAIN..
THE WORST
PAIN
IS
NO
HEART
NO
SOUL
NO
SPIRIT..!
THE
DARK
NIGHT
OF
THE SOUL!
WHEN
ONE
IS
PAPER THIN
EXISTENCE
AS
ONE
DOES
FEEL
THE
NUMBNESS
OF
PIECE OF PAPER..
WORSE
THAN
A
PIECE
OF
BURNT
TOAST..
THE REASON
PEOPLE
SELF INJURE
IS
BECAUSE
PAIN
FEELS
BETTER
THAN
NUMBNESS..!
AFTER
GOING
40 DAYS
WITH
NO SLEEP
BUT
ONE HOUR
EACH
NIGHT
IN THE FIRST
35
DAYS
WITH
AID
OF
AN
ALPHA
BLOCKER
MEDICATION..
AND
NO
SLEEP
THE
LAST
5
OUT
OF
40
!
i
reach
the place of the dead
soul..
where
even
the misery of pain
goes
away
to
numb
and
i
pray
to
GOD
with all my might
that
the worst
pain
known
to mankind
will
come
back
so
i
can
feel
anything
at
all!
Well yes..!
finally after a trip
to the emergency
room
to
take some powerful
anxiety drugs that i refused
to
take earlier
that
finally
allowed
sleep..
the
PAIN COMES BACK..
BUT THE JOY OF PAIN..
IS
NO MATCH
FOR
THE
DESPAIR
OF
NO FEELING
AT
ALL
WHEN
A
THOUSAND YEARS
OF
HELL
IS ONE SECOND..!
BUT
NOW
WITH
FULL
APPRECIATION
OF
EVERY
SECOND
OF
MY LIFE
IN NOW..!
EVERY NOW
IS
A
THOUSAND
YEARS
OF BLISS!
AND HELL YES..!
THE FORM
OF
MY
BODY THAT i SO WILLINGLY
SHARE
FREELY!
AND
TOTALLY!
AS SUCH..!
IS
PROOF
OF THE STRENGTH
OF
THE
WILL
OF
ALL
OF OUR SPIRITS
TO FACE
ANY
CHALLENGE
THAT COMES
A
LONG
TO
WIN
IN THIS GAME
OF
LIFE
NOW
O
N
e
for me with Allitis
aka
what i understand
as
GO
D
!
the
TOTAL
FORCE
OF
ALLITIS1!
THAT
INSPIRES
US
TO GO
ON!
THAT
YES!
WE
DO
CREATE
OUR
LIFE!
THROUGH
WILL..!
AND
AS
LONG
AS
WE
HAVE
WILL
AND
NEVER
EVER
NEVER
EVER
GIVE
UP
!
THAT EVEN SOMEONE
LIKE
ME
WITH
NO
HOPE
CAN
DAM
SURE
FEEL
LIKE
SUPERMAN
NOW..!
NEVER
EVER
WITH
ANYONE
BRINGING
ME
DOWN
NO
W
!
SO MANY PEOPLE INSPIRE ME
IN THE HISTORY OF MY LIFE
TO
GO
ON!
EVEN JACK LA LANE
IN
HIS WILL
TO
STAY STRONG
IN
OLDER AGE
FOR
WHAT
CAN
BE
HUMAN
POTENTIAL!
BE
ALL
i
can
be
is
my
motto!
in
the
DANCE
AND
SONG
OF
LIFE..!
i
dance
and
sing
the
form
HERE
IN THE
E-WORLD
AND
IN
REAL
LIFE
2
!
TO
CELEBRATE
THE
GIFT
OF
LIFE
OF
ALLITIS
AKA
GO
D
AS
i
NOW
understand
ME!
And sure..
when i wear this shirt
now
in
my
13th COLLEGE
RAVE
DANCE
NIGHT..
ME
AT
54..
AT
SEVILLE
QUARTER
IN PENSACOLA
FL..
NO
ONE
WILL
UNDERSTAND
WHAT
I
T
REALLY
MEANS
TO
BE
INVISIBLE!
OR
MAY
BE
SOMEONE
WILL..
HOPE
IS
ALL!
WHAT
IT’S
ABOUT!
FAITH!
IN
WHAT
IS
!
WILL
GET
YA
THROUGH..!
SACRED LOVE!
WILL
TAKE
YA
TO
THE
HEAVEN
IN
NO
W
!
THAT
IS
A
REAL
DAM
THING..!
NO MATTER
COLOR..
SEXUAL
ORIENTATION..
RELIGIOUS
PREFERENCE..
NATIONALITY
OR
EVEN
WHAT
FUCKING!
PLANET
YOU
ARE
FROM!
LOSACREDLOVE
1006WORDSFRED!SWORDS1006
SACRED
AS SUCH..
IF
ONLY
TO
ME
!
i
LIVE
i
LIVE
NOW
O
N
e
a
SURVIVOR
AS
SUCH!
WITH MORE PHOTOS
TO
COME
AND WHATEVER
ELSE
MAY
COME
FOREVERMORENOW!
SACREDLOVE
IS
THE
WAY
FOR
ME
NOW
O
N
E
!
!ONETHOUSANDFORTYSEVENWORDSWITHTHELINKTOTHESONGINCLUDED!
KATiE MiA FredericK!iI 